Surrounded by Setbacks

“Your future is chosen by the actions you take today — not by the ones you merely dream about or discuss.”

1. Stop Complaining and Take Responsibility

Complaining about life is easy, but it won’t change anything. Many people find themselves stuck in "Laterville," a metaphorical place where they talk about their aspirations but don’t act on them. It’s a comfortable existence filled with excuses and procrastination. However, staying in this zone wastes time and prevents progress.

Erikson emphasizes that you are wholly responsible for your actions and life outcomes. Blaming others, external circumstances, or bad luck is tempting, but it won’t move you forward. Owning your decisions—whether to act or not act—is the only way to seize control and create meaningful change.

Accepting responsibility is empowering. It means you don’t have to wait for someone else to fix things. You can begin making changes today. By taking ownership of both your choices and reactions to setbacks, you pave the way for solutions and growth.

Examples

• Resisting the urge to blame a boss or workplace for feeling undervalued.
• Choosing to pursue career goals even when others doubt you.
• Taking charge of health rather than waiting for encouragement from others.

2. Confront Your Fears to Move Forward

Fear often keeps people stuck, even when they sense that something is wrong. It might be fear of failure, rejection, or losing something important, such as a job or relationship. However, fear usually thrives in avoidance. Confronting it diminishes its power and allows a clearer path forward.

Erikson encourages readers to confront problems head-on. Taking small actions to address fears can demystify challenges and provide confidence for larger steps. Avoidance often feels safe but ultimately prolongs discomfort and stunts growth. Once you face fears and problems, opportunities for learning and resolution arise.

Dealing directly with challenges may also challenge relationships. People around you might feel uncomfortable, but tackling issues often leads to overall healthier, stronger connections. Facing problems rather than denying them can reshape how others view their own struggles, too.

Examples

• Scheduling a doctor’s appointment for lingering health concerns.
• Having a difficult yet honest conversation with a boss or partner.
• Saying “no” to responsibilities that drain you so you can focus on personal goals.

3. Start Small to Achieve Lasting Change

Radical life overhauls rarely succeed because they demand too much, too fast. Take the story of Harry, a man who jumped into massive changes all at once but eventually gave up because it felt overwhelming. Long-term change happens when you take manageable, incremental steps instead.

Erikson advises against expecting instant results. Changes built over time—like healthier habits, purposeful routines, or career improvements—create sustainable progress. Breaking big goals into tiny, achievable tasks helps maintain motivation and prevents burnout. Gradual improvements outlast the brief enthusiasm of resolutions.

Another important aspect of lasting change is clarifying your goal. Abstract ideas like “getting fit” or “being successful” are too broad to guide practical actions. A defined “why” helps you stay the course and monitor progress meaningfully.

Examples

• Starting with one healthy meal a day rather than a total diet overhaul.
• Exercising once a week to build consistency before increasing frequency.
• Resolving to save a specific amount of money each month instead of aiming vaguely to “be rich.”

4. Know Your Personality to Avoid Common Mistakes

People respond to challenges based on their personality, but knowing these tendencies lets you adjust your reactions for better results. Using the DISC model, Erikson identifies four personality types—red, yellow, green, and blue—each with unique strengths, weaknesses, and responses to stress.

For instance, red personalities are bold and action-driven but may neglect relationships in their pursuit of success. Yellows are optimistic and inspiring but struggle with details or criticism. Greens value group harmony but may hesitate to voice opinions or act independently. Blues are analytical and methodical but risk paralysis by over-planning and fearing mistakes.

Understanding your dominant traits can help you spot blind spots. It also encourages personal growth by identifying areas where alternative approaches would serve you better.

Examples

• A red manager learning to balance assertiveness with team-building.
• A yellow innovator teaming up with planners to refine execution.
• A blue personality practicing risk tolerance to avoid overthinking.

5. Build a Support Network That Complements You

While self-awareness is important, success often depends on collaboration. Combining the strengths of diverse personality types creates teams that balance weaknesses and build resilience. Erikson highlights how leveraging other people’s strengths can fill gaps in your abilities.

For example, reds, who rush into action, can benefit from the methodical planning skills of blues. Conversely, blues need reds’ decisiveness to counteract perfectionism. Similarly, yellows thrive on others’ critiques, while greens grow stronger with partners who push them to act. Recognizing this interplay fosters productive teamwork.

An honest self-assessment and an intentional network of supporters are key strategies for reaching any goal. A well-rounded team is often indispensable when tackling big challenges or projects.

Examples

• Collaborating with detail-oriented colleagues to complete a broad creative vision.
• Asking assertive friends for advice on asserting yourself.
• Forming a supportive accountability group to maintain focus on long-term goals.

6. Define Success on Your Terms

Social media and societal pressures create an illusion of perfect lives. But pursuing an externally-defined image of success often leads to dissatisfaction. Erikson stresses defining success based on your values, not superficial markers like wealth, status, or popularity.

He recounts his experience as a successful speaker who couldn’t savor an achievement because he focused on not finishing first. This highlights how comparing yourself to others undermines happiness. Instead, understanding what truly matters to you reveals goals worth pursuing.

Clarifying what success feels like, rather than how it appears to others, is a game-changer. Celebrating small accomplishments along the way also boosts motivation and reinforces the meaning behind your efforts.

Examples

• Choosing meaningful work over a high-paying but unfulfilling job.
• Prioritizing family time rather than adhering to hustle culture.
• Staying offline periodically to focus on personal goals and joys.

7. Focus on Persistence and Adaptability

Chasing big dreams often feels daunting because the path can seem long and uncertain. Cultivating persistence is therefore essential. Erikson likens this to a pilot needing to maintain a flight path: small, consistent course corrections prevent major deviations from your destination.

But persistence alone isn’t enough. Flexibility matters just as much. When Netflix adapted from mailing DVDs to offering streaming services, it demonstrated the power of adjusting methods to meet new challenges. Similarly, people need to adapt their strategies when obstacles demand creative solutions.

Setbacks don’t mean failure if you learn from them. Staying open to adjustments while maintaining long-term commitment ensures steady, meaningful progress.

Examples

• Tracking milestones to measure progress toward a marathon goal.
• Switching focus to online business strategies when in-person sales decline.
• Adjusting daily schedules to make room for pursuing a passion project.

8. Learn From Setbacks Instead of Giving Up

Obstacles are inevitable, but they can be powerful learning opportunities if you face them directly. Many people think of failures as the end of their progress, though they actually offer valuable feedback. When something doesn’t work, it’s a chance to refine techniques and grow stronger.

Erikson reminds readers that setbacks build resilience, self-awareness, and resourcefulness. Avoiding challenges might feel comfortable in the short term, but it halts progress entirely. Instead, using setbacks as stepping stones leads to better strategies and deeper confidence.

Seeing setbacks as tests of character rather than failures changes their emotional impact. They shift from barriers to tools that help sharpen your path forward.

Examples

• Revising a business model after initial launch struggles.
• Learning better communication skills after relationship conflicts.
• Seeking mentorship or education to overcome skills gaps.

9. Celebrate Progress to Stay Motivated

Erikson suggests celebrating wins—big and small—to sustain motivation. Chasing goals year after year without recognizing achievements leads to frustration and burnout. By rewarding yourself, you remind yourself why your efforts are worthwhile.

Even small accomplishments matter. Recognize daily or weekly progress to maintain energy and focus. Milestone celebrations also offer opportunities to connect with and thank those who’ve supported you along the way.

Writing down victories makes them tangible, reinforcing a narrative of success. Whether it’s a new skill, completed project, or healthier habit, recognition fuels enthusiasm to keep moving forward.

Examples

• Treating yourself to something special after reaching a fitness target.
• Sharing gratitude with a team after launching a project.
• Reflecting on personal growth through journaling.

Takeaways

1. Break large goals into manageable steps; sustainable changes are more effective than sweeping, immediate overhauls.
2. Analyze your personality type, acknowledge weaknesses, and seek people whose skills complement yours.
3. Define personal success and celebrate the small victories that create a fulfilling life.