Take Back Your Brain

What you think isn’t necessarily true – and you have the power to intentionally change what and how you think.

1. Recognizing Internalized Misogyny

Internalized misogyny hides in the voices in our heads that tell us to stay small, defer to others, or question our worth. These thoughts are the subtle result of living in a patriarchal society, impacting women’s behaviors and self-perception.
This phenomenon is why even brilliant and accomplished women often face impostor syndrome, believing they are unworthy of their success. These self-critical voices are not innate but absorbed from societal norms and expectations.

Women are frequently taught "conditional self-esteem," where their worth depends on meeting society’s standards. Studies reveal that women, regardless of skill, underestimate their performance compared to men. This leads to a "brain gap," where women hold themselves back despite their capabilities.

Examples

• A capable software engineer hesitates to share her innovative ideas in male-dominated meetings.
• Women in professional settings attribute success to luck rather than their skills.
• Studies show men have higher levels of self-compassion, a skill women often lack due to societal conditioning.

2. Thoughts Are Not Facts

One of the first steps to change your narrative is understanding that your thoughts don’t always represent reality. Many thoughts are automatic, shaped by our environment, rather than factual.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) teaches that thoughts drive emotions, which steer actions. A negative thought can lead to actions like avoidance, creating outcomes that reinforce that thought.

Though challenging, reframing these thoughts through kindness and awareness can break the cycle. Approaching thoughts with curiosity rather than criticism is the starting point for this shift.

Examples

• A woman who thinks she’s bad at leadership avoids applying for managerial positions, reinforcing the thought.
• Instead of thinking, "I failed," say, "I made a mistake, and that’s human."
• Adding "how human of me" to self-critical thoughts softens the blow, creating room for growth.

3. Closing the Brain Gap

The "brain gap" describes the disparity between women’s self-perception and their actual potential. Internalized beliefs often prevent women from pursuing what they deserve. To overcome this, rewrite your beliefs by harnessing your cognitive flexibility and an incremental approach.
Society sends contradictory messages to women, like being assertive at work but agreeable in relationships. This mental noise affects women’s confidence and choices, keeping them stuck in cycles of self-doubt.

Retraining your brain involves discomfort, known as "limbic friction." Persisting through this resistance builds resilience. Self-compassion and curiosity are vital tools to overcome these ingrained patterns.

Examples

• Embrace mantras like "Change takes time, and I’m willing to try."
• A woman challenges her fear of rejection by seeking mentorship and feedback.
• Repeating affirmations like, "I am learning to trust myself," grounds change.

4. Understanding Emotions' Origins

Emotions are not just feelings; they reveal the thoughts beneath. Often we notice emotions like frustration or sadness but not the thoughts driving them. By receiving rather than avoiding emotions, we take the first step in addressing the root cause.
Women's emotions are often undervalued or dismissed due to historical stereotypes portraying them as irrational. Recognizing that emotions give clues to thought patterns helps dismantle these societal biases.

Instead of pushing feelings away or numbing them, practice "receiving." Sit with the emotion, describe it, and use body-centered techniques to process it. This helps reduce their grip and offers insight into change.

Examples

• When feeling anxious before a presentation, describe the sensation, "My heart is racing; my palms feel clammy."
• Use box breathing to calm nerves: inhale for four seconds, hold, and exhale slowly.
• Practicing peripheral vision relaxes the mind during stress responses.

5. Rewiring Your Thoughts

Changing thought patterns starts with self-awareness. Pay attention to recurring thoughts and their effects on your emotions and actions, then actively reframe those that hold you back.
Use the "thought ladder" technique to work towards empowering beliefs. Ladder thoughts help bridge the gap between a negative, ingrained belief and a positive, aspirational one.

This gradual progression makes new beliefs achievable, encouraging lasting transformation. Practice your final goal thought repeatedly until it becomes second nature.

Examples

• A ladder thought: Move from "I don’t deserve promotion" to "I add value to my team."
• Write and rank thoughts connected to challenges, like public speaking fears.
• Repeat the thought "I’m learning to navigate challenges with courage."

6. Reject the Need for External Validation

Society teaches women to seek validation through others, whether through beauty, relationships, or professional accolades. This reliance undermines inner confidence.
Lasting self-worth comes from internal validation. By letting go of approval-seeking behaviors, we honor our boundaries, pursue genuine goals, and create fulfilling lives.

Practicing self-compassion and focusing on personal values over societal pressures help establish internal worth, bringing empowerment and freedom.

Examples

• Instead of seeking recognition, say, "I’m proud of my growth."
• A woman prioritizes her interest in art over societal pressures to meet a corporate ideal.
• Setting boundaries against toxic relationships reinforces self-worth.

7. Embrace Emotions, Don’t Resent Them

Women’s emotions are often mislabeled as liabilities in a patriarchal narrative. Learn to view emotions as valid and embrace even uncomfortable ones as part of evolving self-awareness.
Receiving and naming emotions can get easier over time. Alongside cognitive exercises, physical techniques directly calm the nervous system to foster emotional processing.

By mastering this, women reclaim control over emotional narratives rather than internalizing guilt or negativities.

Examples

• A runner acknowledges post-race losses as opportunities for learning.
• Tap alternating knees during stress for focus and calmness.
• Repeat soothing self-talk like, "I have space to feel, and it’s not permanent."

8. Thought → Feeling → Action → Return

The interplay between thoughts, feelings, and actions shapes life outcomes. Changing one component impacts the others, letting us influence realities within any circumstances.
Mindset shifts don’t erase challenges, but they change your relationship with the challenges posed by sexism or bias.

For instance, reframing rejection from "They don’t like me" to "This isn’t the right fit" allows forward momentum instead of self-blame.

Examples

• A dancer uses setbacks for growth rather than self-pity.
• Reframing failure as "a lesson" encourages problem-solving.
• Proactively tackling limitations changes professional opportunities.

9. Reclaim Your Power

Society conditions women to downplay their agency. Reclaiming your power means actively countering these patterns and stepping forward, even in the face of obstacles.
Resistance doesn’t mean denial of systemic barriers but creating alternative paths forward through authenticity and deliberate actions.

Where societal norms impose dependency on others, agency builds freedoms, sending ripples to future generations.

Examples

• A mother teaches her daughters to advocate for themselves at school.
• Women negotiating salary inspire policies promoting pay equity.
• Communities dismantle oppressive traditions by empowering individuals.

Takeaways

1. Challenge and reframe limiting beliefs by actively engaging in thought ladder exercises.
2. Embrace your emotions by naming and receiving them without judgment, using breathing and movement techniques.
3. Begin reclaiming power by taking small, authentic actions aligned with your values, even amidst systems resistant to change.