The Coaching Habit

"What if being a leader isn’t about having all the answers, but instead about helping others find theirs?" – Michael Bungay Stanier

1. Focus on Empowerment, Not Performance

Effective coaching isn’t about micromanaging tasks or constantly evaluating performance. Instead, it centers on empowering employees to build confidence and autonomy. Many managers fall into the trap of solving every problem themselves, creating dependency and bottlenecks.

The goal of a great coach is to help team members develop the skills to tackle challenges independently. This requires spending a little time daily on informal coaching rather than scheduling occasional rigid coaching sessions. Coaching isn’t a meeting but an ongoing mindset.

When leaders prioritize empowerment, they shift away from simply putting out fires and focus on long-term growth. By fostering self-sufficiency, managers liberate their time and enable the team to thrive collectively.

Examples

• A manager instructs rather than collaborates, leaving employees hesitant to make decisions without constant approval.
• A team that feels agency and ownership over projects is likelier to innovate and take initiative.
• Ten minutes spent coaching an employee to think critically about a task can save hours of micromanagement later.

2. Start with the Kickstart Question

One of the most effective questions a coach can ask is, “What’s on your mind?” This question swiftly moves the conversation from pleasantries to substance. It allows employees to voice their primary concern or focus area without hesitation.

By asking this, managers open the door to meaningful discussion. Avoiding small talk or generic check-ins ensures both parties use their time productively. Actively listening after posing this question is equally essential.

This approach establishes trust and clarity, placing the conversation’s direction in the hands of the employee—where it belongs. Employees often need an invitation to share their struggles or aspirations, and the Kickstart question provides that opportunity.

Examples

• An employee struggling with a deadline can openly discuss their concerns.
• A teammate with innovative ideas about a project feels encouraged to share without prompting.
• Managers redirect unproductive conversations about weekend plans to focus on core issues.

3. Keep Momentum with the AWE Question

The AWE question—"And what else?"—is a powerful tool for diving deeper into employees’ thoughts. People often dilute their concerns by skimming the surface, but asking this follow-up question invites elaboration.

This question encourages employees to expand, revealing additional layers to their challenges or concerns. It also demonstrates that the manager is genuinely interested in understanding all dimensions of the issue. Surprisingly, it also gives employees permission to explore solutions they hadn't initially considered.

The AWE question creates richer discussions while reducing the likelihood of knee-jerk reactions from the coach, allowing for thoughtful exchange and problem-solving.

Examples

• A team member might identify a larger problem behind a surface issue when asked, "And what else?"
• Brainstorming sessions grow more effective with deeper inquiry.
• Employees feel less rushed and more reflective when given the chance to articulate their concerns fully.

4. Uncover the Core Issue with the Focus Question

Often, employees vent about surface-level problems without addressing the root cause. Asking, “What’s the real challenge here for you?” helps zero in on actionable problems that matter.

This question prompts employees to pause, reflect, and analyze their situation. Rather than exploring multiple minor issues, this narrows down the discussion to something meaningful to tackle together.

By driving clarity, coaches and employees can focus their energy on creating solutions for challenges that truly impact progress, eliminating wasted effort on symptoms rather than causes.

Examples

• Helping an employee move from complaining about office policies to identifying their larger struggle with time management.
• Transforming a rant about project delays into a targeted conversation about resource allocation.
• Shifting the focus of a frustrated employee from adversarial office dynamics to improving collaboration skills.

5. Clarify Needs With the Foundation Question

Employees often struggle to articulate what they truly want. Asking, “What do you want?” cuts through confusion, helping both parties understand the employee’s underlying motivations or goals.

People are driven by fundamental needs such as freedom, recognition, or a desire to belong. This question simplifies the path to productive resolutions by clearly addressing those driving factors.

When employees feel heard and their priorities acknowledged, they become more open to collaboration and problem-solving.

Examples

• Discovering that an employee struggling with deadlines actually wants more autonomy.
• Uncovering an aspiring leader’s desire for participation in strategic decision-making.
• Realizing a team member dissatisfied with meetings simply seeks protection of their time to focus on tasks.

6. Drive Efficiency with the Lazy Question

When employees complain or offload problems, asking “How can I help you?” forces them to pinpoint specific solutions rather than remaining vague. The Lazy Question prioritizes productive action over unnecessary venting.

It provides employees with the opportunity to rethink their requests, ensuring that only actionable help is sought. This saves managers from wasting time on irrelevant concerns and empowers employees to seek specific support.

Over time, employees become better at identifying their needs before bringing issues to their leaders.

Examples

• An employee upset about workload clarifies they need help delegating tasks.
• A team member’s complaints about a tool lead to a request for training resources.
• Instead of aimless frustration about a tight deadline, an employee seeks help prioritizing tasks.

7. Strategize with the Strategic Question

Saying “yes” to one thing often means saying “no” to something else. Managers looking to juggle competing demands can ask, “If you’re saying ‘yes’ to this, what are you saying ‘no’ to?”

Asking this question forces both leaders and employees to recognize trade-offs. It promotes intentional decision-making, ensuring the team’s time and resources are spent wisely.

The Strategic Question builds focus and accountability, encouraging deliberate choices rather than impulsive commitments.

Examples

• Approving new projects that align with company goals while shelving minor initiatives.
• Prioritizing urgent client requests over lower-value tasks.
• Redirecting resources from outdated processes to innovative problem-solving.

8. Guide Reflection Through the Learning Question

True learning happens when employees reflect on their experiences. At the end of every coaching session, posing the question, “What was most useful for you?” ensures lessons stick.

This question encourages employees to identify and articulate their takeaways. It also strengthens problem-solving skills, as they work on applying productive discussions to real-world scenarios.

Reflection fosters personal and professional growth, allowing employees to make progress independently in future situations.

Examples

• An employee realizes the value of prioritizing deep over shallow work during coaching.
• By reflecting, a team member understands which career development areas need further focus and attention.
• Reviewing meetings or coaching sessions solidifies key strategies discussed.

9. Build Habits for Long-Term Coaching Success

Learning coaching techniques is one thing, but forming habits ensures lasting improvement. Developing new habits requires consistent practice, preparation, and reflection.

Identify the behaviors you want to change, the triggers prompting old habits, and implement small steps—mini-habits—toward your goal. Reinforce this with an action plan for moments where you falter.

By framing coaching as an everyday mindset, managers naturally integrate these strategies into their leadership.

Examples

• A leader shifts from giving advice to consistently asking questions during employee check-ins.
• Building a list of go-to coaching questions and using them daily reinforces good practices.
• Writing down action plans for common coaching situations keeps improvements on track.

Takeaways

1. Practice asking the seven coaching questions daily to make them second nature.
2. Develop a written action plan for moments when old habits re-emerge, ensuring quick recovery.
3. Dedicate at least ten minutes each day to informal coaching to build stronger team dynamics.