The Courage Habit

Fear is not something you conquer; it’s something you engage with, and when you do, you create space for courage to grow.

1. Fear manifests in many forms but stems from a common root.

Fear doesn’t always appear as outright panic; it can show up as resistance, doubt, or stress in the face of change. The brain seeks comfort and predictability, and when routines are disrupted, fear often takes over. This manifests as hesitation or rationalizing why change is unnecessary.

For instance, someone feeling dissatisfied in their career may avoid change by convincing themselves it’s illogical to step away from their established role. Choosing the predictable path keeps anxiety at bay for a short time, even as it perpetuates deeper discontent. A radical shift, however, requires embracing discomfort rather than avoiding it.

Identifying fear’s presence is the first step toward transformation. It involves acknowledging the ways fear disguises itself and considering how these feelings limit your choices. By addressing these patterns directly, you can begin to make space for courage in daily decisions.

Examples

• A professional hesitates to start over despite disliking their job because of the time and money invested in their current career.
• Fear of rejection keeps someone from trying a new creative pursuit or sharing their artwork publicly.
• Anxiety about failure prevents a person from attempting a lifestyle change, such as moving to a new city.

2. Mapping your "Liberated Day" reveals your true desires.

Imagining a day where fear doesn’t hold you back is a powerful way to understand what you genuinely want. This exercise focuses on envisioning how you would act and feel if you were free of limiting beliefs, helping you uncover your deepest aspirations.

Focusing on internal motivations rather than external approval is key. What truly brings joy or sparks curiosity? This clarity can act as a guide, whether it pushes you to pursue a neglected passion or make a life-altering decision. For many, drawing this mental picture is the foundation for courageous change.

Once you've identified these desires, narrowing them down into goals can help provide direction. These goals should excite and challenge you, whether they are tangible (starting a business) or intangible (building a healthier emotional connection with a loved one).

Examples

• A woman imagines her Liberated Day as one spent working on art and returns to her dream of painting, pivoting from her corporate job.
• Someone realizes their happiest moments involve travel and decides to make pursuing adventures a financial and personal priority.
• A man acknowledges his unfulfilled craving for deeper friendships and decides to focus on building meaningful connections.

3. Fear operates through your daily habits.

Fear integrates itself into your daily actions and habits, creating patterns that feel safe. These patterns operate in a cycle: you experience a stress-inducing cue, perform a comforting routine, and feel temporary relief. Recognizing these routines can help you interrupt the process.

Fear habits often align with one of four primary types: Perfectionist, Saboteur, Martyr, or Pessimist. Each reflects a distinct response to fear—whether it's seeking external validation, self-sabotaging progress, overcommitting to others, or dismissing opportunities. Identifying your primary fear habit lets you see where you’re stuck and why.

Breaking the cycle involves recognizing the cue, pausing the routine, and choosing a more constructive action. This disruption can slowly weaken fear's grip, making way for courage-based habits instead.

Examples

• A Perfectionist refuses help to maintain control but ends up overwhelmed instead of thriving.
• A Saboteur abandons projects halfway through because commitment feels too confining.
• The Pessimist never applies for better jobs, believing rejection is inevitable.

4. Connecting with fear starts in your body.

Fear isn’t just an emotion; it’s also a physical response. Tightness in your chest, stomach knots, or trembling hands signal its presence. Learning to recognize these sensations through body-based mindfulness gives you a powerful tool to pause and reflect.

Practices like body scans help you locate where fear sits physically, while activities like yoga or dance allow you to address it more actively. By noticing these sensations, you interrupt the typical cue-routine-reward cycle fear thrives on.

Accessing your body may be challenging at first, especially if strong emotions surface. The goal isn’t immediate resolution but awareness. Sitting with the feeling shifts fear from a hidden force into an acknowledged presence you can work through.

Examples

• A busy parent struggling with guilt realizes her constant stomach tension stems from fear of “not being enough” for her children.
• Dancing to a favorite song helps someone release their bottled-up anxiety without needing words.
• A writer notices neck tightness every time they begin working, signaling fear of inadequacy.

5. Engage with your Inner Critic instead of battling it.

The Inner Critic is the voice that doubts your ability and stops progress in its tracks. Trying to ignore it only increases its volume. Instead, engage with it intentionally—listen to its words to understand what it’s really expressing.

A method like “Re-do, please” helps transform your Critic’s harsh statements into respectful feedback, allowing you to identify its underlying fears. This dialogue helps you treat your Critical voice with compassion, reshaping it from an obstacle into something you can learn from.

Compassion toward your Inner Critic unlocks its hidden motives—often rooted in past traumas—and begins the healing process. Accepting these vulnerable parts of yourself is a bold step toward lasting confidence and self-compassion.

Examples

• A freelancer reframes their Critic’s fear about financial failure into motivation to steadily grow their business.
• A professional learns their Critic’s harshness mirrors the negativity they heard growing up, helping them distance from those beliefs.
• A person tempers their inner judgment by repeating, “Re-do, please. Speak from care, not fear.”

6. The stories you tell yourself shape your reality.

Stories are the narratives running in your mind, influencing how you view yourself and your potential. Stories like “nothing ever works out for me” or “I’m not the kind of person who succeeds” limit what you attempt, keeping courage at bay.

These Stories align with fear routines, holding you in safe yet unfulfilling patterns. Reframing them into more balanced narratives opens up new possibilities. It turns “I’m stuck” into “I can try one thing to move forward.”

Rewriting a limiting Story takes effort, but it doesn’t require unrealistic positivity. It means giving yourself empathy for your struggles while deliberately expecting a better outcome. This process lets you write a new chapter for yourself.

Examples

• Someone feels stuck in career frustration but rephrases their thoughts as “I’m exploring options for something better.”
• A debt-laden individual steps away from “I’ll never get out of this hole” into “I can start paying small chunks today.”
• A new parent reframes “I’m failing as a mom” as “I’m learning on the job, and that’s okay.”

7. Courage flourishes within supportive relationships.

Having a community that values courage makes a significant difference. Surrounding yourself with people who are open, vulnerable, and empathetic bolsters your ability to stick with courageous habits.

Look for relationships with people who listen, solve problems rather than complain, and prioritize kindness. If current relationships lack these qualities, set boundaries and seek out others who align with your values. Sharing your fears in safe spaces builds trust and encouragement.

Good relationships don’t just happen; they require consistent vulnerability and effort. Taking the first step to reach out or being honest about your struggles fosters connections that nurture courage.

Examples

• A woman shares her struggles with other parents in her support group instead of pretending everything is fine.
• An introvert decides to cultivate deeper connections by asking coworkers about their personal interests.
• A friend sets boundaries with a negative acquaintance and seeks out more uplifting people.

8. Building resilience allows for inevitable mistakes.

Pursuing courageous goals means stepping into uncertainty, and mistakes are part of this journey. Resilience is your ability to recover and continue, which strengthens over time with deliberate practice.

Mistakes provide valuable lessons, helping refine your approach. They reinforce that effort, rather than perfection, is what drives growth. Resilience also means forgiving yourself for past failures and committing to trying again.

With resilience, you push through fear and discomfort, reminding yourself that even temporary setbacks don’t mean total failure. Growth becomes less about avoiding errors and more about moving forward despite them.

Examples

• Someone gets rejected for a job but uses the feedback to improve their application for next time.
• A performer handles a failed audition as an opportunity to develop a new skill or build thicker skin.
• An entrepreneur learns from a failed product launch, coming back stronger with better research and preparation.

9. Courage is a lifelong practice, not a destination.

Living courageously isn’t about banishing fear—it’s about actively choosing to engage with fear each day. Courageous habits require ongoing effort, patience, and refinement over time.

Reapplying methods like accessing the body, engaging your Critic, and reframing Stories is necessary as new fears arise. Courage is built through repetition and a willingness to keep practicing, even when your progress seems slow.

Each small decision to face fear helps grow your confidence. It reinforces that while fear will never disappear completely, your ability to handle it becomes stronger with each effort.

Examples

• A woman continuously works on speaking up in meetings, becoming more assertive with time.
• A man regularly revisits his limiting Stories, reshaping them as opportunities arise.
• A person actively checks in with their support network to stay accountable for their growth.

Takeaways

1. Regularly practice mindfulness techniques like body scans to identify where fear resides in your body and break its power over you.
2. Write down and reframe the Stories you tell yourself into positives, keeping your goals realistic yet encouraging.
3. Seek out and nurture relationships with people who demonstrate empathy, vulnerability, and commitment to personal growth.