The Four Agreements Summary

“What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. Don’t take anything personally.”

1. The Dream of the Planet Shapes Us

From the moment we are born, society introduces us to a collective dream—a shared reality shaped by rules, norms, and beliefs. This dream defines how we behave, think, and perceive good and bad. It is passed down by parents, teachers, and institutions.

As children, we internalize society’s expectations. We are “rewarded” for good behavior with affection and “punished” for non-compliance. Over time, these rules become deeply ingrained, leading us to conform without question. This process, referred to as domestication, conditions us to suppress who we truly are in favor of acting in acceptable ways.

By adulthood, we no longer need external forces to guide us; we regulate ourselves based on these internalized beliefs. We create a rigid self-image and judge ourselves harshly if we fail to meet its standards. However, these rules are not absolute truths—through awareness, we can rewrite them.

Examples

• A child strives to get straight A’s to earn a parent’s approval, fearing rejection otherwise.
• A young adult avoids taking risks because they were taught that failure is unacceptable.
• Someone constantly criticizes themselves for not meeting society’s physical beauty standards.

2. The First Agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Word

Being impeccable with your word means to use your language consciously and constructively—never to harm yourself or others. The word “impeccable” comes from Latin, meaning “without sin,” implying that harmful speech, whether directed inward or outward, is a kind of spiritual wrongdoing.

Our words have immense power. They shape our thoughts, beliefs, and sense of reality. Speaking negatively to yourself, such as calling yourself “stupid” or “unworthy,” strengthens damaging agreements and limits your growth. The same applies to how we communicate with others.

Take the example of a parent who inadvertently crushes a child’s confidence with a single careless comment. Words imprint lasting agreements, which can inspire freedom or perpetuate suffering. Choosing words rooted in truth and positivity can rewrite harmful conditions and nurture liberation.

Examples

• Telling yourself, “I am unworthy of love,” reinforces self-rejection.
• Complimenting someone sincerely can uplift their view of themselves.
• A leader offering motivational words transforms employees’ perspective of their potential.

3. The Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally

When others criticize or praise us, their actions often come from their individual reality, not from objective truth. Taking things personally ties our identity to others’ opinions, leading us to seek validation or fear judgment.

Each person operates from their own belief system and agreements, meaning their words reflect themselves, not us. A compliment might stem from their good mood, while a critique might arise from their bad day. Understanding this allows us to remain unaffected by praise or condemnation.

If you know yourself and live according to your values, external opinions lose their power. You no longer rely on validation or feel defeated by negativity. Instead, you find freedom in self-awareness and independence from others’ emotional states.

Examples

• A colleague’s harsh words might reflect their stress, not your capabilities.
• A stranger calling you “beautiful” might come from their unique standards, not universal truth.
• Feeling confident despite someone’s disapproval because you trust your values.

4. The Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions

Assumptions are mental shortcuts that often lead us astray. When we fail to seek clarity, we fill in gaps with our interpretations, which frequently diverge from reality. Acting on assumptions can cause misunderstandings, conflicts, and unnecessary emotional pain.

For instance, you might believe a friend is upset because they didn’t greet you warmly, without considering external factors like their stress. Assumptions often extend into relationships as we expect our loved ones to intuitively know our desire without explicit communication.

To counter this pattern, practice asking questions and seeking understanding. Clear and direct communication alleviates assumptions and strengthens relationships. It prevents the cascade of emotional and psychological distress fostered by unexamined presumptions.

Examples

• Assuming a friend ignored your text instead of asking if they were busy.
• Believing a partner understands your needs without discussing them.
• Misjudging a colleague’s silence as disinterest during a meeting.

5. The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best

Doing your best doesn’t mean perfection. It means giving your full effort based on your current conditions—your energy, health, and circumstances. The idea is simple: by doing the best you can, you avoid self-recrimination and regret.

Your “best” will vary day to day. When you’re energized and healthy, your output might excel, while during low-energy days, even completing small tasks can be your best effort. The key is to honor that effort without comparing one day to another.

By trying your hardest for personal fulfillment, rather than external approval, you shift motivation to internal joy. This makes work more meaningful and avoids burnout from overexertion, which can drain you emotionally and physically.

Examples

• Completing a short afternoon walk when sick instead of your usual runs.
• Staying focused at work despite feeling drained due to personal challenges.
• Writing a manuscript chapter for personal joy, not just for publisher deadlines.

6. Free Yourself by Rewriting Agreements

The rules formed during childhood are not fixed—building new agreements can lead to freedom and happiness. First, recognize beliefs rooted in fear and societal conditioning. Then, consciously replace them with empowering alternatives, such as the Four Agreements.

Begin with small steps. Start questioning ingrained assumptions—are they genuinely yours, or inherited from others? Reject agreements that no longer serve you. Replace these with ones that focus on love, kindness, and authenticity.

As you live by new agreements, you begin shifting your internal world to one aligned with your true self. This transformation, while gradual, liberates you from expectations and reconnects you with your potential.

Examples

• Breaking the belief, “I must always be perfect,” and embracing imperfection.
• Consciously moving away from the fear of failure by viewing challenges as learning opportunities.
• Replacing the agreement of people-pleasing with prioritizing self-care and well-being.

7. Forgiveness Breaks Emotional Chains

Resentment against others, or yourself, feeds negativity and drains your energy. Without forgiveness, these emotions fester and reinforce internal conflict. Forgiveness, however, cuts away this emotional weight and lets you heal.

Think of forgiveness as starving a harmful parasite that latches onto negativity. Refusing to forgive traps you in perpetual pain, while forgiving frees you to move forward. It doesn’t excuse the wrong but liberates you from it.

Forgiveness is especially transformative when directed inward. Many people hold onto guilt or self-blame, exhausting themselves emotionally. Offering self-forgiveness rebuilds a kinder, more compassionate relationship with oneself.

Examples

• Forgiving a friend’s mistake to avoid lingering anger.
• Letting go of resentment after a breakup to find peace.
• Forgiving yourself for past errors to foster self-compassion.

8. Live as if Today is Your Final Day

The Toltec belief known as “the initiation of the dead” suggests imagining every day as if it were your last. This practice urges you to prioritize what truly matters and abandon unnecessary fears.

We often waste time worrying about others’ opinions or insignificant dramas. By embracing life with full awareness, you let go of pettiness and instead focus on meaningful experiences, love, and joy.

Living this way doesn’t mean reckless disregard, but mindful appreciation. This perspective fosters gratitude and clarity about how you want to live, propelling you toward a fulfilling, purposeful life.

Examples

• Spending time with family instead of checking social media.
• Expressing gratitude to loved ones without holding back.
• Letting go of fear about others’ opinions to pursue passions.

9. Use Your Freedom to Rewrite Your Dream

The freedom to create a new dream is always within us. By dismantling old agreements, you can craft beliefs that align with your values, enabling a life based on authenticity instead of fear and societal conditioning.

This process takes awareness and commitment. Recognize fear-based patterns and stop reinforcing them. Replace negativity and self-criticism with practices rooted in love and kindness. Over time, these shifts allow you to live a new reality.

As you shape this dream, you begin experiencing what the Toltecs describe as true freedom—living authentically without being bound by the constraints of the collective dream or the judgments of others.

Examples

• Redefining career success based on personal fulfillment instead of societal metrics.
• Adopting mindful habits to break away from reactive behaviors.
• Developing confidence that isn’t swayed by external judgment.

Takeaways

1. Practice mindfulness about the power of your words—speak to yourself and others with kindness and honesty.
2. Spend a day observing your assumptions. Promise to ask more questions and seek clarity before jumping to conclusions.
3. Commit to forgiving yourself or someone else for a lingering resentment. Write down your emotions and focus on letting them go.