The Gap and the Gain Summary

“Happiness isn’t something to chase—it's a choice you can make today.”

1. Take Control of Your Own Happiness

Many people mistakenly believe happiness comes from external achievements like promotions or wealth. Dan Jansen, a world-class speed skater, exemplifies how this mindset can shift. After years of narrowly missing Olympic gold, he eventually stopped tying his happiness to outcomes. In his final race, instead of focusing on winning, Jansen skated to express joy and gratitude for his career, and this newfound attitude led him to victory and even a world record.

The lesson here is that waiting for external factors to determine happiness will leave you feeling unfulfilled. True happiness comes from within—it’s a conscious choice to appreciate the life you already have. Studies also show that a positive mindset enhances performance. Feeling grateful and confident boosts creativity, adaptability, and the ability to face challenges.

This shift in mindset doesn’t just improve performance; it also moves you away from a cycle of dissatisfaction. By choosing internal contentment, you take back control and end the endless treadmill of chasing external validation.

Examples

• Jansen's gold medal win after embracing intrinsic happiness.
• Studies showing positivity leads to better creativity and adaptability.
• Successful people who practiced gratitude to stay motivated.

2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Comparison is a thief of joy, made worse by social media. Platforms like Instagram are purposefully designed to make you feel like you’re missing out, fueling jealousy. This “fear of missing out” (FOMO) makes people chase symbols of success like big houses or expensive vacations, which ultimately leave them feeling empty.

The solution lies in defining your personal definition of success. Instead of measuring yourself against others, focus on what truly matters to you. If family time or flexibility to travel resonates with you more than a title or paycheck, prioritize those aspects. Everyone’s values differ, and self-awareness helps you break free from comparison traps.

Creating a list of your personal success criteria can guide your decisions. This ensures your goals aren’t dictated by societal expectations but by what genuinely fulfills you. Reflection helps make choices that align with inner values.

Examples

• Marketers intentionally creating FOMO to fuel consumerism.
• Writing a list of 10 values that define success for yourself.
• Choosing an unprestigious but flexible job that fits personal needs.

3. Your View of Life Shapes Your Health and Longevity

Your mindset doesn’t just affect your mood—it impacts your health and lifespan. Studies of nuns found those with positive perspectives in their youth lived significantly longer than their more negative counterparts. The nuns who described themselves positively in their 20s were healthier decades later.

This phenomenon illustrates the powerful connection between mental outlook and physical well-being. Positive thinking strengthens the immune system and reduces stress, while negativity leads to illness and fatigue. A study of hotel cleaners showed this clearly: simply reminding one group that their work counted as valuable exercise led to weight loss and lower blood pressure—even without changes in behavior.

By choosing to adopt a positive frame of mind and focusing on gains rather than deficits, you can improve both your happiness and your physical health. Small mindset shifts compound into long-term benefits.

Examples

• Nuns’ lifespan studies linking positivity to health.
• Hotel cleaners improving health after hearing encouraging feedback.
• People with positive attitudes recovering faster from illnesses.

4. Celebrate Your Progress to Stay Motivated

Progress can feel invisible unless you make an effort to track it. Human brains adapt to new achievements quickly, making it easy to forget how far you’ve come. Journaling is a powerful tool to record milestones and remind yourself of the journey's progress.

Instead of comparing yourself to future ideals, which don’t yet exist, measure your achievements against where you started. Recalling your progress boosts your confidence and keeps you energized. Look back on the last ten years, then narrow down to the past three years or even 90 days. Seeing how much you’ve grown encourages further growth.

Consciously celebrating small victories solidifies your motivation. Rewarding progress, whether it’s mastering a basic skill or navigating challenges, makes you not only appreciate the past but also feel excited about the future.

Examples

• Rosie, a child with special needs, tracking milestones like walking.
• Journaling successes to reflect on personal and professional growth.
• Shifting goalposts from ideal futures to past achievements for motivation.

5. Plan Each Day by Recognizing Wins

The hour before bed is one of the most powerful times for shaping your mindset. Instead of aimlessly scrolling through screens, use it to boost your sense of accomplishment and prepare for the next day. This nighttime ritual clears mental clutter, improves sleep quality, and sharpens focus.

Start by listing three daily wins—these can be small, like completing a chore or tackling one task you’d been procrastinating. Then, jot down three goals for the next day. This simple framework creates a sense of purpose and primes your subconscious overnight for productivity.

By reinforcing daily progress and future intentions, you shift into a more positive and proactive mindset. Over time, this small habit compounds into lasting success.

Examples

• Writing three wins, even minor ones like cooking dinner.
• Setting clear, realistic goals for the next day.
• Avoiding phones before bed to foster reflection and relaxation.

6. Reframe Negative Experiences into Opportunities to Grow

Setbacks are inevitable in life, but they don’t have to define your story. Howard Getson, who lost $2 million in one day on the stock market, turned his misfortune into a chance for innovation. Instead of sulking, he explored what went wrong and rebuilt his strategy with advanced AI systems.

This ability, called psychological flexibility, lets you interpret challenges constructively. It’s a skill you can develop by reframing negative events as lessons or stepping stones. Start by asking yourself: What can I learn from this? How can I do better next time? What am I still grateful for?

Approaching life this way puts you in control. Even tough situations can become stepping stones rather than blockades.

Examples

• Getson’s bounce-back after his financial loss led to innovation.
• Asking reflective questions to reframe challenges into learning moments.
• Entrepreneurs pivoting failures into thriving businesses.

Takeaways

1. Spend a few minutes each evening identifying three accomplishments from your day and planning three goals for tomorrow. This simple habit boosts motivation and supports better sleep.
2. Reframe setbacks immediately: Write down what you’ve learned, what you’ll do differently, and one thing you’re grateful for in the experience.
3. Keep a “progress journal” where you regularly document small achievements. Over time, this builds a story of growth that fuels your confidence.