The High 5 Habit Summary

What if the simple act of giving yourself a high five in the mirror could change everything?

1. Start Your Morning with a High Five

The High 5 Habit begins with a disarmingly simple action: high-fiving yourself in the mirror each morning. This act builds self-belief and sets a supportive tone for the day. Mel Robbins describes how we often start our mornings with self-criticism and worry, noticing flaws in our appearance and stressing over the tasks ahead. By replacing this negativity with a positive gesture, we set an entirely different emotional foundation for the day.

This habit worked for Robbins herself when she was feeling overwhelmed and dissatisfied with life. One day, instead of criticizing herself in the mirror, she gave her reflection a high five as if to say, "You’ve got this." The effect was immediate—she felt lighter, more confident, and more motivated. It may feel cheesy at first, but the simplicity of this action holds tremendous emotional power.

Moreover, high-fiving yourself creates a pause for reflection. Instead of letting self-doubt fill your mind, you make space for encouragement and appreciation for who you are. Over time, this practice rewires your brain and reshapes how you view yourself.

Examples

• Giving herself high fives empowered Robbins to start her days on a positive note, no matter how overwhelmed she felt.
• The mirror high-five is a break from routine self-criticism most people practice each morning.
• Over time, Robbins found herself focusing more on her achievements and less on her perceived flaws.

2. The Science of High Fives

High fives are not just feel-good gestures; they have scientific backing. Research shows that physical gestures like a high five can boost motivation, positivity, and perseverance. The reason is tied to the brain’s wiring and the emotional charge the gesture carries.

For instance, Robbins recalls running the New York City marathon in pain, feeling unprepared, and on the verge of quitting. High fives from spectators kept her going by creating a sense of encouragement. Similarly, studies involving schoolchildren found that those who received high fives, rather than verbal praise alone, worked harder and longer on tasks. The action signals approval and encouragement in a way words sometimes can’t.

When used intentionally as a self-reinforcement tool, high fives activate the brain's reward system. Combining this action with words of self-affirmation amplifies its effect, training you to internalize positivity and recognize your own resilience.

Examples

• Marathon high fives from strangers inspired Robbins to push through pain and fatigue.
• Kids who received high fives stuck with tasks far longer than those who only heard compliments.
• Neurobic studies highlight how pairing daily routines with new gestures helps rewire the brain.

3. Avoid Falling into the Negativity Loop

Negative self-talk can quickly snowball into a cycle of self-sabotage. Robbins shares how her unfounded fears and doubts prevented her from thriving early in her legal career. She repeatedly left promising jobs because she couldn’t silence her inner critic, believing she would fail before even giving herself a chance to try.

When critical thoughts dominate, they lead us to avoid challenges, which then reinforces those fears and feelings of failure. Breaking this pattern requires a mindset overhaul, where you replace harsh self-judgment with encouragement and kindness.

By choosing to replace negative thoughts with supportive habits like the High 5 Habit, you gain the strength to tackle challenges. Robbins emphasizes building a relationship with yourself where kindness is standard practice, not an occasional exception.

Examples

• Robbins abandoned promising legal internships out of fear of failure.
• Negative self-talk convinced her she wasn’t capable, keeping her stuck in avoidance patterns.
• Affirming gestures, like high-fiving her reflection, helped break the cycle of self-doubt.

4. Clean Your Mental Filter

Robbins compares our mental filtering system—the Reticular Activating System (RAS)—to a lint trap in a dryer. Over time, it collects "lint" in the form of negative beliefs, fears, and limiting thoughts that cloud our vision and block positive data. Instead of seeing opportunities, our clogged RAS highlights dangers, fears, and failures.

The good news is that we can train our RAS to focus on positive things. By practicing habits like mirror high fives, gratitude, and affirmations, you start to clear out old, unhelpful patterns and replace them with empowering ones. This simple shift helps your mind pay more attention to love, success, and possibility.

Think of these practices as deliberately teaching your brain to notice and prioritize the good stuff rather than dwelling on negativity. It’s a proactive approach to rewiring how your mind functions.

Examples

• Robbins noticed how her fears and failures dominated her mental landscape when her RAS was clogged.
• Positive acts like high-fiving her reflection helped retrain her brain to notice strengths and opportunities.
• Gratitude practices emphasized focusing on what’s right instead of what’s wrong.

5. Interrupt Negative Thoughts

The human mind is prone to repeat patterns, and this includes damaging self-criticisms. One key strategy Robbins recommends is learning to interrupt negative thought cycles the moment they occur. Saying something as simple as, “I’m not thinking about that,” cuts the loop and shifts your focus.

But stopping negative thoughts isn’t enough—you need to replace them with something better. That’s where a mantra like “I’m improving every day” comes in. Pair this positive phrase with actions that align with the person you want to be. Over time, your actions will reinforce the belief.

Remember, the goal isn’t to avoid challenges or suppress emotions. Instead, the aim is to stop unnecessary ruminating while steering your energy toward solutions and self-empowerment.

Examples

• Robbins advises shutting down inner criticism with, "I’m not thinking about this right now."
• She suggests pairing a personal mantra with deliberate actions to signal growth to yourself.
• Reinforcing new patterns in thought and behavior reprograms the RAS over time.

6. Gratitude Over Apologies

Many of us over-apologize, even when no harm has been done or when our actions are justified. Robbins suggests replacing apologies with gratitude. Saying “thank you” instead of “sorry” transforms the dynamic from guilt to appreciation.

Instead of apologizing for being late, say, “Thank you for waiting for me.” This small shift acknowledges the other person’s effort while building mutual goodwill. Gratitude also helps you recognize your own worth and the value of your needs, without succumbing to guilt.

This practice strengthens your relationships while helping you focus on being thankful for support rather than burdened by shame.

Examples

• Robbins highlighted how habitual apologies make people feel guilty unnecessarily.
• A friend’s constant "sorry" showed how it could tire or irritate others, unlike heartfelt gratitude.
• Replacing “I’m sorry for asking for help” with “Thank you for helping me” improves interactions.

7. Use Deadlines to Beat Procrastination

Big changes often seem intimidating because they feel far away. Robbins advises setting a three-week deadline for any significant decision or action you’ve been postponing. This timeframe balances urgency with enough room to plan and act.

Rather than delaying endlessly, a specific, manageable window compels you to take responsibility. By committing to this deadline, you gain momentum and move closer to achieving goals without overanalyzing.

Deadlines like these create accountability while cutting through procrastination.

Examples

• Robbins recommends setting three-week timers to prompt significant life decisions.
• A shorter timeline nudges you to skip overthinking and take the next step.
• This stops long-term stalling that often halts growth.

8. Reframe Failure as Learning

Self-doubt often stems from a deep fear of failure. Robbins shares how reframing failure as a learning experience can dissolve that fear. For example, instead of saying, “I failed,” try saying, “I learned what doesn’t work.”

This shift creates a safer psychological environment to take risks and try again. High-fiving yourself also reinforces the mindset that everyone stumbles but deserves encouragement to keep improving.

Making mistakes is an inevitable part of success. How you respond, though, can determine whether you grow or retreat.

Examples

• Robbins’s early self-doubt never allowed her to see setbacks as temporary.
• Reframing failure unlocked her ability to keep moving forward despite challenges.
• Encouraging gestures helped remind her that stumbles don’t define her worth.

9. Act As If You Already Are

Behavior shapes belief. By acting as if you are already the confident, capable person you want to be, you help reinforce those traits within yourself. Robbins emphasizes building a supportive inner environment by aligning your actions with your aspirations.

When you take decisive actions, your brain interprets them as evidence of your strength and capabilities. Even small actions, like standing up straighter or walking into a room with a smile, resonate with your mind and foster genuine confidence.

This approach bridges the gap between who you are and who you aspire to be.

Examples

• Robbins suggests mimicking traits like decisiveness to build internal confidence.
• Small behavioral shifts, like smiling more, can trigger emotional and mental alignment.
• Showing "proof" of growth reinforces self-belief over time.

Takeaways

1. High-five your reflection every morning for at least five days to experience a shift in mood and outlook.
2. Replace apologies with gratitude to strengthen relationships and boost self-esteem.
3. The next time negative thoughts arise, interrupt them with a mantra and take action that aligns with your goals.