The Practice of Groundedness

What if true strength isn’t about pushing harder but going deeper? Is the key to sustainable happiness and success found not in striving for more but in being grounded?

1. Heroic individualism as a toxic mindset

Heroic individualism pushes people to constantly measure themselves against unreachable standards. This way of thinking glorifies productivity, optimization, and external achievement, often at the expense of mental health. Brad Stulberg experienced firsthand how this mindset leads to exhaustion and a persistent feeling of "never enough."

This relentless drive caused Stulberg's OCD to spiral. As someone whose career revolved around teaching performance optimization, he felt pressured to always achieve more and present himself as invincible. But beneath his outward success, he suffered from thoughts of despair and self-doubt. Internalizing that he could "push through anything" only deepened his struggles.

Heroic individualism leads to burnout for many, as people get caught up in an endless cycle of doing. Whether in the workplace, athletics, or parenting, this mindset leaves individuals feeling scattered and empty when not accomplishing something. As Stulberg puts it, this belief system is ultimately self-defeating.

Examples

• Professionals working 60-hour workweeks but feeling unfulfilled without promotions.
• Athletes training excessively, leading to injuries and mental strain.
• Stulberg himself battling obsessive thoughts due to constant pressure on self-worth.

2. Groundedness begins by focusing on your roots

The antidote to overstriving is grounding yourself, much like a redwood tree anchors itself with lateral roots. Stulberg describes groundedness as a sense of internal stability that doesn’t waver with external circumstances. To be grounded is to align with your values and focus on what truly matters.

Instead of chasing endless achievements, grounded people build inner strength by nurturing their "root systems." External recognition may come and go, but your roots – meaningful relationships, hobbies, and personal values – give life long-term meaning and stability. Stulberg learned this lesson hiking among redwoods, realizing they withstand harsh winds due to their interconnected roots, not height.

Modern psychology and ancient philosophies alike support groundedness. Stoicism, for example, advocates focusing on what’s within your control and rooting happiness in internal values. Similarly, Buddhist practices emphasize finding strength by detaching from the pursuit of superficial gains.

Examples

• A parent spending quality time with family over gaining extra income.
• A business owner prioritizing ethical practices over relentless growth.
• The redwood forest analogy showing the importance of shared, lateral support.

3. Start with accepting your reality

When faced with struggles, it's easy to deny or resist them, hoping they’ll pass on their own. Stulberg learned through his OCD battle that attempting to suppress difficult emotions often backfires, intensifying them instead. Acceptance isn’t giving up but acknowledging where you are as the starting point for meaningful change.

Denial leads to frustration. Stulberg resisted his thoughts, trying to will them away, which only left him feeling trapped. Eventually, he shifted his mindset, embracing a Buddhist principle: stop shooting the second arrow. Situations often hurt, but compounding that with self-judgment worsens the pain.

Rephrasing your inner narrative also helps. If “This shouldn’t be happening” becomes “This is happening, but I want to take a step forward,” it encourages clarity and problem-solving. Acceptance paired with action lays the foundation for improving difficult situations.

Examples

• Stulberg acknowledging his OCD instead of fighting it opened the door to effective therapy.
• A dissatisfied professional reflecting calmly about their job before deciding to search for alternatives.
• Buddhist parables on “the second arrow,” which teach how to avoid compounding distress.

4. Stick with the present and practice patience

Meaningful results take time, but heroic individualism drives people to rush toward goals as quickly as possible. Stulberg emphasizes how staying present and embracing patience prevents burnout and fosters consistency. During his recovery journey, quick fixes weren’t an option; only persistence brought gradual progress.

The pitfalls of impatience are evident everywhere. Overeager athletes, for instance, risk injuries pushing their limits too soon. Entrepreneurs hastily scaling businesses may undermine long-term profitability. Slowing down allows for deeper growth and increases the chance of success.

Nurturing presence requires focus. Cut distractions like constant notifications and be mindful of spreading your attention too thin. Use reflective tools, such as journaling, to realign your actions with priorities. By staying patient, you can commit to deliberate, thoughtful action over disorderly busyness.

Examples

• Success stories of marathon runners training safely year after year versus crash-training injuries.
• Productivity techniques that promote deep work, eliminating multi-tasking distractions.
• Long-term therapy progress dependent on incremental breakthroughs rather than immediate fixes.

5. Vulnerability builds authentic strength

Strength and vulnerability are often seen as opposites, but Stulberg argues the opposite. Sharing your struggles doesn’t make you weaker—it frees you from the burden of pretending everything’s fine. Vulnerability fosters authenticity and connection, while repression often creates isolation.

After sharing his battle with OCD in a published essay, Stulberg was met with waves of support from readers who found solace in his honesty. This vulnerability strengthened his relationships and helped him feel less alone. True strength lies in confronting struggles openly and seeking support.

Social media encourages curated personas designed to showcase perfection, compounding feelings of inadequacy. Breaking this cycle requires courage but yields profound relief. By admitting weaknesses, whether to friends, family, or colleagues, individuals give themselves emotional permission to breathe.

Examples

• Stulberg’s essay led to meaningful discussions instead of judgments from readers.
• Leaders admitting uncertainty often strengthen team trust rather than compromising authority.
• Social media “highlight reels” juxtaposed with raw, uplifting blogs of people sharing personal battles.

6. Build a community for mutual strength

No one can thrive entirely on their own. Just as redwoods stabilize themselves by interconnecting roots underground, humans need communities to provide social and emotional support. Stulberg encourages building or finding communities centered on shared interests and values.

Isolation is one of heroic individualism's harmful byproducts. Many assume leaning on others signals weakness, forgetting humans are fundamentally social beings. Stulberg experienced healing and insight after connecting with readers who shared personal stories similar to his. This reminded him of the power in shared experiences.

Engage actively with your chosen communities. Attend events in person or online, put devices away, and be present in conversations. The connections formed won’t only strengthen you emotionally but remind you of collective resilience.

Examples

• A group therapy space fostering recovery through shared accountability.
• Hobby clubs or recreational teams cultivating belonging for members.
• Redwood tree networks promoting mutual support that helps withstand storms.

7. Physical movement supports mental balance

Stulberg highlights another redwood principle: beyond roots and community, growth requires vitality. For humans, this often stems from physical activity. Contrasting Western mind-body dualism, he notes exercise impacts mental well-being as profoundly as physical health.

Movement naturally reduces stress. Exercise promotes hormone release like dopamine, which can help mitigate anxiety and depression symptoms. Running became essential for Stulberg and Andrea Barber (Full House actress) after their mental health battles—it provided an outlet to reconnect mind with body.

Aerobic fitness isn't the only option. Whether dancing, hiking, or strength training, small consistent movements ground both physical and mental health.

Examples

• Andrea Barber running daily to dismantle anger and stress cycles brought by anxiety.
• Gym classes offering group accountability for fitness and social bonding.
• Daily walking routines preventing sedentary habits, improving both energy and focus.

8. Balance priorities by minimizing busyness

Busywork masquerades as productivity but leaves people drained instead of fulfilled. To focus on what really matters, Stulberg suggests trimming nonessential activities and reassessing how you spend time. In modern life, saying “no” or setting boundaries fosters long-term satisfaction.

By stepping back, people often realize half their tasks aren’t actually urgent but stem from reactions to external demands. Reducing unnecessary obligations restores time for self-reflection, relationships, or creative outlets.

Blocking calendars with mindful intentions prevents general fragmentation. Reserving sections solely for deep work or restorative activities creates breathing room while honoring emotional needs.

Examples

• A corporate worker using time audit techniques to identify low-value meetings.
• Families reserving designated device-free connection evenings weekly.
• Graduates prioritizing slow career exploration versus scrambling for immediate promotions.

9. Turn your attention to what truly nourishes you

Stulberg compares attention to water—finite, vital, and life-giving. Scattering it weakens focus and momentum, while pouring attention into care-filled areas fosters growth and alignment.

Identify your priorities and filter distractions. Apps or strategies like "Do Not Disturb" help reclaim focus immediately. Concentrated time unlocks focus, keeping personal tension lower.

Equally, reflect on patterns consuming unnecessary capacity. Consumption shifts—including digital or physical clutter clearing—reset surroundings towards clarity over chaos.

Examples

• Browsing time slashed by switching default screen backgrounds to calming content.
• Mindfulness check-ins identifying productivity derailers on emotional ‘off-days.’
• Aligned Single Priority Tasks overshadowing scattered multitasking confusion.

Takeaways

1. Set aside a half-hour each day to focus on one meaningful activity—whether meditation, exercise, or connecting with loved ones. Let this become your grounding ritual.
2. Identify one community you'd like to join or reconnect with. Commit to attending their next event or reaching out to start building those roots.
3. Shift phrasing in your self-talk. Replace "I should be doing more" with "I'm making progress step by step." Focus on realistic small steps to avoid burnout.