We often think of stress as something negative that we should avoid at all costs. But what if stress could actually be good for us? In her book "The Upside of Stress", health psychologist Kelly McGonigal challenges our assumptions about stress and presents a compelling case for embracing it as a positive force in our lives.
Drawing on cutting-edge research, McGonigal shows how stress can make us stronger, smarter, and happier - if we learn to work with it instead of against it. She argues that our beliefs about stress matter more than the stress itself, and that changing our mindset can transform the way we experience pressure and challenges.
This book summary explores the key ideas in "The Upside of Stress", including why stress is only harmful when we believe it is, how our bodies have evolved sophisticated responses to stress that help us engage and grow, why a stressful life is often a meaningful one, and practical strategies for harnessing the positive power of stress in our own lives.
Stress is Only Harmful When You Believe It Is
One of the most surprising findings McGonigal presents is that stress itself isn't inherently harmful - it's our beliefs about stress that determine its impact on our health and wellbeing.
She cites a 2006 US study which found that high levels of stress increased the risk of death by 43% - but only in people who believed stress was harmful. Those who experienced high stress but didn't view it as harmful actually had the lowest risk of death among all participants.
This reveals the powerful influence our mindsets can have on our physical health. Just as research has shown that positive beliefs about aging can increase longevity more than exercise, our attitudes toward stress shape its effects on our bodies and lives.
McGonigal explains that our stress mindset affects how we think, feel and act when facing challenges:
- Those with a negative stress mindset tend to avoid stressful situations and see them as threats.
- Those with a positive stress mindset are more likely to view stress as a challenge, seek help when needed, and use effective coping strategies.
Importantly, we can shift our mindset to see stress more positively. When we do, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - we feel more confident in our ability to handle challenges and end up coping better as a result.
Our Bodies Have Sophisticated Stress Responses
While most of us are familiar with the "fight-or-flight" stress response, McGonigal reveals that our bodies actually have a range of more nuanced and helpful reactions to stress.
She describes several positive stress responses that help us engage with challenges, connect with others, and grow from difficult experiences:
The Challenge Response This response occurs in pressing but non-life-threatening situations. It releases hormones like cortisol and adrenaline to boost confidence and motivation to learn from tough experiences.
The Tend-and-Befriend Response This encourages us to seek support from others when stressed. It releases oxytocin (the "love hormone"), promoting caring social connections that help us cope.
The Excite-and-Delight Response This allows us to channel anxiety into excitement and enhanced performance, as seen in athletes before a big game.
McGonigal argues these responses show how our bodies have evolved sophisticated ways to use stress as a catalyst for growth and connection. Rather than just preparing us to fight or flee, they give us the biological support to face challenges head-on.
She shares a fascinating example from trauma research to illustrate how stress responses can aid recovery. A study of traffic accident survivors found that those with higher levels of stress hormones in their urine right after the crash were less likely to develop PTSD. This suggests the stress response helped their bodies and minds process the trauma more effectively.
The key takeaway is that stress isn't just about fight-or-flight. Our bodies have many ways of responding that can help us engage, connect, and grow when facing difficulties. Understanding these responses allows us to work with our natural stress reactions rather than against them.
A Stressful Life is Often a Meaningful One
One of the most counterintuitive ideas McGonigal presents is that a stress-free life isn't necessarily a happy or fulfilling one. In fact, she argues that stress is often a sign that our lives are meaningful and purposeful.
To illustrate this, she shares some surprising findings from global surveys on stress:
- Countries with higher reported stress levels tend to have higher GDP, longer life expectancy, and better quality of life.
- Nations with very low stress levels often struggle with poverty, corruption, and violence.
This creates what McGonigal calls the "stress paradox" - happy lives contain stress, while stress-free lives don't guarantee happiness. How can we explain this seeming contradiction?
The answer lies in the connection between stress and meaning. Research shows that people who report more stressful events in their past are also more likely to rate their lives as meaningful. This is because we often derive our sense of purpose from the very things that stress us out - our jobs, relationships, and responsibilities as parents or community members.
McGonigal points out that the activities we find most meaningful are often our biggest sources of stress:
- 34% of UK adults said having a baby was their most stressful life experience.
- 62% of Canadians cited their careers as their biggest source of stress.
Yet these roles and responsibilities also give our lives richness and purpose. A completely stress-free life, in contrast, may lack engagement and meaning.
This may help explain why retirement, often viewed as a stress-free period, actually increases the risk of depression by up to 40%. Without the sense of purpose provided by work and daily responsibilities, many retirees struggle to find meaning.
The key insight is that some stress in life is not only normal, but often a sign that we're living in alignment with our values and pursuing meaningful goals. Rather than trying to eliminate all stress, we can learn to embrace it as part of a rich, purposeful life.
Changing How We Think About Stress Helps Us Cope
If stress is inevitable and even beneficial, how can we learn to handle it better? McGonigal argues that simply changing how we think about stress can dramatically improve our ability to cope with it.
She points out that people who seem to breeze through stressful situations aren't necessarily experiencing less stress. Rather, they've developed a more resilient mindset that allows them to roll with the punches.
Key aspects of this resilient mindset include:
- Seeing stress as a normal part of life rather than a catastrophe
- Recognizing that life goes on even during stressful times
- Continuing to make choices that change the situation or themselves
Interestingly, this resilient outlook often develops as a result of experiencing hardship in the past. McGonigal shares the example of child soldiers in Sierra Leone who, despite enduring horrific trauma, were able to maintain hope for the future and dreams of becoming doctors or teachers. Their past experiences gave them perspective that helped them cope with day-to-day stresses.
This illustrates an important point - going through stress can actually make us better at handling it in the future. Each stressful experience leaves an imprint on our brains and bodies, teaching us how to cope more effectively next time.
McGonigal also emphasizes that we can consciously shift our mindset to view stress more positively. Simple techniques like reframing anxiety as excitement can have powerful effects. In one study, students told to say "I am excited" before giving a speech performed better than those who said "I am calm." By embracing their nervous energy rather than trying to suppress it, they were able to channel it into enhanced performance.
The key takeaway is that our attitude toward stress shapes our experience of it. By viewing stress as an opportunity for growth rather than a threat, we can tap into inner resources that help us not just survive, but thrive in the face of challenges.
Embracing Anxiety Can Boost Performance
Many of us try to avoid or suppress feelings of anxiety, seeing them as a sign of weakness or inability to cope. But McGonigal argues that embracing anxiety can actually help us perform better in stressful situations.
She explains that the physical symptoms of anxiety - racing heart, sweaty palms, queasy stomach - are simply signs that our body is preparing for action. Rather than trying to calm these sensations, we can reframe them as helpful energy that's readying us to face a challenge.
McGonigal shares several strategies for channeling anxiety into enhanced performance:
Reframe anxiety as excitement As mentioned earlier, simply telling yourself "I am excited" rather than trying to calm down can improve performance in stressful situations like public speaking.
Focus on the task, not your feelings Instead of obsessing over how anxious you feel, direct your attention to what you need to do. This helps you tap into the motivating aspects of stress.
Embrace the challenge View the stressful situation as an opportunity to learn and grow rather than a threat to avoid.
Use anxiety as a cue to prepare Let anxious feelings remind you to review your notes, practice your presentation, or whatever else will help you succeed.
McGonigal emphasizes that avoiding anxiety often backfires, leading to an anxiety-avoidance cycle that limits our growth. She shares her own experience overcoming a fear of flying - by facing her anxiety and getting on planes, she was eventually able to enjoy travel without overwhelming fear.
The key insight is that anxiety isn't our enemy. When we learn to work with it rather than against it, we can harness its energy to boost our performance and expand our capabilities.
Connecting With Others Transforms Stress
One of the most powerful ways to cope with stress, according to McGonigal, is to connect authentically with other people. She explains how social connection can literally transform our biological stress response, turning fear into courage and isolation into a sense of common humanity.
This relates to the tend-and-befriend stress response mentioned earlier. When we reach out to others during times of stress, our bodies release oxytocin. This hormone has several beneficial effects:
- It inhibits the fear centers of the brain, reducing anxiety
- It activates the brain's reward system, boosting confidence and optimism
- It enhances our intuition and self-control, helping us take effective action
McGonigal cites a fascinating UCLA study to illustrate the power of social connection during stress. Participants were told their loved ones would receive painful electric shocks. They could choose to squeeze a stress ball or hold their loved one's hand as a coping strategy.
Those who held hands showed increased activity in the brain's reward and caregiving centers, and decreased activity in the fear center (amygdala). The stress ball had no effect on the amygdala. This demonstrates how connecting with others can fundamentally change our experience of stress at a neurobiological level.
Importantly, we don't need to receive support to benefit - giving support to others is equally powerful. Even small acts of kindness or compassion can activate the tend-and-befriend response, turning our own stress into an opportunity for connection and growth.
McGonigal encourages us to view stress as an opportunity to practice being brave, caring, and wise. By choosing to help others when we're stressed, we can transform fear into hope and isolation into a sense of shared humanity.
The key takeaway is that authentic social connection is one of our most powerful tools for coping with stress. Rather than isolating ourselves when stressed, we can reach out to others - to give or receive support - and in doing so, fundamentally change our experience of stress for the better.
Finding Meaning in Stress Builds Resilience
One of the most important skills we can develop, according to McGonigal, is the ability to find meaning and growth in stressful experiences. This doesn't mean pretending everything is fine when it's not. Rather, it's about looking for ways that difficult experiences can lead to positive change or personal growth.
She points out that this idea isn't new - the concept that adversity can make us stronger has been part of religious and philosophical teachings for centuries. Modern research backs this up, showing that people who can find an upside to stressful events tend to be more resilient and cope better with future challenges.
McGonigal shares several ways that seeing the positive side of stress can benefit us:
Enhanced coping skills People who look for growth opportunities in stress are more likely to take proactive steps to deal with challenges, rather than relying on avoidance.
Faster physical recovery Finding meaning in stress is associated with healthier physical responses, including faster cardiovascular recovery after stressful events.
Reduced risk of depression and health problems Those who can see the upside of difficult experiences have lower rates of depression and fewer stress-related health issues.
Greater appreciation for life Going through tough times can enhance our gratitude for the good things in our lives.
Stronger relationships Shared adversity often brings people closer together and deepens bonds.
McGonigal emphasizes that we don't need to wait until a stressful experience is over to look for meaning in it. Simply asking ourselves "How can I use this stress?" or "What can I learn from this?" in the midst of a challenge can help us cope more effectively.
She also notes that finding meaning doesn't mean ignoring the negative aspects of a situation. It's possible to acknowledge the pain and difficulty while also recognizing potential for growth or positive change.
The key insight is that our attitude toward stress shapes not only how we experience it in the moment, but also how it affects us in the long term. By cultivating the ability to find meaning in stress, we can build resilience that serves us well in facing future challenges.
Practical Strategies for Harnessing Stress
Throughout the book, McGonigal offers practical advice for putting these insights into action. Here are some key strategies she recommends for harnessing the positive power of stress:
Adopt a "challenge" mindset When facing a stressful situation, try to view it as a challenge to be met rather than a threat to be avoided. Ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?" or "How can I use this experience to grow?"
Practice stress priming Before entering a stressful situation, remind yourself of your personal strengths and past successes in overcoming challenges. This can boost your confidence and resilience.
Use anxiety reappraisal Instead of trying to calm down when you're anxious, tell yourself "I am excited." This helps channel nervous energy into enhanced performance.
Cultivate meaningful stress Seek out challenges that align with your values and goals. This turns stress into a sign that you're living a purposeful life.
Reach out to others When stressed, make an effort to connect with others - either to seek support or to offer help. This activates the tend-and-befriend response, transforming stress into an opportunity for connection.
Practice self-compassion Be kind to yourself when facing difficulties. Recognize that struggle is a normal part of life and that you're doing your best.
Find the upside Look for ways that stressful experiences can lead to growth, learning, or positive change. Keep a "stress diary" to track these insights.
Use stress as a cue for self-care Let stress remind you to engage in healthy behaviors like exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature.
Share your story Talking about how you've overcome past challenges can reinforce your resilience and inspire others.
Set stretch goals Regularly push yourself outside your comfort zone in small ways. This builds your capacity to handle bigger stresses.
By incorporating these strategies into our lives, we can begin to shift our relationship with stress from one of fear and avoidance to one of engagement and growth.
Conclusion: Embracing the Paradox of Stress
In "The Upside of Stress", Kelly McGonigal presents a paradigm-shifting view of stress that challenges conventional wisdom. Rather than seeing stress as an enemy to be avoided at all costs, she encourages us to embrace it as a natural and even beneficial part of a meaningful life.
The key insights from the book include:
Stress is only harmful when we believe it is. Our mindset about stress shapes its impact on our health and wellbeing.
Our bodies have sophisticated stress responses that help us engage, connect, and grow when facing challenges.
A stressful life is often a meaningful one. The things that stress us out are often the same things that give our lives purpose.
Simply changing how we think about stress can dramatically improve our ability to cope with it.
Embracing anxiety, rather than trying to suppress it, can enhance our performance in stressful situations.
Connecting with others during times of stress can transform fear into courage and isolation into a sense of shared humanity.
Finding meaning in stressful experiences builds resilience and leads to better long-term outcomes.
McGonigal doesn't argue that all stress is good or that we should seek out unnecessary hardship. Rather, she encourages us to approach the inevitable stresses of life with a more balanced and nuanced perspective.
By understanding the potential benefits of stress and learning to work with our body's natural stress responses, we can transform our relationship with pressure and challenges. Instead of being overwhelmed by stress, we can use it as a catalyst for growth, connection, and a more meaningful life.
The paradox of stress is that the things that make our hearts pound and our palms sweat are often the same things that make our lives worth living. By embracing this paradox, we open ourselves up to a fuller, richer experience of life - challenges and all.
As we face the stresses of modern life, McGonigal's insights offer a hopeful and empowering message: stress doesn't have to break us down. With the right mindset and tools, it can actually build us up, making us stronger, wiser, and more connected to what truly matters in our lives.