The Upside of Stress

What if changing your mind about stress could change your life?

1. Stress is only harmful if you believe it is.

Stress often gets a bad reputation, but its impact largely depends on how we perceive it. Stress arises from situations that matter deeply to us, whether it's tackling a pressing deadline or grieving the loss of a loved one. Our mindset plays a significant role in determining whether stress helps or hinders us.

A 2006 study in the US revealed that stress increased the risk of death by 43%, but only among those who believed stress was harmful. Interestingly, participants with high stress levels who saw stress as positive had the lowest death rates. This shows that stress is not inherently dangerous—it’s our perspective on it that matters.

Adopting a positive view of stress can even trump common health practices. For example, Yale University research observed that people who held optimistic beliefs about aging outlived their counterparts by 7.6 years—surpassing the lifespan benefits of exercise or avoiding smoking. These findings highlight the power of our mindsets in influencing not only stress but also our overall health.

Examples

• Traffic jams feel overwhelming if seen as roadblocks, but they can become opportunities for patience when viewed positively.
• Workers who consider work-related stress as a motivator perform better and grow faster professionally.
• Studies show people with optimistic views toward stress take proactive and effective measures during a crisis.

2. Stress responses go beyond fight-or-flight.

We often think of stress as pushing us to either stand our ground or flee. While this fight-or-flight reaction is one possible stress response, our bodies also offer other, more adaptive mechanisms. Stress can connect us with others, make us face challenges head-on, and help us grow.

Research at a trauma center in Akron, Ohio demonstrated that survivors of car accidents who released higher levels of stress hormones recovered better and avoided PTSD. This challenges the assumption that all stress is negative, as these hormones played a protective role. One stress response called the "challenge response" equips us with confidence and motivation to handle tough situations without panicking.

The "tend-and-befriend" response, another positive reaction, brings people together when stressed. Oxytocin, the so-called "love molecule," encourages acts like speaking to a friend or hugging a loved one. This response fosters connection and ultimately builds resilience.

Examples

• Survivors of trauma often become more resilient by adapting to stress rather than shutting down.
• Calling a friend during a challenging time reduces stress through meaningful connection.
• Athletes rely on the challenge response during competition to enhance focus and determination.

3. A meaningful life often includes stress.

Stress and happiness may seem contradictory, but they go hand in hand. Research shows that nations with high stress levels tend to have higher GDPs, improved quality of life, and longer life expectancies. Stress appears to be a by-product of engaging in meaningful activities.

A Stanford and Florida State University study revealed that individuals who experienced many stressful events often regarded their lives as meaningful. Life's most stress-inducing roles—such as being a parent or pursuing an ambitious career—often create our greatest sense of purpose.

At the opposite end, lack of activity or meaning can diminish happiness. Surveys have found that 40% of retirees face a heightened risk of depression because their routines lack stress-related fulfillment. This suggests that embracing meaningful stress may be more rewarding than seeking a carefree life.

Examples

• Parents stress over raising their children but often regard parenthood as their most rewarding role.
• Professionals find high-stress situations at work taxing, yet they also feel career-driven and purposeful.
• Retirees often miss the structure and engagement of work, leading to feelings of aimlessness.

4. Shifting your perspective on stress improves resilience.

Some people manage stress expertly while others buckle under pressure. What differentiates these groups is their perception of stress. Accepting stress as a regular part of life makes challenges seem manageable rather than overwhelming.

Theresa Betancourt’s work with Sierra Leone child soldiers highlights this point. These children endured unimaginable hardships but still developed aspirations to be doctors, journalists, or teachers. Past difficulties equipped them with the strength to navigate daily challenges.

Recognizing past struggles as valuable lessons can transform your approach to new situations. People who embrace hardship as a teacher avoid catastrophizing events and are more likely to cope creatively and constructively.

Examples

• A small business owner who overcame early failures learns to adapt better under financial pressure.
• Survivors of natural disasters often emerge more willing to embrace life’s unpredictability.
• Students who reframe academic stress as a sign that they care about learning perform better overall.

5. Anxiety can boost performance when embraced.

Do your nerves stop you in your tracks, or can they propel you forward? Anxiety often manifests physically, but it doesn’t have to derail us. Instead, reframing it as excitement can transform our performance.

Alison Wood Brooks’ research at Harvard demonstrated this effect. Participants who described their nervousness as excitement performed better during speeches, appearing more dynamic and confident to their audience. Their mental reframe made stress work for them instead of against them.

Avoidance worsens anxiety. The author shared her fear of flying and how avoiding planes made her miss out on family and travel opportunities. Over time, facing this fear allowed her to embrace the stress, regaining control and enjoying life more fully.

Examples

• Public speakers who label anxiety as excitement convey enthusiasm rather than tension.
• Athletes channel pre-game jitters into energy that fuels performance.
• Facing fears, such as flying or speaking in public, makes them less intimidating over time.

6. New stress fosters courage and wisdom through relationships.

Stress doesn’t isolate us; it can draw us closer to others. When faced with challenges, authentic connections fuel bravery and lead to learning moments. This "tend-and-befriend" response leverages biological changes like oxytocin release to encourage caregiving and trust.

Studies have shown that comforting someone else reduces our fear and amplifies feelings of connection and optimism. For instance, in a UCLA experiment, participants holding a loved one’s hand during stressful moments outperformed others using coping tools like stress balls.

Helping others activates neural rewards that strengthen group bonds and personal confidence. Even small gestures, such as consoling a partner or mentoring a colleague, can transform stress into trust.

Examples

• People are comforted by holding hands with loved ones during difficult situations.
• Team members grow closer when navigating high-pressure projects together.
• Volunteering during crises instills a sense of control and accomplishment.

7. Stress strengthens our ability to cope with future hardships.

Stressful experiences can shape us into stronger and wiser individuals. This is the essence of the saying, "What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger." By overcoming obstacles, we train ourselves to weather future storms more effectively.

Studies show that people who have faced adversity, whether personal loss or career challenges, become more adaptable over time. For example, individuals with a history of hardship are less likely to give up during physical endurance tests, proving their resilience.

Even in medical contexts, patients who see stressful experiences like heart attacks as wake-up calls often adopt healthier lifestyles. Acknowledging the positives in tough situations builds the mental tools we need to push through similar difficulties.

Examples

• Survivors of personal loss find renewed strength and gain stronger emotional resilience over time.
• Those who recover from career setbacks often master new skills that set them up for future success.
• Patients who reframe health scares as opportunities for change improve their overall well-being.

8. Physical responses to stress are shaped by mindset.

Stress doesn’t just impact the mind—it has physical effects too. Remarkably, your belief about stress can determine how it affects your body. Viewing stress as beneficial often leads to quicker recovery and lower health risks.

For instance, men who reframe their perspectives after heart attacks often recover better and build stronger relationships with loved ones. A positive outlook not only helps them heal emotionally but also reduces the risk of a second heart attack.

Our bodies are adaptable. Those who see challenges positively show healthier responses while managing stress—like lower blood pressure and cortisol levels. These small shifts can have major health benefits in the long run.

Examples

• Optimistic individuals experience faster recovery from physical injuries or surgeries.
• Students who anticipate positive outcomes during exams demonstrate fewer stress-related symptoms.
• A proactive attitude toward aging promotes longevity and emotional well-being.

9. Stress-free lives don’t mean happier lives.

A life without stress sounds idyllic but often lacks purpose and joy. Research shows that people thrive when they engage with challenges because stress often signals involvement in meaningful, rewarding activities.

Surveys of retirees consistently find that many struggle with depression, not due to physical illness but because they lack the stress of responsibility. Without it, they miss the opportunity to grow, connect, and learn.

Rather than seeking an entirely stress-free existence, embracing manageable stress allows us to live richer lives full of new experiences and depth.

Examples

• Parents find joy in raising kids despite the challenges of sleepless nights and worries.
• Many retirees return to part-time work or volunteering to add structure and purpose to their lives.
• Students and professionals often feel happiest when deeply immersed in meaningful projects.

Takeaways

1. Reframe stress as an opportunity to learn or grow whenever you feel overwhelmed.
2. Use the tend-and-befriend strategy: connect with others during stressful situations to ease the pressure.
3. Build long-term resilience by reflecting on past challenges and how you overcame them.