Unwinding Anxiety

Why do we keep worrying when it only makes us feel worse? The answer lies in understanding, rewiring, and outsmarting our survival brains.

1. Anxiety Emerges from Our Survival Brains

Anxiety stems from the most ancient part of our brain, the one hardwired for survival. Designed to protect us in hostile environments, this "old brain" triggers the fight, flight, or freeze response when faced with danger. However, it can't distinguish between real threats and imagined ones, which is why modern uncertainties, like a pandemic, can send it into overdrive.

Our prefrontal cortex, the rational part of the brain, evolved later. It plans, reasons, and predicts based on patterns and past experiences. When uncertainty looms—like during the early days of COVID-19—it struggles to make accurate predictions. This fuels anxiety, as the survival brain steps in to wrestle with fears it can't solve.

Instead of protecting us, anxiety keeps us stuck in hypothetical doomsday scenarios. Unlike fear, which prompts immediate action, anxiety leaves us lying awake at night, unable to discern a clear path forward. Talking ourselves out of it doesn't work because anxiety shuts down our logical thinking.

Examples

• People panic-buying toilet paper during COVID-19 showed how survival brains prioritized imagined safety over logic.
• Overthinking an uncertain job interview, only to spiral into "what if" scenarios, is another example.
• Staring at the ceiling, worrying about the future, demonstrates anxiety sidelining rational thought.

2. Worrying Can Become Addictive

Worrying isn't just a response to anxiety—it’s often a habit we don't realize we’ve developed. It provides a temporary distraction from uncomfortable feelings, making it a cycle that feeds itself even though it harms us.

Worry tricks our brain into thinking we're solving problems. When worrying, we feel as if we're preparing for outcomes or working toward solutions. But most often, worry only delays addressing deeper emotions, offering momentary relief. This reward system keeps us stuck in the very behaviors that fuel anxiety.

This cycle mirrors other addictions. Just as craving and chasing a habit like scrolling social media temporarily numbs feelings but doesn’t help long-term, worrying pushes us toward repetitive, unhelpful loops.

Examples

• Compulsively checking emails when stressed, imagining worst-case scenarios, acts as avoidance of the real work issue.
• A mom worrying endlessly every time her teen is out late feels a sense of action while deepening her anxiety.
• Repeat thoughts like, “What if I fail?” serve as mental quicksand, worsening distress instead of solving it.

3. Understanding Habit Loops is Key to Change

Our behaviors are shaped by patterns known as habit loops. Each loop begins with a trigger—an emotion or circumstance—followed by a behavior that the brain uses to cope. Identifying these loops is essential to untangling destructive patterns.

Many habits tied to anxiety—like overworking, overeating, or even binge-watching TV—stem from our brain’s way of avoiding discomfort. Anxiety can drive us toward behaviors that briefly dull the discomfort, like John, who coped with work stress by drinking every night.

Mapping these loops can bring clarity. When we write out a situation, our reaction, and the results, we move from mindlessly repeating the habit to stepping outside it for reflection. Awareness is the first step to change.

Examples

• John discovered his anxiety-fueled drinking habit by mapping how work stress led to nightly binge drinking.
• Emotional eating often begins with stress or sadness and leads to relying on junk food for comfort.
• Mapping procrastination habits can reveal a fear of failure as the hidden engine behind repeated delays.

4. Mindfulness Helps Break Autopilot Thinking

Half of our waking moments are spent on autopilot, driven by ingrained routines. This mental mode helps us handle repetitive tasks efficiently but also locks us into destructive processes. Mindfulness interrupts this autopilot, bringing awareness to habits we need to change.

Mindfulness is an intentional focus on the present, allowing us to observe thoughts and emotions without instantly reacting. When we’re mindful, it affects the Default Mode Network (DMN), a brain function that triggers mind-wandering, overthinking, and an anxious mental state.

Research shows that mindfulness quiets the DMN, which fosters clarity and calm. Techniques like meditation retrain the brain, helping it become less reactive and more connected to the present moment.

Examples

• Long-term meditators show reduced DMN activity, as confirmed by MRI studies.
• Smokers in mindfulness programs report being less driven by their cravings due to increased awareness.
• Practicing mindful breathing during an argument can stop anger from spiraling into harmful words.

5. Rewards Drive Habits—Changing Them Changes Us

Our habit strength depends on how rewarding we perceive the behavior. Many harmful habits persist because our brains continue to overvalue their outdated, imagined rewards.

Living mindfully challenges these illusions. For instance, a smoker pays attention to how a cigarette truly tastes and realizes it’s not so enjoyable. Similarly, someone stress-eating might focus on feeling bloated and grumpy afterward rather than satisfied.

By reassessing rewards using mindfulness, we can undermine destructive patterns. Our brains adapt by searching for new, healthier ways to find satisfaction.

Examples

• A mindfulness exercise shows how caffeine drinkers often dislike the jittery feeling right after coffee.
• Smokers in mindfulness studies quit more often by realizing they dislike the smoke experience.
• Observing procrastination frustration can make us rethink how truly rewarding avoidance feels.

6. Treat Yourself with Compassion

Undoing old habits can be hard. Many of us default to criticizing ourselves for mistakes, but this only creates new habit loops of shame and frustration. The way forward is self-compassion.

Self-compassion allows us to approach mistakes with understanding and patience. Larry, for instance, reframed each failed dieting attempt as a chance to understand his emotional triggers. By forgiving himself, he broke cycles of self-blame that had kept him stuck.

Research shows that adopting a growth mindset helps shift the focus to learning from setbacks. Compassion motivates change far more effectively than harsh self-criticism.

Examples

• Failing at a diet and learning instead of spiraling into "I can't do this" can help progress.
• Meditation practitioners often report deeper focus after accepting their wandering thoughts without judgment.
• Developing a "there goes my silly brain" perspective flips frustration into curiosity.

7. Curiosity Can Rewrite Anxiety

Curiosity is a powerful tool for redirecting anxious habits. When curiosity replaces fear, the survival brain stops seeing uncertainty as a threat and begins to explore it as an opportunity for learning.

Childlike curiosity engages the reward centers in our brains, making it more pleasurable to dig into a feeling or thought. When anxiety strikes, pausing to explore your emotions—asking questions and observing bodily sensations—can completely shift its intensity.

This doesn’t mean anxiety disappears instantly but allows us to transform it from paralyzing to manageable. Curiosity feels good, and our minds soon begin prioritizing curiosity over fear by default.

Examples

• Saying “hmm!” when anxious can nudge curiosity about where the fear originates.
• Celebrating small breakthroughs builds curiosity's role in behavior reversal.
• Using curiosity in meditation leads to better focus and calm.

8. Successful Change Happens in Small Steps

The process of reducing anxiety mirrors managing any addiction: Break the task into manageable, immediate steps. Thinking too far ahead distracts and elevates stress. Focus instead on what you can do today.

Daily mindfulness practice anchors focus, while specific tools like the RAIN method—Recognize, Accept, Investigate, Note—create space between feelings and knee-jerk reactions. Getting through one moment clears a path for the next.

Flexibility and patience make room for meaningful progress. Celebrate small victories without fretting over setbacks. Momentum builds when each day is treated as its own achievement.

Examples

• An anxious driver practicing deep breathing arrives at work more relaxed.
• A student overwhelmed by studying begins with just five minutes of focused work.
• Recovering alcoholics thrive by focusing only on staying sober for the day.

9. Kindness Beats Stress

Filling your mind with kindness creates a surprising shift in stress responses. Even small acts, like silently wishing someone well, can change the brain’s chemistry, boosting joy and connection.

Kindness counters aggression-based habits like road rage or workplace frustration. Sending kind thoughts can not only reduce your stress but also make you feel uplifted. This habit, too, becomes self-reinforcing through its dopamine rewards.

Internal kindness transforms your relationship with yourself and others. It becomes a practice of rewiring anxiety into confidence and calm.

Examples

• Offering silent love to a frustrating driver instantly reduces tension.
• Gratitude journaling trains kindness through reflection and memory.
• Using a mantra like “May I be kind to myself” during tough moments shifts brain focus for healing.

Takeaways

1. Practice mindfulness: Dedicate a few minutes daily to observing emotions or surroundings without judgment. This shift builds over time.
2. Map your habit loops: Identify triggers, behaviors, and perceived rewards to begin understanding patterns.
3. Lean into curiosity: Next time you feel anxious, ask yourself simple questions like, "What does this really feel like?" or "What’s happening here right now?"