Introduction
In "What It Takes to Heal," Prentis Hemphill takes us on a profound journey exploring the interconnected nature of personal healing and societal transformation. Drawing from their experiences as a therapist, activist, and human being, Hemphill offers a compassionate and insightful guide to navigating trauma, building meaningful relationships, and creating positive change in the world.
The book opens with a powerful scene: Hemphill, fresh from work at a community mental health clinic, joins thousands of protesters in Los Angeles following the acquittal of George Zimmerman for killing Trayvon Martin. In this moment of collective grief and demand for justice, Hemphill realizes that true healing extends far beyond the confines of individual therapy sessions. It requires collective action and systemic change.
This realization sets the stage for a deep exploration of how we can heal ourselves while simultaneously working to heal our communities and society at large. Whether you're an activist facing burnout, new to social justice work, or simply seeking personal growth, Hemphill's book offers practical strategies and profound insights for navigating the complex terrain of healing and transformation.
The Power of Vision
Hemphill begins by emphasizing the crucial role of vision in the healing process. They share a poignant childhood memory of dressing up as Harriet Tubman for a fourth-grade history presentation, standing out among classmates dressed as more conventional historical figures like George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. Despite initial giggles from classmates, young Hemphill boldly declares, "I am Harriet Tubman. I freed people under your noses." In this moment, shame dissipates, replaced by a newfound strength.
This experience taught Hemphill an important lesson: healing and transformation often begin in the realm of imagination and vision. Visioning involves seeing beyond current reality to what could be, dreaming new possibilities, and committing to them. Like Harriet Tubman, whose visions and dreams guided her actions in leading others to freedom, we too can use the power of vision to guide our personal and collective healing journeys.
Hemphill points out that we're all born into other people's visions for ourselves and the world. These inherited visions shape our expectations, behaviors, and understanding of what's possible. They can limit our imagination and prevent us from dreaming our own futures. The author recalls internalizing negative projections about their identity in Ms. Jefferson's class before they even understood who they were.
The process of visioning allows us to break free from these constraints and imagine new possibilities for ourselves and our world. It's about uncovering potential, creating unexpected alliances, and believing in a future that isn't predestined by current circumstances.
At the heart of visioning is longing – a deep, vulnerable yearning that comes from within. Hemphill shares a personal anecdote about their somatic therapist asking what they longed for. After much introspection, Hemphill realized they longed to know how to love and be loved. Naming this vision made it feel more attainable, illustrating how articulating our deepest desires can shape our reality.
Commitment bridges the gap between our visions and the present moment. Harriet Tubman's unwavering commitment to her vision of freedom, despite the dangers and uncertainties, exemplifies this. Our ability to dream, name our longings, and commit to them determines the likelihood of realizing these visions.
In a world filled with limiting and sometimes harmful visions, Hemphill encourages us to revisit our imaginations regularly. We must dream new dreams and conjure futures that serve not just ourselves, but all of us. This act of visioning is a powerful first step in the healing process.
Understanding and Healing Trauma
Hemphill delves deep into the nature of trauma and its impact on both individuals and communities. They share a moving story of working with a mother who lost her son to police violence. This mother had channeled her grief into activism, leading marches and sharing her story publicly. However, over time, her relentless productivity became a mask for unprocessed pain. As this pain festered, it began to affect her relationships with fellow activists. Through gentle guidance, Hemphill helped the mother create space to simply be with her grief, reminding her that life could still exist beyond her loss.
This story illustrates how trauma often lurks in the shadows of our lives, shaping our behaviors and relationships in ways we may not immediately recognize. Hemphill explains that at its core, trauma is a physiological experience that lives in our bodies long after the initial threat has passed. It can result from experiences of neglect, abuse, or oppression, as well as catastrophic events. When we experience trauma, our nervous systems remain on high alert, affecting how we interact with the world around us.
Importantly, Hemphill emphasizes that trauma doesn't stay confined to individuals. Unaddressed trauma also affects social justice movements and organizations. Often, individuals come to activism fueled by personal pain. While this energy can spark action, it's not sustainable and can even stifle progress. Hemphill shares an example of a brilliant leader who, triggered by unresolved childhood trauma, had an explosive outburst during a meeting. This incident shattered months of careful relationship-building and organizational progress in an instant.
Given these far-reaching effects, Hemphill argues that healing is not just a personal experience but also a social imperative. They advocate for integrating healing practices into our social structures and movements to create sustainable, transformative change. This might look like organizations prioritizing emotional well-being alongside strategic goals, or communities creating spaces for collective grief and restoration.
Hemphill also highlights the importance of creating safe spaces where people can express their grief and anger without judgment. They describe how simple, profound moments of presence can be healing, such as when they, as a new parent, chose to meet their child's gaze and allow themself to be seen, breaking the cycle of trauma.
Throughout this section, Hemphill emphasizes that the journey of healing offers hope not just for individuals, but for society as a whole. By committing to our own healing and supporting others in theirs, we can build more resilient communities and more effective movements for change.
The Importance of Embodiment
Hemphill introduces the concept of embodiment as a crucial aspect of healing. They share a personal story of rediscovering how to cry at the age of twenty-seven. Growing up in a family where crying was not tolerated, Hemphill had learned to suppress their tears. It wasn't until a therapy session in adulthood that they realized this was a coping mechanism to avoid feeling hurt, and it came at a significant cost: Hemphill had never truly acknowledged their pain and was carrying it within them instead.
Inspired by this revelation and a conversation with friends about sad songs, Hemphill took action. They created a playlist of the saddest songs they knew and booked a private hot tub session. With headphones on, they allowed themself to cry, letting the tears flow freely. This experience was transformative, leaving Hemphill feeling lighter both emotionally and physically. This practice of setting aside time to cry became a regular part of their routine, helping them release pent-up emotions and reconnect with their body.
Hemphill explains that the journey of healing is deeply rooted in embodiment. It's not enough to understand our pain intellectually; we need to feel it fully in our bodies in order to release it. They present two ways of understanding embodiment: the automatic behaviors we develop over time, and our growing awareness of our bodies and emotions.
To illustrate the first aspect, Hemphill uses the example of brushing teeth. This is a behavior that has become so ingrained through repetition that we no longer need to think about it consciously each day. Similarly, behaviors like people-pleasing can also become ingrained in us. If we've learned over time that pleasing others is a way to avoid conflict or gain approval, we might find ourselves instinctively trying to meet others' needs before our own without even realizing it.
The second aspect of embodiment involves developing awareness of these automatic behaviors and understanding how they came to be. For instance, noticing the tension in your shoulders or the tightness in your chest when you feel the urge to please others can be the first step in breaking the cycle. Building this awareness allows us to make conscious choices rather than operating on autopilot.
Hemphill emphasizes that by becoming more embodied, we open up the possibility for change. We can begin to align our actions with our true values and needs, fostering healthier and more authentic relationships with ourselves and others. This process of embodiment is not always easy or comfortable, but it's a crucial step in the healing journey.
Engaging with the World
Hemphill shifts focus to the importance of engaging with the world as part of the healing process. They share a personal anecdote about their first spring after moving to rural North Carolina, where their modest gardening hobby turned into a consuming passion. Hemphill spent their days planting seeds, weeding, and harvesting. This work proved challenging but also taught them many valuable lessons. The garden became a metaphor for the process of social change: starting with a vision but requiring consistent, often challenging work to turn ideas into reality.
This experience underscores Hemphill's belief that to make meaningful change, we need to get our hands dirty. While healing our individual traumas is crucial, we must also address the broader cultural issues that give rise to those traumas in the first place.
Hemphill illustrates this point through their involvement with the Chicago Torture Justice Center (CTJC). The center was established in response to years of police violence and torture in Chicago, particularly against Black men. CTJC provides individual therapy and mental health support to survivors while also working to dismantle the systems that enabled the abuse. This dual approach recognizes that healing the individual requires addressing the systemic injustices that caused the trauma.
Through their work with CTJC, Hemphill witnessed the transformative power of addressing both individual and collective trauma. They share the story of a mother who joined the center after her son was killed by police. This woman found solace and support in the community, participating in group activities like the Freedom Songbook, where survivors and their families sang and wrote songs together. Over time, her physical health improved, and she began to sleep through the night for the first time since her son's death. This personal healing was made possible by a supportive community and collective efforts to seek justice and accountability.
Hemphill emphasizes that true healing requires a holistic approach that considers both the individual and the broader social context. Personal healing can only be sustained if the conditions that caused the trauma are also addressed. This means advocating for systemic changes that protect individuals from harm and create environments in which everyone can thrive. It involves challenging the cultural norms and policies that perpetuate abuse and working toward a society that values safety, belonging, and dignity for all.
By engaging with the world in this way, Hemphill argues that we not only heal ourselves but also contribute to the healing of our communities and society at large. This engagement can take many forms, from participating in community organizations to advocating for policy changes to simply being more present and compassionate in our daily interactions with others.
Kinship and Belonging
Hemphill explores the crucial role of kinship and belonging in the healing process. They begin with a reflection on the experience of being a middle child, often feeling a bit out of place. Middle children often see a version of their parents that's in-between – parents who are a little tired, not as striving as they were for the older kids, but not yet as permissive and applauding as they will be for the younger ones. This feeling of not quite fitting in can lead to a lifelong quest for belonging.
Hemphill shares their personal struggle with belonging within their own family. Growing up in a church environment that condemned homosexuality, they experienced fear and rejection, culminating in being sent to a conversion therapist. This experience instilled a deep sense of shame and rage, reinforcing the belief that being true to themself meant losing the possibility of belonging. This struggle underscored the critical need for acceptance and the cruelty of its denial.
In our current turbulent times, Hemphill argues that belonging is more crucial than ever. The world faces significant challenges, yet we are increasingly fractured, clinging to divisive rhetoric. We have narrowed our vision of who belongs, often excluding those most in need of connection and care. Hemphill believes that to address these challenges, we must expand our sense of who belongs in our community and work toward inclusive connections.
Creating chosen family and kinship networks, or what Hemphill calls "oddkin," is essential for a sense of belonging. They share a personal example of their Sunday night dinner ritual with their partner Kasha, their child Amaya, and their dear friend Denise. Each household takes turns preparing elaborate meals, sharing news, heartaches, and reflections on the state of the world over food. This ritual binds them together, providing a safe harbor in the midst of many storms. These chosen bonds and collaborations help us face difficult times.
Hemphill also discusses the importance of allyship and accompliceship, which require a depth of empathy and feeling. Empathy, they explain, is about allowing another's experience to touch you deeply. It's about creating a sense of safety for others by genuinely listening and being present.
This deep connection and understanding transform how we show up for each other. Allyship is not about performing solidarity but about feeling and acting from a place of shared humanity and interconnectedness. It's about taking risks, standing in solidarity, and fighting for justice together.
By expanding our definition of "we" – of family and community – Hemphill believes we can create inclusive and resilient networks that support everyone. This expanded sense of kinship and belonging is crucial for both personal healing and collective transformation.
Courage and Love
In the final section of the book, Hemphill explores the transformative power of courage and love. They begin with a vivid anecdote about finding themself on a narrow ledge, two hundred feet long, leading to a boulder wedged in a cliff high above a canyon. Paralyzed by fear, with their knees shaking and body threatening to collapse, Hemphill's partner Kasha looked back and said, "Become bigger than the fear." This moment encapsulated an important message: courage isn't about conquering fear, but making room for it while pursuing what matters most.
Hemphill observes that fear has become a pervasive force in modern American culture, driving political polarization and narrowing the connections viewed as possible. They argue that political polarization stems from a deep, pervasive fear that builds walls both within and around us. These barriers create a sense of isolation and division, intensifying fear and leading to escalating conversations and defensive behavior.
But what if it were possible to face this fear head-on and transform it into something more powerful? This is where courage comes in – not the Hollywood action-hero kind, but the everyday bravery that allows us to heal, be authentic, and face what scares us most. Hemphill redefines courage as feeling out what matters most to us and acting on it, even when it's uncomfortable or risky. Courage is starting therapy, having honest conversations, or simply being yourself in a world that might push back.
By cultivating courage, Hemphill argues that we can move from a state of fear and reactivity to one of intentional and meaningful action. This shift is crucial for both personal healing and collective transformation.
Love also plays a central role in this process of healing and transformation. Hemphill emphasizes that love is not just a feeling but an active practice. It involves showing up for ourselves and others, even when it is difficult or risky. Love requires us to see and affirm the humanity in each other, to will each other's existence, and to work toward a world in which everyone can thrive.
This kind of love, Hemphill argues, is powerful and transformative, capable of breaking down barriers and creating new possibilities for connection and growth. It's a love that extends beyond our immediate circle to encompass our communities and even those we may see as opponents.
Hemphill encourages readers to take a courageous and loving approach to both personal and collective transformation. By becoming bigger than our fear, practicing courage, and nurturing love, we can create a more just and compassionate society. Through courageous action and loving connection, we can build a world where everyone can feel safe, valued, and connected.
Conclusion
"What It Takes to Heal" by Prentis Hemphill offers a comprehensive and compassionate guide to personal and collective healing. Through personal anecdotes, insightful observations, and practical advice, Hemphill illuminates the interconnected nature of individual and societal transformation.
The book emphasizes several key ideas:
- The power of vision in shaping our reality and guiding our healing journey.
- The importance of understanding and addressing trauma, both personal and collective.
- The role of embodiment in the healing process, encouraging us to feel and process our emotions fully.
- The necessity of engaging with the world and working towards systemic change alongside personal healing.
- The crucial role of kinship and belonging in creating resilient communities.
- The transformative power of courage and love in overcoming fear and division.
Hemphill's work reminds us that true healing involves more than just individual therapy; it requires addressing systemic injustices and fostering inclusive connections. By expanding our sense of belonging and practicing empathy, we can build resilient communities and create meaningful change.
Through courageous actions and loving relationships, we can move beyond fear and division, nurturing a society in which everyone feels valued and connected. "What It Takes to Heal" serves as both a guide and an inspiration for anyone seeking to heal themselves and contribute to the healing of our world.