What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid? Summary

"What would you do if you weren’t afraid?" This profound question drove Michal Oshman to confront her fears, uncover her purpose, and change her life using lessons from ancient Jewish wisdom.

1. Jewish Teachings Provided Clarity for Mental Struggles

Oshman struggled with persistent anxiety and depression despite trying traditional therapy. Her breakthrough came from reconnecting to her Jewish roots through spiritual learning. Jewish teachings offered her practical solutions to face mental challenges.

Michal discovered that Viktor Frankl's book Man’s Search for Meaning introduced her to the idea of seeking purpose as a remedy for emotional struggles. This resonated deeply, as traditional therapy hadn’t addressed her need for meaning. She became intrigued by the intersection of spirituality and mental health.

Her journey expanded when she attended classes on Jewish spirituality. These teachings illuminated concepts about the human soul and its relationship to fear and anxiety. For the first time, she saw effective ways to manage her emotions through understanding spiritual frameworks and finding a clear sense of direction.

Examples

• Reading Viktor Frankl’s insights about finding purpose, especially after his survival of Nazi death camps.
• Observing Lady Nicola Mendelsohn balance professional success with her religious observance of Shabbat.
• Learning Jewish concepts such as neshama (soul) and kelipa (ego barriers) through psychology professor Kate Miriam Loewenthal.

2. Finding Purpose through Neshama and Bittul

Jewish teachings emphasize the concept of neshama, or the soul, as the driving force of life. For Oshman, unlocking her purpose came from recognizing how distractions distanced her from this inner flame. She also embraced bittul to shift focus away from self-centered ambitions.

Neshama signifies the spiritual essence that makes life meaningful. Oshman learned how external pursuits, such as career goals, material wealth, or fame (known as kelipa), can overshadow one’s true calling. She realized the importance of reassessing what drives her actions.

Bittul taught her humility and self-transcendence. It wasn’t about erasing herself but about removing obstacles, such as ego, to connect with her true purpose. By reflecting on how to help others instead of fulfilling personal desires, she found reduced anxiety and greater peace.

Examples

• Identifying her tendency to focus on career success rather than her deeper values.
• Practicing introspection by asking reflective questions such as, "What thoughts or fears are holding me back?"
• Recognizing how helping others aligns her closer to her spiritual purpose.

3. Mistakes are the Foundation of Growth

Oshman learned that brokenness is a natural and valuable part of life’s journey. Jewish wisdom views mistakes as opportunities for growth, encouraging a mindset where failure is embraced rather than feared.

Grappling with her own perfectionism, Oshman found the Jewish concept of shvira, or brokenness, transformative. She understood that cracks in life allow for emotional and spiritual growth. Mistakes became stepping stones rather than setbacks.

Her acceptance of failure as a part of learning also mirrored professional cultures, like Facebook’s motto, “Fail harder.” At work, receiving constructive feedback after a stressful project helped her see failure not as defeat, but as an invitation to improve.

Examples

• Drawing inspiration from the song “Gesher Tzar Me’od,” which teaches overcoming fear on life’s narrow paths.
• Reflecting on her early leadership failures and how they shaped her approach to teamwork.
• Embracing the principle that wisdom and maturity come from brokenness.

4. Leadership Requires Space and Kindness

Jewish philosophy emphasizes being a mensch—a good person who leads with honor and integrity. Oshman learned that effective leadership involves creating an environment where others can thrive.

Jewish teachings about tzimtzum (making space) transformed her leadership style. By stepping back and granting autonomy, she saw better collaboration and creativity in her teams. This contrasts with the ego-driven approach she initially adopted in high-stress situations.

She also found value in the Jewish tradition of tikkun, or repair. Providing feedback in a constructive and encouraging way, like her “one percent feedback” strategy, further boosted her relationships at work and home.

Examples

• Leading by contraction, allowing colleagues to express themselves fully without her interference.
• Adopting the one percent feedback tool to build trust and create opportunities for positive changes.
• Teaching her children the importance of feedback, resulting in mutual growth.

5. Parenting is About Inspiring Values, Not Control

Parenting, as Oshman discovered, mirrors leadership. The Torah guides parents to cultivate a child’s unique talents and values instead of imposing rigid expectations.

King Solomon’s wisdom, “Teach a child according to his way,” instructed Oshman to help her children grow into menschen. She focused on instilling core virtues like compassion, community care, and personal accountability.

Rather than striving for perfection, she emphasized showing love and fostering real-life experiences. Volunteering became a family practice, helping her children develop empathy and a sense of purpose.

Examples

• Encouraging her children’s volunteer work, calling it their “Vitamin V.”
• Teaching them to reflect on their choices and values rather than enforcing strict rules.
• Sharing Jewish principles like teshuva, or self-reflection and repentance, as tools for growth.

6. Fear is Conquered by Action

Oshman shifted her perspective on fear by learning how Jewish wisdom advocates for action. Moving forward, even when uncertain, builds resilience and reduces anxiety.

She realized that fear often stems from hesitation and “what if” scenarios. Applying insights from Judaism, she took small steps to confront fears rather than letting them paralyze her.

This proactive mindset not only helped her mental health but also encouraged her to take new opportunities in her personal and professional life. Fear, she discovered, is best addressed through movement.

Examples

• Reflecting on moments where she overcame fear by taking risks, such as public speaking in her career.
• Using metaphors from the Torah, like the parting of the Red Sea, to visualize courage.
• Teaching children to transform anxiety into small, actionable steps.

7. Self-Reflection Restores the Soul

The Jewish practice of teshuva—a commitment to review and better oneself—is a cornerstone of Oshman’s personal growth. She learned that returning to core values helps counter life’s distractions.

Teshuva doesn’t carry guilt or shame, but emphasizes renewal. Reflecting on how she can repair relationships and improve behaviors has become a daily practice.

She incorporates this mindfulness into her leadership and parenting, always seeking ways to realign with her purpose and values.

Examples

• Using Yom Kippur’s practices of introspection as a guide for year-round reflection.
• Acknowledging mistakes openly to her team and using shared experiences to bond.
• Encouraging her children to evaluate their actions, fostering personal growth.

8. Meaningful Living is Serving Others

Jewish wisdom revealed that true fulfillment comes from helping others. By focusing outwardly, Oshman found a sense of wholeness that material pursuits never provided.

Her journey involved shifting priorities. Instead of measuring success solely by achievements, she sought ways to support her community and nurture deeper human connections.

This mindset transformed both her career and personal life, deepening her joy and making her impact more profound.

Examples

• Organizing initiatives to support vulnerable people in her community.
• Advocating for mentorship at work, assisting colleagues to realize their potential.
• Volunteering alongside her family, reinforcing shared values.

9. Material Distractions Obscure Life’s True Purpose

Oshman realized how modern life emphasizes external success, leading many to lose sight of their deeper purpose. She learned to resist such distractions by embracing timeless Jewish principles.

Through Torah teachings, she became aware of how superficial goals could block her spiritual connection. Simplifying her goals helped her regain clarity.

This balance between spirituality and contemporary living allowed her to align her ambitions with her values.

Examples

• Stepping back from overworking and dedicating time to Shabbat and family.
• Reducing reliance on external validation, like professional titles or wealth.
• Focusing on community work, giving her actions meaning beyond herself.

Takeaways

1. Practice bittul to realign with your purpose—focus less on your ego and more on contributing to others.
2. Reflect regularly with questions like, “What drives me, and what holds me back?” to identify meaningful shifts.
3. Take a leap of faith when fear blocks progress—momentum itself can lessen anxieties.