You Do You

“Stop letting other people tell you how to live – life’s too short for that. You do you.”

1. The World’s Rules Don’t Have to Be Yours

Many social norms are unwritten and enforced through pressure or judgment. While some rules help us coexist, like not answering the door naked, others limit individuality by dictating milestones or behaviors. These societal expectations often lead people to suppress their desires and prioritize what others approve of.

Not following these arbitrary rules can free you to design a life that truly fits you. For example, people might call someone “nerdy” because they are deeply interested in a subject. Rejecting this label and embracing being “knowledgeable” instead can flip that negative perception. Redefining these “flaws” often uncovers personal strengths and improves self-esteem.

Overcoming these constraints involves identifying which societal rules are putting limitations on your decisions. Beyond obeying the laws of your country, consider questioning traditions, such as when to marry, when to start a family, or how to dress. Ultimately, your happiness depends on living authentically, not on striving for the approval of others.

Examples

• Viewing “quirky” behavior as a sign of creativity instead of oddness.
• Celebrating independence by living alone instead of succumbing to the expectation of finding a roommate or partner.
• Challenging the “ideal timeline” of life events like marriage or homeownership.

2. You Don’t Have to Always Try Your Best

The notion of always doing your best sounds inspiring but can easily backfire. Overexerting yourself wears you out, both physically and mentally. Sarah Knight recalls how her obsessive need to excel through long nights of studying led to significant health problems.

Perfectionism also breeds dissatisfaction. Aiming to maintain a flawless appearance – like a perfect Uber rating – only increases the likelihood of failure over time. Stepping back and putting in just enough effort allows you to prioritize what matters and avoid unnecessary stress.

Being self-ish, which means taking care of your own needs while still respecting others, is critical. Taking the time to rest and recharge isn’t selfish; it’s vital. Like airplane safety protocols, putting on your oxygen mask first isn’t neglectful – it ensures you’re capable of supporting others when needed.

Examples

• Skipping perfectionism in work settings by aiming for “good enough” results instead of burnout.
• Letting go of guilt when saying “no” to extra tasks that threaten your wellbeing.
• Quitting an extracurricular activity that drains you despite its prestige.

3. Stand Your Ground, Even If You’re Called Difficult

Society often shames people into compliance by labeling them “difficult.” The truth is, asserting your preferences and needs is not being contentious; it’s being clear about what you want. Knight describes the simple example of asking for a correctly-cooked steak in a restaurant despite criticism from dining companions.

Being vocal about your desires is essential for major life decisions too. Whether it’s a career change or personal relationships, letting fear of judgment hold you back will ultimately lead to regret. The author found empowerment in ignoring others’ warnings when quitting a job to pursue a creative professional path.

However, there’s a fine line between standing firm and being abrasive. Advocate for yourself effectively, but remain considerate of others – it’s about clarity in communication, not hostility.

Examples

• Sending back incorrect food orders while remaining polite but firm.
• Choosing a career path that fulfills you, even if family members disapprove.
• Setting boundaries with colleagues to ensure a work-life balance.

4. Define Your Own Version of Success

Success doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some people choose conventional paths, while others carve out unique journeys. Knight highlights her decision never to have children, despite societal expectations and frequent unsolicited advice insisting she’d regret it.

The route to success mirrors individual dreams, whether it’s earning a high salary or pursuing a flexible lifestyle. Recognizing this variety allows you to set goals aligned with who you are rather than following prescribed templates.

What matters is that these choices reflect your priorities, not those of others. If going to college fits your aspirations, great. If following an unconventional artistic path resonates more, that’s equally valid.

Examples

• Declining a high-paying job opportunity to travel or pursue passion projects.
• Forging an unconventional career without a college degree, as many successful public figures have done.
• Building a minimalist lifestyle as opposed to societal pressures for material excess.

5. Weirdness and Pessimism Have Upsides

Society tends to discourage pessimism and strange behaviors, pushing people toward being upbeat and conforming. But these traits can lead to helpful results. As a self-proclaimed pessimist, Knight found her worries about the worst outcomes pushed her to quit a stifling job and explore her potential.

Being pragmatic allows pessimists to stay prepared. Anticipating challenges helps them devise solutions ahead of time. Similarly, embracing “weirdness” leads to creative breakthroughs and novel approaches to life’s problems.

Rather than succumbing to pressure to fit in, harnessing these qualities as strengths makes life richer and more manageable.

Examples

• Preparing contingency plans for a rainy wedding day instead of banking on the weather forecast.
• Staying punctual by starting projects early due to fear of missing deadlines.
• Using unconventional interests or habits as sources of creativity.

6. Maintain Your Mental Health in Simple, Personal Ways

When Knight faced panic attacks, she hesitated to get help due to stigma. After seeking therapy, she learned small joys, such as keeping sand under her feet at work, helped her regulate her emotions. Her “beach box” became a calming tool during stressful moments.

Caring for mental health might require surprising or unconventional methods, but these efforts improve long-term happiness. Equally important is prioritizing relationships and activities that sustain your peace.

Deciding on your priorities often challenges traditional values. While family and commitments like weddings get touted as automatic priorities, your own happiness should carry more weight when tough choices arise.

Examples

• Using tactile experiences, like dipping feet into sand, to destress.
• Seeking appropriate therapy even if mental health stigma exists.
• Politely declining familial obligations that clash with personal priorities.

7. Stop Performing for Others

Social norms often demand behaviors that reinforce appearances, such as the expectation to always smile. Knight challenges this idea. She argues that feigning emotions or suppressing natural tendencies only detracts from authenticity.

The book also addresses body image pressure. Knight shares her past struggles with unhealthy eating habits and societal expectations about weight. Overcoming this began with accepting her body and moving away from destructive standards.

Confidence in one’s talents, like her skill at public speaking, is equally significant. Detractors may dismiss such self-assurance as arrogance, but recognizing your own abilities can lead to valuable opportunities.

Examples

• Resisting the pressure to pretend happiness through forced smiles.
• Disregarding fad diets driven by external validation rather than health goals.
• Owning your unique skills, even if criticized for acknowledging them.

8. Take Risks to Achieve Fulfillment

Risk-taking is uncomfortable but sometimes necessary. Sticking to safe choices might avoid immediate problems, but it often prevents deeper satisfaction. Knight’s experience of leaving a familiar job to write books exemplifies this concept.

Weighing risks should separate legitimate concerns, like financial needs, from fear of judgment. While it’s important to assess safety nets, overvaluing opinions of others leads to stagnation.

By calculating and embracing risks, you create growth rather than remaining boxed into expectations or routines.

Examples

• Shifting careers from corporate roles to self-made businesses.
• Expressing creative ideas despite critique or doubt.
• Moving to a new location to pursue inspiration or connection.

9. Acknowledge Needs Without Guilt

Acknowledging personal needs strengthens relationships and self-reliance. Choosing yourself over imposed obligations recognizes your value. As in Knight’s example of choosing weddings to attend, deciding based on preference rather than guilt avoids unnecessary resentment.

Feeling guilty about prioritizing well-being undermines long-term happiness. Choosing your needs doesn’t make you selfish; it ensures you function effectively when helping others.

Life improves when choices focus on wellness rather than fulfilling every external demand.

Examples

• Taking mental health leave without explanations.
• Setting boundaries in relationships to avoid toxic dynamics.
• Choosing hobbies or rest rather than constant productivity.

Takeaways

1. Create a "What I Want, Need, and Deserve" list to clarify your true priorities and act accordingly.
2. Flip any negative labels—or perceptions of yourself—into positive statements that highlight your individuality.
3. Start small but purposeful: Declare one thing you truly want and take a step toward achieving it today.