Your Brain Is Always Listening

Your brain controls your life – for better or worse. Are you ready to tame the dragons that dictate your thoughts and emotions?

1. Subconscious Dragons Are Real and Powerful

Negative patterns in our brains stem from "dragons”—persistent, harmful thought patterns often rooted in past experiences. These dragons can shape daily life in surprising ways.

For example, Jimmy, a business executive with a traumatic childhood, isn't just nervous about public speaking. His fear is rooted in a court case from his youth where he had to publicly defend his father. The memory of that day fuels his fear whenever he faces speaking events.

Subconscious dragons like Jimmy's amplify anxieties, blow small problems out of proportion, and skew perceptions of reality. They exist in everyone’s brain and can range from Anxious Dragons to Inferior or Grief Dragons. Understanding them is the first step to taming these mental saboteurs.

Examples

• Jimmy's fear of public speaking stems from a traumatic childhood memory.
• People with Inferior Dragons often feel they don't measure up to others.
• Grief Dragons emerge in difficult life changes, like loss or rejection.

2. Your Brain's Functions Influence Your Emotions

Different parts of the brain influence emotions and behaviors. By understanding these areas, you can identify what's fueling your negative feelings.

The anterior cingulate gyrus (ACG) helps with focus and error detection. When it misfires due to low serotonin, it locks people into cycles of worry, shame, and self-criticism. Similarly, an overactive amygdala, which manages emotions and threat detection, can flood your body with stress hormones, putting you in constant "fight or flight" mode.

These overactive brain regions can lead to behaviors like avoidance or hypervigilance, as seen in those grappling with trauma. Learning to regulate these areas isn’t impossible; it just takes targeted techniques.

Examples

• A misfiring ACG causes many to fixate on their faults, imagining scenarios far worse than reality.
• People with hyperactive amygdalas often feel perpetually stressed due to past traumas.
• Jimmy’s childhood trauma over-activated these areas, fueling his public speaking anxieties.

3. Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) Are Toxic but Exterminable

Your brain's tendency to spiral into negative thoughts often arises automatically—they're called automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). These harmful thought patterns can feel overwhelming, undebatable, and true.

For instance, Ted, a marketer, received constructive criticism from a coworker about his campaign. Instead of viewing it as a chance to improve, he spiraled into thinking he was bad at his job and should give up entirely. ANTs like these need to be squashed before they derail you.

The trick lies in asking, "Is it true?" This simple question brings perspective by replacing emotions with logic. This practice turns negative spirals into opportunities for growth.

Examples

• An All-or-Nothing ANT might convince someone they’re a failure when faced with one mistake.
• Fortune-Telling ANTs overwhelmed Jimmy, predicting failure for his presentation.
• Asking "Is it true?" helps ground emotions and address fears effectively.

4. Social Media Giants Feed Your Inferior Dragons

Social media fuels endless comparisons, encouraging people to feel inadequate. The curated and filtered lives presented online can make anyone feel insubstantial.

Inferior Dragons whisper lies like, "You’re not attractive, successful, or smart enough," intensifying self-doubt and depression. For instance, a study found teens spend more time on social media than sleeping, deepening these harmful comparisons.

Combat this by limiting exposure to content that triggers comparisons. Instead of focusing on others’ achievements, reflect on your unique strengths and embrace gratitude for what you have.

Examples

• Scrolling through Instagram makes some people feel worse about their bodies.
• LinkedIn can create feelings of inadequacy when peers succeed faster.
• A gratitude-based mantra, like “I am my own unique person,” can defuse Inferior Dragons.

5. Grief Is Pain, and It Manifests in the Brain

Losing someone or something close activates the same areas of the brain triggered by physical pain. Grief isn't just emotional—it’s physical and neurological.

To handle grief effectively, it’s important to process emotions early. Suppressing feelings only makes things worse. Sleep also becomes vital during grieving, as rest helps the brain recover and handle loss in a balanced way.

Early intervention and logical self-talk can prevent prolonged suffering. For instance, someone overcoming breakup grief can focus on positive friendships while confronting feelings of loneliness head-on.

Examples

• Grief activates the same neural areas as physical injury.
• Loss of routines due to COVID-19 created worldwide Grief Dragons.
• Confronting emotions early—and getting proper rest—is critical to healing.

6. The Fight-or-Flight Response Can Be Stopped

Deep breathing is a quick tool to calm your brain. When you breathe deeply, you deactivate the amygdala’s panic signals and shift your body out of “fight or flight” mode.

Simple techniques—like counting breaths, using calming phrases, or repeating affirmations—can disrupt spirals of anxiety. Over time, these habits help you stay grounded in challenging situations.

Jimmy could benefit from this approach by calming his racing thoughts before presentations, reframing his fears, and remembering his past successes.

Examples

• Deep breathing can regulate heart rhythms during emotional spikes.
• Meditation lowers amygdala activity according to medical research.
• Calming exercises were shown to reduce Jimmy’s speaking fears.

7. Gratitude Rewires Negative Thinking

When faced with negativity, pausing to list what you’re thankful for can dramatically shift your mindset. Gratitude engages areas of the brain that foster happiness.

Even small practices, like mentally listing three good things in your life, can deflate ANTs and make feelings of despair manageable. Gratitude helps reframe challenges as opportunities.

In Jimmy’s case, a mental note of his supportive colleagues, capable skills, and loving spouse could serve as reminders of hope, even during stress.

Examples

• Focusing on family, good health, or hobbies diminishes negative spirals.
• Making daily gratitude lists rewires the brain for positivity.
• Jimmy could dwell on his career accomplishments to combat presenting fears.

8. Dragons Shrink with Logical Self-Talk

Your current feelings aren’t always based on truth. Logical re-examination helps untangle fact from fiction. Challenging ANTs with reason expands your perspective.

Jimmy’s exaggerated fears about losing his job and wife could be neutralized if he reflects realistically. His deep-seated speaking fears could shift into manageable challenges with logical reasoning.

Repeating rational arguments reinforces resilience, teaching the brain new, healthier patterns.

Examples

• Logical self-talk helped Ted realize criticism isn’t synonymous with failure.
• Jimmy could remind himself that excellent past achievements outweigh one potential mistake.
• This approach helped individuals in trauma therapy reduce anxiety symptoms.

9. Meditative Practices Cultivate Calm

Meditation isn’t a new fad; it’s a proven way to refocus and calm your brain. Techniques like loving-kindness meditation involve repeating affirmations to encourage feelings of peace and positivity.

Simple daily practices provide coping tools for facing dragons. For beginners, repeating phrases such as "May I be at peace" while breathing rhythmically can lower stress.

Jimmy could use meditation as part of his preparation rituals, relieving anxiety before high-pressure situations like public speaking.

Examples

• Loving-kindness meditations reduce anxiety and foster compassion.
• A 2009 journal study found meditative prayer significantly calmed participants.
• Breathing exercises encouraged Jimmy to remain composed at work events.

Takeaways

1. Combat negativity with logic. Question automatic negative thoughts by asking, “Is it true?,” and replace them with realistic perspectives.
2. Limit comparison triggers. Reduce your social media usage or eliminate specific pages that encourage toxic self-comparison.
3. Practice gratitude daily. Pause each day to reflect on three positive aspects of your life to retrain your brain to focus on the good.