Your Turn

What if the version of adulthood you’ve been sold doesn’t fit your life? Then it’s time to redefine it for yourself.

1. Adulting Begins When You Step Into the Game

Becoming an adult often sneaks up on us, and it usually happens when life throws curveballs. Instead of passively watching from the sidelines, you take ownership of the challenges. This lesson crystalized for the author when she had to deal with all her belongings being destroyed in a moving truck fire. At that moment, she realized nobody else could resolve the situation for her—it was up to her to tackle it. And surprisingly, that responsibility felt empowering.

Adulting starts with the basics: things like cooking meals, scheduling appointments, and paying your bills. For many, doing these tasks alone for the first time can feel overwhelming, particularly if they’ve lived in a bubble of dependence. The psychological term for this is "learned helplessness"—a mindset where people expect others to take care of things. But breaking free from this mindset is the first step in building self-reliance.

More than just handling daily tasks, fending for yourself means taking control of life's direction. Whether it’s applying for a job or making your own choices, you start seeing life as a game where participation matters. Winning or losing is secondary; the point is that you’re now playing rather than watching others navigate their lives.

Examples

• A young adult leaves home for college and learns to manage finances and shopping for the first time.
• Someone loses a job and takes the initiative to apply for new ones despite fear of rejection.
• Making the transition from relying on parents to organizing yearly dental check-ups independently.

2. Perfection Isn't the Goal—Progress Is

The pursuit of perfection traps many into a cycle of anxiety, shame, and paralysis. People often internalize the idea that failure is bad, but failure is essential for growth. Failing teaches us what doesn't work and forces us to innovate and stretch beyond our comfort zones. This reframing of failure as a learning opportunity is what allows people to continue moving forward.

Growth requires adopting a “stretch zone” mindset, where you deliberately embrace challenges, accept that you might not get it right on your first attempt, and focus on what you learn instead. Think of it as the difference between crawling as a baby and eventually walking—falling was an expected part of the process.

Practical strategies for breaking free of perfectionism include shifting your inner dialogue. Instead of saying “I can’t,” replace it with “I’ll try the first step and see what happens.” Similarly, ditch “I’m terrible at this” for “I haven’t mastered this yet.” These small mental rewires cultivate resilience and confidence, encouraging continuous improvement over unattainable ideals.

Examples

• A student decides to focus on progress, not grades, and notices better understanding in subjects over time.
• An artist experiments with imperfect sketches, realizing that failure helps refine their technique.
• A business owner tries new strategies and learns from mistakes without holding onto the fear of failure.

3. "Being Good" Stops Where Unhappiness Begins

We’re often taught to please others—to be kind, helpful, and agreeable—but sometimes, this can come at the cost of personal happiness. Self-imposed pressure or external demands can force individuals into roles that don't align with who they are. Living authentically starts by tuning in to your own needs and letting go of others’ expectations.

The author shares her own pivot from a “successful” corporate law career to a deeply rewarding role as a writer and speaker. She realized that despite meeting external benchmarks of success, she was miserable. Deciding to prioritize her happiness called for listening to her inner voice and pushing past the fear of disappointing others.

Balancing kindness with self-care means choosing to help within your limits while saying no to things that drain you. Society praises selflessness, but when being good compromises your well-being, it’s time to shift gears and steer toward what truly nourishes you.

Examples

• Someone in a high-paying but unfulfilling job quits to pursue a passion for teaching.
• Declining a family obligation that compromises mental health, despite feeling guilty.
• Volunteering time to a cause you believe in while maintaining boundaries around personal time.

4. Taking Action Now Creates Momentum

Adulthood doesn’t come with a user manual, and waiting to “feel ready” only delays progress. Instead, doing something—anything—is the key to moving forward. Every choice, big or small, builds life experience, pushing you closer to the future you envision.

Staying stuck feels comfortable because it avoids risk, but the cost is boredom and stagnation. The author compares inaction to endlessly swiping on dating apps—you gain only a false sense of freedom while postponing real connection. To break free, you need intentionality. Framing your intentions positively rather than negatively helps, too; instead of focusing on avoiding failure, focus on seeking success.

Even small actions create ripples. Think of life as a car—you’re not always at full speed, but pressing the pedal engages the engine and starts the journey. Once momentum builds, challenges seem smaller and opportunities more tangible.

Examples

• A shy person pushes themselves to attend a class alone and meets new friends.
• Switching career paths by starting with a single informational interview with someone in the field.
• Exploring a new hobby like painting, which leads to unexpected job opportunities.

5. Financial Literacy = Marshmallow Management

The famous marshmallow test revealed that delaying gratification often leads to greater rewards. Money works the same way—it’s not about depriving yourself but about knowing how to invest in your future wisely. Saving today can yield opportunities for tomorrow.

Basic financial principles involve living within your means and allocating a portion of your income to savings. For example, aim to spend no more than one-third of your monthly paycheck on housing. Developing good credit habits, like paying credit card bills in full each month, is also essential.

The true magic happens with compound interest. Even saving as little as $2.77 a day into a Roth IRA could lead to over $283,000 by the time you retire if started at 22. It’s the discipline and consistency of these small decisions that elevate financial security in the long run.

Examples

• Saving $1,000 yearly from age 22 vs. starting at 32 grows retirement savings significantly.
• Skipping daily takeout coffee to fund an emergency savings account.
• Using budgeting apps to track expenses and stay on financial goals.

6. Your Body and Mind Deserve Care

To live meaningfully, you need a vessel capable of carrying you there—your body and mind. Neglecting physical or mental well-being ultimately sabotages your pursuits. The basics—exercising, eating well, staying hydrated—lay a foundation for energy and resilience.

Going deeper, self-care also includes seeking therapy, letting go of guilt or grudges, and learning to set boundaries with overbearing loved ones. Investing in emotional well-being can transform relationships, including old patterns with parents, into healthier dynamics.

Social connection further enriches life. Sharing quality time and experiences builds bonds, while small gestures like chatting with a barista can boost your mood. Our health often relies as much on relationships as on what’s on our plate.

Examples

• Releasing resentment toward a parent to foster mutual respect.
• Joining a hiking group to combine fitness and social interaction.
• Seeking therapy to overcome a history of trauma, leading to greater self-awareness.

7. Resilience Is Your Superpower

Bad things happen—that’s a part of life. But resilience helps turn those tough moments into growth opportunities. Much like a muscle, resilience strengthens over time as you cope with and bounce back from challenges.

Strategies to build resilience include reflection—examining how you’ve overcome past struggles—and seeking support when needed. Helping others during difficult times can also bring clarity and solace. Whether encouraging a friend or working on community issues, giving back redirects pain into purpose.

Ultimately, resilience isn’t about avoiding hardship but embracing it as part of the human experience. It transforms suffering into something meaningful, helping you push forward despite setbacks.

Examples

• Supporting a friend through their struggles while processing your own grief.
• Volunteering for a cause to feel empowered against broader societal issues.
• Journaling about lessons learned from a breakup to close that chapter.

8. The Power of Mindfulness, Kindness, and Gratitude

Mindfulness, kindness, and gratitude are all practices that quietly add immense value to daily life. Mindfulness grounds you in the present, offering clarity about what matters. One way to cultivate more mindfulness is through daily meditations or simply pausing to notice your thoughts.

Kindness ripples outward. A small act of generosity often inspires others to do the same. Whether helping a stranger or lifting a friend’s spirits, these gestures create connections that matter. Gratitude amplifies the good—by focusing on what you’re thankful for, you expand your awareness of life’s positives.

Together, these practices bring balance and joy, helping you build a fulfilling life grounded in shared humanity and self-awareness.

Examples

• Writing a gratitude journal entry every morning to start the day on a positive note.
• Paying for someone else’s coffee as a random act of kindness.
• Practicing 5-minute breathing exercises to reduce stress at work.

Takeaways

1. Take small but consistent steps to save, be it financial or emotional resources. Compound growth isn’t just about money but applies to every effort toward progress.
2. Build time into your schedule for mindfulness practices, like meditation or solo reflection. These habits will increase clarity and resilience in the long run.
3. Perform one small act of kindness each day—it could be for someone you know, a stranger, or yourself. Generosity sparks joy both ways.