Dear Madam President

“Why was it easier for America to elect its first Black president than its first female president? The answer lies in societal biases and expectations around ambition, emotions, and leadership.”

1. Gender Bias Shaped Hillary Clinton’s Presidential Campaign

Society holds ambitious women to a different standard than men, and this had a profound effect on Hillary Clinton’s presidential bid. Clinton, a woman with decades of political experience, faced scrutiny not for her policies but for how she conformed to preconceived gender roles. Her ambition unsettled many, as society is more comfortable with women prioritizing the greater good over their personal goals.

During her campaign, Clinton was repeatedly advised to present her ambitions as selfless acts of service, not personal achievement. Unfortunately, this allowed others to perceive her as less authentic. Even her concession speech was labeled her best public appearance—not because it was different but because it aligned with gendered expectations of grace in defeat.

Palmieri recalls how the media judged Clinton more favorably when she adhered to traditional notions of femininity. It is this unequal standard that makes it harder for women to be seen as leaders unless their ambition is cloaked in service or humility.

Examples

• Clinton’s “softer side” during her concession speech was praised more than her debate performances.
• Experts warned her campaign team that ambitious women like Clinton are often viewed as selfish.
• Clinton had to navigate a double bind where ambition was seen negatively unless framed around serving others.

2. Boldly Share Your Perspective in High-Stakes Spaces

In male-dominated spaces, assertiveness isn’t optional—it’s essential. During her time in the Oval Office under Bill Clinton, Palmieri learned she had to speak up, even if it meant interrupting. These spaces operated fast, and hesitation often equated to being overlooked.

While President Obama’s meetings were calmer, he insisted on hearing from quieter team members, many of whom were women. His habit of soliciting input from everyone underscored a key lesson: every opinion matters, and sharing yours builds your credibility as a decision-maker.

Palmieri believes that believing in the value of your opinions encourages others to take you seriously. Confidence in your contributions can shift others’ perceptions, making space for your voice at the table.

Examples

• In President Obama’s meetings, staff members were asked directly for their input if they hadn’t already spoken.
• Palmieri found that interrupting in Bill Clinton’s chaotic staff meetings was necessary to be heard.
• Her growing confidence came from realizing the President of the United States valued her ideas.

3. Let Emotions Be A Strength, Not A Liability

Women often feel pressure to hide their emotions at work, fearing they’ll appear weak. Palmieri recalls suppressing tears on election night 2016, choosing stoicism instead. Yet later, during a heated press conference, she let herself cry while addressing the Trump campaign’s rhetoric. Instead of regret, Palmieri saw this as a powerful statement of her values.

The extra scrutiny placed on women’s emotional reactions stems from stereotypes around their stability under pressure. However, authentic displays of emotion can signal passion and commitment. Palmieri urges women to embrace their emotions as a strength rather than something to minimize.

Palmieri’s tears during the press conference were both criticized and praised but showed her commitment to calling out injustice. This reinforced her belief that caring is impactful, even when emotions are on display.

Examples

• Palmieri avoided crying on election night to avoid being stereotyped as overly emotional.
• During a press conference, she cried while confronting Trump’s team about “racist rhetoric.”
• Her tears became a memorable and meaningful moment for those who supported her stance.

4. Effective Leaders Use Both Logic and Intuition

Great leaders combine thoughtful analysis with heartfelt decision-making. When tragedy struck, such as the Trayvon Martin verdict, President Obama didn’t just react rationally; he also let empathy guide him. He chose to speak for the Black community, not just to them, connecting with his personal experiences as a Black man.

Clinton’s instincts also highlighted this duality, though her team didn’t always follow her lead. For example, she wanted to directly address voter concerns about her private email server, but her campaign team advised against it. In hindsight, Palmieri recognizes that Clinton’s intuitive approach could have been a turning point in regaining public trust.

Heartfelt and intuitive leadership resonates deeply with people. It demonstrates vulnerability, humanity, and authenticity—qualities voters and teams appreciate.

Examples

• President Obama’s speech after the Trayvon Martin verdict reflected both his logic and empathy.
• Clinton’s suggestion to further address the email scandal stemmed from her understanding of voters’ mistrust.
• Palmieri realized that ignoring Clinton’s heart-led instincts inadvertently hurt the campaign’s narrative.

5. Aging Should Be Celebrated, Not Hidden

Palmieri highlights a double standard: we comment favorably on male leaders’ aging but expect women in power to look flawless. The “pink tax” on women—the societal pressure to spend more time and resources on appearance—affects female leaders at every stage of their careers.

While society tells women to erase wrinkles and gray hair, Palmieri sees aging as a mark of experience and life lived. Wrinkles tell stories of joy, stress, and perseverance. Politicians like Obama emerged from office visibly aged, their appearance reflecting the weight of their leadership—a story women, too, should embrace unapologetically.

Rejecting pressures to look ageless allows women to embrace their personal and professional journeys authentically. It’s time we judged women more by their results than their appearance.

Examples

• Male leaders like President Obama faced public conversations about aging that didn’t belittle them.
• Palmieri notices advertisements promoting “anti-aging” but chooses to celebrate her wrinkles.
• The societal expectation for women to maintain appearance through taxing beauty routines persists.

6. Women Face Higher Scrutiny for Ambition

Palmieri observes that ambitious women often carry the added burden of defending their goals. The media and public persistently critiqued Clinton’s drive, even questioning whether she had a “softer” side. This contrasted with how male leaders are allowed to project ambition unapologetically.

Clinton’s campaign focused on ensuring her ambition felt relatable, tying it to public service rather than personal achievement. Despite this adjustment, she faced accusations of being untrustworthy—a challenge male candidates didn’t face as acutely.

Society’s discomfort with women holding power must shift if we want more female leaders. Until then, ambitious women like Clinton will need to learn to operate under this spotlight.

Examples

• Clinton constantly reassured voters her ambition stemmed from a desire to serve.
• Many commentators criticized her as cold or untrustworthy despite her extensive qualifications.
• Male candidates openly demonstrated ambition without facing similar resistance.

7. America Elected Trump as a Reaction to Disruption

The election of Donald Trump represented more than a political shock—it was a backlash to cultural shifts. While liberal America celebrated progress in areas like gay marriage and healthcare reform, many Americans felt excluded. They viewed Washington as disconnected and unrepresentative of their traditional values.

Palmieri believes that this sentiment, rather than Trump alone, propelled him to victory. He became a vessel for the frustrations of those who felt marginalized by progressive politics and rapid societal changes.

Understanding Trump’s election means understanding the anger and alienation of millions of Americans. By ignoring these sentiments, traditional politicians missed the opportunity to preempt the backlash.

Examples

• Trump’s “Make America Great Again” slogan appealed to those longing for a return to old values.
• Many white, conservative voters felt gay marriage and healthcare reforms did not represent their beliefs.
• Progressive celebrations in 2015 masked the brewing discontent among traditionalists.

8. Learning Resilience from Setbacks

Despite the challenges she faced, Clinton exemplified resilience by continuously showing up. Palmieri admired her persistence—each day, she got up, tackled challenges, and kept moving forward.

This attitude is instructive for anyone seeking to overcome setbacks. Showing tenacity in the face of adversity sends a message of strength, even when the odds are against you.

Ultimately, resilience isn’t a one-time choice but a daily commitment to persevere in striving toward your goals.

Examples

• Clinton’s concession speech showcased grace and determination to continue serving the country.
• Palmieri watched Clinton tackle criticism and still greet each day with an optimistic attitude.
• Resilience became an action plan for the campaign regardless of the challenges that arose.

9. Women Leaders Must Rewrite the Rules

The political establishment doesn’t naturally accommodate women; they must often carve their own paths. Clinton’s bid to rewrite traditional expectations highlighted this challenge. From emotions to appearance, female leaders face hurdles irrelevant to their male counterparts.

Palmieri encourages ambitious women to embrace their unique qualities and use these traits to reshape existing systems. Only by paving new ways forward can society reach equitable representation.

Change is slow, but it’s women stepping into leadership roles who will model what’s possible for future generations.

Examples

• Clinton’s candidacy opened conversations about why America hasn’t elected a female president.
• Palmieri emphasizes that women should bring their whole selves—including emotions—to leadership.
• Female leaders' successes inspire younger generations to envision themselves in similar roles.

Takeaways

1. Speak with confidence in meetings, believing that your voice brings necessary value to the table.
2. Embrace your emotions as part of passionate leadership rather than suppressing them as a weakness.
3. Approach daily setbacks with resilience, determined to hold onto your goals no matter the challenges.