DIRTY LAUNDRY Summary

“ADHD doesn’t mean you’re broken; it just means your brain works differently. Embrace it, understand it, and find new ways to thrive.”

1. Losing Things is Not a Character Flaw

ADHD can make people lose items frequently, but it’s not due to carelessness or disrespect. Rox’s experiences, from losing thirteen phones to precious items like her late mother’s letter, highlight how deeply painful and frustrating this pattern can be. She often faced judgment, leading her to believe she was flawed.

With her ADHD diagnosis, Rox transformed shame into understanding. She learned that her brain’s wiring contributed to these challenges rather than moral failure. Reframing the way she spoke to herself helped her let go of self-blame and replace it with kindness.

Building a support system also proved helpful. Practical strategies, like giving neighbors spare keys or asking her partner to carry items, minimized disruptions when she misplaced things. Beyond logistics, her loved ones’ compassion created a safer emotional space.

Examples

• Rox once slept on her doorstep after losing her keys.
• She developed a system where her partner carries spare items such as chargers.
• Emphasizing emotional regulation through breathing helped her stay calm when losing something.

2. Managing Time Blindness

People with ADHD often struggle with perceiving time accurately, a challenge known as time blindness. Rox demonstrates this through episodes like missing two flights in one day. Her inability to sense time consistently caused distress and misunderstandings.

To manage time blindness, Rox recommends honesty, both with oneself and others. Recognize that leaving late won’t magically lead to being on time. Communicating openly about your timing helps set realistic expectations and avoids unnecessary guilt about being late.

Turning timeliness into something humorous or lighthearted can reduce anxiety. For instance, being known as “always late” makes it easier to ask for understanding. Partners and friends can also assist by taking charge of crucial deadlines, such as departure times.

Examples

• Rox missed two back-to-back flights in one day due to underestimating the time needed.
• She started practicing honesty about her timing instead of making overly optimistic promises.
• Friends humorously reminding her about deadlines made time management less stressful.

3. Hyperfocus: A Double-Edged Sword

Hyperfocus allows individuals with ADHD to intensely dive into topics, sometimes at inappropriate moments. Rox’s obsession with ancient Egypt in school gained her the “gifted child” label, but it disguised the real struggle of being unable to control her focus.

While hyperfocus resembles a superpower, it can hinder essential priorities. Rox experienced burnout as expectations of her intelligence fell short in practical work environments. Her sharp focus on personal interests didn’t always align with everyday responsibilities.

The trick lies in embracing hyperfocus while avoiding extremes. This involves enjoying the deep dive into hobbies yet being wary of burnout and taking drastic, impulsive actions. Emotional support from loved ones can help redirect energy when hyperfocus takes over.

Examples

• Rox created a clay model of an ancient Egyptian tool during a hyperfocus phase.
• She struggled in careers where hyperfocus didn’t match job demands such as banking.
• Rich helps Rox identify when fun hyperfocus burns too much mental fuel.

4. Understanding Task Avoidance

Task avoidance in ADHD doesn’t mean laziness—it’s swapping one task for another when overwhelmed. For instance, Rox once helped classmates study for their exam instead of tackling her own imminent exam preparation. This shift of focus often stems from stress or boredom.

Acknowledging and identifying task avoidance as it happens is one way to reclaim control. Making a habit of completing vital tasks first can also help break the cycle. Controlling one’s emotional response to these moments fosters a healthier approach to productivity.

A positive outlook can reframe this habit. Cleaning when avoiding emails, for example, shows progress rather than failure. Those supporting someone with ADHD can encourage their creative detours, maintaining patience instead of pressure.

Examples

• Rox abandoned personal study time to tutor friends on their assignments.
• Getting essential tasks out of the way earlier helped her self-discipline over time.
• Friends showed curiosity about her creative distractions rather than frustration.

5. Overcoming Communication Barriers with Object Constancy

ADHD makes maintaining relationships more challenging due to object constancy – out of sight, out of mind. Rox often forgot about distant friends, leading to guilt and feelings of inadequacy. This disconnect wasn’t from a lack of care; her ADHD spotlight was just aimed elsewhere.

Overcoming this required lowering societal pressures on constant connectivity. Rox adopted strategies like scheduling set meetups and recognizing her unique communication style. This change helped her maintain friendships without unnecessary shame.

Friends and family can also lighten pressures by reinforcing their understanding and patience. Focusing on present, face-to-face bonds matters more than merely responding quickly to texts.

Examples

• Rox felt paralyzed by guilt when missing a message from a high school friend.
• Agreeing to specific coffee dates helped strengthen friendships.
• Making peace with delayed responses improved her mental well-being.

6. Owning Impulsiveness Instead of Fighting It

Impulsiveness can spark creative bursts or chaotic decisions. Rox’s numerous business ventures, from resin art to unisex kids’ fashion, highlight both the exciting and impractical sides of sudden urges. Her “hobbies graveyard” showcases forgotten projects while balancing ADHD dreams.

Instead of stifling impulsiveness, Rox embraced patience. Letting ideas simmer before diving into action prevented costly mistakes. Dreaming without major commitments allowed her excitement to flourish safely.

Loved ones can provide crucial grounding by discussing ideas gently and helping assess feasibility. When guided well, impulsiveness can lead to remarkable projects, as seen in Rox and Rich’s successful TikTok channel and book.

Examples

• Rox impulsively started the “House of Resin” business after seeing a resin craft video.
• She learned to test ideas with small steps first before fully committing.
• With Rich’s support, Rox’s impulsiveness launched their popular ADHD platform.

7. Compassion Beats Shame Every Time

One cornerstone of managing ADHD is replacing criticism with compassion. Rox’s environment changed once she and Rich started focusing on mutual understanding instead of blame. Instead of treating symptoms like forgetfulness as failures, they approached them as natural parts of life.

ADHD is not a defect. Normalizing and accepting behaviors promotes emotional health. Learning to create a compassionate space, whether for oneself or loved ones, leads to an enriching and supportive atmosphere.

Being upfront and honest about ADHD quirks invites others to offer helpful rather than judgmental feedback. This helps everyone feel included and appreciated in the relationship.

Examples

• Rich established routines to accommodate Rox’s forgetfulness without blame.
• Rox’s self-talk improved by recognizing that ADHD doesn’t reflect character flaws.
• Open conversations about ADHD normalized their shared challenges.

8. Leaning on Loved Ones for Support

Partnerships built on mutual trust can ease ADHD challenges. Rich plays a vital role in Rox’s life, offering practical solutions while valuing her unique qualities. Effective teamwork offsets ADHD-induced stress.

Clear communication builds trust. Delegating tasks like deadlines or shared commitments empowers teamwork and minimizes frustration. Together, they’ve built systems to balance ADHD needs with everyday life.

Loved ones who embrace these responsibilities without judgment foster a stable and harmonious environment. Celebrating each other’s strengths creates resilience rather than resentment.

Examples

• Rich carried a spare phone charger for Rox when she misplaced hers frequently.
• Humor played a big role—sharing stories and laughing about mishaps lightened tension.
• They navigated everyday obstacles by honestly discussing each issue.

9. Embrace Diversity in Thinking

ADHD isn't an obstacle but a different way of viewing the world. Rox’s diagnosis helped her stop thinking of her behaviors as faults. Instead, by exploring her own strengths, interests, and quirks, she found new ways to thrive.

Creative thinking is a strength that ADHD often brings. By combining this creativity with a bit of structure, ADHDers can make huge contributions. Rox’s story emphasizes the need to embrace your unique traits.

Acknowledging diversity in thinking can dissolve judgment and foster innovation. Those supporting ADHDers also benefit from welcoming this perspective shift into their lives.

Examples

• Rox reimagined her struggles as opportunities for growth after her diagnosis.
• She leveraged storytelling on TikTok to reach millions of followers authentically.
• Creativity became a celebrated part of her relationship with Rich.

Takeaways

1. Replace shame with self-compassion to better navigate ADHD-driven behaviors in daily life.
2. Build a practical support network, including routines and friends, to help manage common ADHD challenges.
3. Embrace your creativity and unique traits while learning strategies to channel them productively.