Excellent Advice for Living

“What do you wish you had known earlier in life? Start with that list and keep it close.” Kevin Kelly offers wisdom collected over a lifetime to answer just this.

1. The Value of Making People Feel Seen

Building meaningful connections starts with the simplest actions. People feel valued when their presence is acknowledged. As Kevin Kelly suggests, remembering someone’s name and using it in conversation is a small but impactful gesture. This simple move signals interest and creates a positive impression.

Kelly also advises reintroducing yourself when meeting someone for the second or third time; this shows humility and prevents awkward moments. Paying attention to subtext during conversations is another tool for better interaction. Instead of focusing solely on what’s being said, listen to the emotions or intentions behind the words.

Conversation isn’t a competition to be the most correct. Kelly stresses that truth and kindness are equally important. If your dialogue doesn’t meet all three criteria – true, necessary, and kind – it’s worth reconsidering whether to say it.

Examples

• Using someone’s name in a sentence during a first meeting, such as “Nice to meet you, Sarah.”
• Introducing yourself again, even when only slightly unsure if someone recalls you.
• Pausing to think before correcting someone’s mistake unless it matters significantly.

2. Family Begins with Your Partner

Strengthening your partnership anchors the entire family dynamic. Kelly emphasizes the importance of prioritizing your relationship with your partner, as children thrive when they see mutual respect and love between their parents.

Children don’t just grow their confidence in an environment of love but in one that offers structure too. Setting family rules may seem strict but gives kids a framework that enhances their sense of safety. Shared rituals like weekly family dinners bring everyone together, creating a sense of unity.

Time matters more than material goods when it comes to parent-child relationships. Kelly suggests spending double the time you think is sufficient with your kids while slashing the budget on luxuries. Presence, not presents, leaves the most lasting memories.

Examples

• Maintaining a weekly ritual like pizza night or Sunday afternoon hikes.
• Explicitly describing decisions in terms of agreed family rules like, “Our family doesn’t allow phones at the dinner table.”
• Reading a bedtime story with your kids instead of buying another toy.

3. Travel with Purpose, Not Prestige

Kelly proposes that travel should be driven by personal interest, not where social status suggests you “should” go. Picking travel destinations based on hobbies or niche interests leads to richer experiences.

For instance, a budding photographer might choose India for its vibrant street life, while a history buff could explore ancient Greek ruins. Kelly also advocates for choosing unknown locations to embrace unplanned adventures, which often surprise travelers with unique cultural insights.

Finally, packing smartly ensures smoother journeys. Regular travelers can avoid mishaps by always carrying warm clothing, grouping possessions visibly, or exploring their home city from a tourist’s perspective to rediscover its charm.

Examples

• Traveling to Japan to explore calligraphy after practicing it as a hobby.
• Spending a weekend visiting landmarks and museums in your hometown.
• Stashing an extra sweater even when heading to warmer climates.

4. Sleep as a Survival Tool

Good sleep isn’t a luxury; it’s a tool for survival. Kelly emphasizes how sleep affects every aspect of life. Investing in a proper bed might seem costly, but few expenses make as much difference to daily quality of life.

Feeling drained or out of sorts often requires just one correction: sleep. A quick power nap can work wonders, restoring focus far better than another cup of coffee. Short-term embarrassment over napping is a small price to pay for the benefits.

Beyond sleep, Kelly recommends scanning emergency exits whenever you enter new spaces. Knowing where to go during an emergency can save your life in critical moments.

Examples

• Buying a high-quality mattress rather than settling for a cheap option.
• Setting aside 20 minutes for a recharge nap at work.
• Noting nearest exits before takeoff on flights or while entering theaters.

5. Help First, Don’t Hesitate

Showing up as a helper gives people confidence in chaotic situations. When emergencies happen, active decision-making can make a difference. Whether in a car accident or natural disaster, listen for the rule of “three” – three signals, splits of time, or priorities.

Also, keep a cool head. Jumping straight to food or water in survival scenarios might feel right, but temperature regulation matters first. Humans succumb more quickly to extreme heat or cold than starvation or dehydration.

Meanwhile, small habits like carrying a whistle instead of relying on shouts could later mean the difference in attracting immediate aid.

Examples

• Using three clear whistle blows to signal when stranded.
• Explaining to others to stay inside vehicles after accidents to reduce further harm.
• Memorizing wilderness rules: warmth first, hydration second, food last.

6. Build on Childhood Oddities

The quirks we carry from childhood often hide the seeds of exceptional opportunities. Kelly says embracing what made us different as kids can guide us toward thriving in unique niches.

People often mistakenly dismiss their childhood fascinations, thinking they’re trivial. Instead, those are clues to areas waiting for exploration. Pursuing those interests may reveal expertise no one else has thought to cultivate.

Kelly teaches that fulfilling careers often emerge from standing out, not blending in. New or unconventional approaches can result in achievements that feel deeply personal and rewarding.

Examples

• Revisiting an old love for drawing to find unexpected career ideas.
• Pursuing astronomy after a childhood fascination with constellations.
• Using “weird” passions like Lego building to cultivate creativity.

7. Success from Repeated Efforts

Success grows from sustained efforts, not singular bursts of inspiration. Kelly suggests experimenting with prototypes of your ideas without fear of perfection. It’s perfectly fine to fail several times before finding the “great” version.

Simply showing up is far more effective in the long run than dramatic one-offs. Instead of striving for a leap, focus on incremental improvements daily. You’ll look back and realize the steady practice paid off.

Often, adjusting your mental lens helps too. Instead of fixating on the target, appreciate how much progress you’ve already made. Pausing to reflect gives confidence for the road ahead.

Examples

• Writing daily instead of aiming for an entire novel in one weekend.
• Experimenting with business models by launching small-scale versions.
• Celebrating milestones like finishing chapter 5 rather than worrying about chapter 20.

8. Say “No” Thoughtfully

Kelly advises that it’s better to turn something down politely than to commit and later disappoint. Generosity is good, but spreading yourself thin is not.

A solid “no” doesn’t need elaborate explanations – simple, respectful rejections can go a long way in maintaining relationships. This approach lets you focus your energy where it truly counts.

Overcommitting adds unnecessary stress, while choosing commitments carefully leaves room to excel in what truly matters.

Examples

• Declining invitations kindly without offering excuses.
• Accepting only workplace projects aligned with personal career growth.
• Avoiding last-minute cancellations by avoiding over-scheduling.

9. The Three Criteria for Your Words

Every statement should align with truth, necessity, and kindness. Kelly advises people to remove empty commentary from their lives by asking, “Is what I’m about to say meaningful?”

Speaking less can sometimes mean saying more. Quality trumps quantity in conversations, especially when striving to foster understanding. Kelly believes clearer communication improves not only relationships but personal peace.

By replacing rushed responses or venting frustrations with meaningful dialogue, life becomes more harmonious.

Examples

• Choosing not to dispute incorrect minor statements during casual conversation.
• Delivering unpleasant truths with empathy, considering how they’ll affect others.
• Opting for silence when tempted by unnecessary arguments.

Takeaways

1. Prioritize meaningful connections by listening more, speaking thoughtfully, and valuing others in small but intentional ways.
2. Focus on daily efforts and adjustments instead of obsessing over future goals or rare grand successes.
3. Learn to embody kindness, prioritize presence over presents, and remain open to ongoing personal refinements.