Introduction
In "Excellent Advice for Living," Kevin Kelly offers a treasure trove of wisdom gleaned from a lifetime of experiences and observations. At the age of 68, Kelly set out to compile a collection of pithy life advice he wished he had encountered earlier in life. Initially intended as a gift for his young adult children, this informal compendium grew into a substantial work containing 450 "bits" of advice.
This book is not about originality or ownership of ideas. Instead, it presents a curated selection of maxims from various sources that Kelly believes can pave the way to a better life. Each bit of advice, though concise, has the potential to spark profound insights and personal growth.
Kelly invites readers to engage with these bits of wisdom in a way that resonates with their own lives and experiences. He encourages us to expand on each piece of advice, applying it to our unique circumstances. If a particular bit doesn't resonate, we're free to move on to the next, collecting only those proverbs that feel true and relevant to our current stage in life.
Let's dive into the key areas of advice Kelly offers, exploring how these insights can guide us towards an excellent life.
Excellent Advice for Relating
Human interactions form a significant part of our lives, and learning to navigate these relationships skillfully can greatly enhance our quality of life. Kelly offers several valuable tips for improving our interactions with others:
The Power of Names
When meeting someone for the first time, make a conscious effort to remember their name. This simple act can make people feel seen and valued. A practical way to do this is to incorporate their name into your response after they introduce themselves. For example, you might say, "It's nice to meet you, John," or "Hello, Maria."
Gracious Reintroductions
When encountering someone for the second or third time, be gracious and reintroduce yourself. This gesture can save the other person from potential embarrassment if they've forgotten your name. A simple "Hi Anna, Kevin Kelly here" is often sufficient.
The Art of Listening
To become an exceptional conversationalist, focus more on listening than speaking. Pay attention not just to the words being spoken, but also to the subtext and underlying emotions. Kelly advises talking less than you feel inclined to – this is usually the right amount.
The Three Criteria of Speech
Before speaking, consider whether what you're about to say meets three important criteria: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? By prioritizing consideration over correctness in your conversations, you can create more positive and meaningful interactions.
Generosity vs. Stinginess
While generosity is a virtue in most aspects of life, Kelly suggests being stingy when it comes to accepting engagements and making promises. It's better to decline an invitation or commitment upfront than to agree initially and then back out later. Remember, a polite "no" is a perfectly valid response.
Excellent Advice for Parenting
Parenting is one of life's greatest challenges and rewards. For those who are parents or considering becoming parents, Kelly offers some valuable insights:
Prioritize Your Partnership
One of the best things you can do for your children is to prioritize your relationship with your partner. The love and respect you show each other provides a powerful model for your children and fosters an atmosphere of psychological safety.
The Importance of Rules
Children actually crave clearly defined boundaries. Establishing a few explicit family rules can provide a sense of structure and security. Frame these as "Our family has a rule for XYZ" to make them clear and consistent.
Building Family Rituals
Incorporate regular family rituals into your daily and weekly routines. These don't need to be grand gestures – consistency and meaning are what matter. For example, having regular family dinners (device-free!) can provide both physical and emotional nourishment.
Quality Time Over Material Gifts
Strive to spend more time with your children than you think you should, while spending less money on them than you might be inclined to. Your presence and attention are far more valuable than material gifts. Reading to or with your children is an excellent low-cost, high-return activity.
Encouraging Independence
When your child comes to you for advice, resist the urge to immediately offer your own preferences. Instead, ask them what they want to do. Often, the best advice is to encourage them to follow their own instincts.
Excellent Advice for Traveling
Travel can be one of life's greatest joys, offering new perspectives and reconnecting us with the world. Kelly provides several tips to enhance our travel experiences:
Follow Your Interests
When choosing a destination, let your personal interests guide you rather than popular opinion. If you're passionate about a particular subject or hobby, consider visiting places that align with those interests.
Embrace the Unknown
Alternatively, choose a destination you know nothing about. This approach can lead to unexpected discoveries and profound experiences. Just be sure to heed any relevant safety advisories.
Strategic Itinerary Planning
If possible, start your journey with a remote location and end in a larger city or town. This approach can make your initial exposure more impactful and ease your transition back home.
Packing Smart
Always pack a few warmer items, even when traveling to tropical destinations. Nights can be cooler than expected, and you'll never regret having an extra layer.
Keeping Track of Belongings
To avoid leaving things behind, keep your possessions visible and grouped together where possible. If you need to place an item separately (e.g., to charge a device), put a few larger items next to it as a visual reminder.
Exploring Your Own Backyard
Remember that travel doesn't have to be expensive or far-flung. Consider exploring your own city or town with fresh eyes, using a guidebook as if you were a tourist. This can foster a new appreciation for your local area.
Excellent Advice for Surviving
While our modern lives may not involve outrunning predators, survival skills are still relevant. Kelly offers advice for both everyday situations and emergencies:
The Importance of Sleep
Recognize the critical role of sleep in your overall well-being. Invest in a good quality bed, as you'll spend about a third of your life there. Don't hesitate to take a short nap during the day if you need one – the benefits far outweigh any potential social awkwardness.
Emergency Preparedness
When entering a new building or vehicle, take a moment to identify the emergency exits. This small habit could save your life in a disaster situation.
The Rule of Three
In emergency situations, remember the rule of three for attracting attention: use three shouts, whistles, or horn blasts. If involved in a vehicle collision, it's generally safer for people to remain in their vehicles than to stand by the roadside.
Prioritizing in Survival Scenarios
In extreme survival situations, remember that temperature regulation is more urgent than food or water. You can survive three weeks without food, three days without water, but only three hours without proper shelter from extreme temperatures.
Excellent Advice for Succeeding
While survival is our instinct, the pursuit of success is our learned behavior. Kelly offers unique perspectives on achieving success:
Be the Only, Not the Best
Rather than striving to be the best at something, aim to be the only one doing something unique. The most abundant opportunities often lie in uncharted territories.
Embracing Your Uniqueness
Reflect on what made you unusual as a child. These early interests or quirks can often point towards your unique strengths and potential niche.
Exploring the Unconventional
Don't be afraid to dig deeper into overlooked areas or unexpected intersections of interests. Sometimes, it's the "strange" that leads to popularity and success.
Prototyping and Iteration
Be open to trying different approaches and don't feel pressured to stick to a single definition of success. Great ideas often emerge only after working through many mediocre ones.
Consistency Over Perfection
Commit to showing up and doing the work consistently, even on bad days. Regular effort is more valuable than occasional bursts of superhuman productivity.
Measuring Progress
Focus on how far you've come rather than how far you still have to go. Regularly acknowledge your progress to maintain motivation and perspective.
Final Thoughts
"Excellent Advice for Living" offers a wealth of wisdom distilled into bite-sized pieces. Kevin Kelly's collection of advice spans various aspects of life, from personal relationships to professional success, from everyday situations to survival scenarios.
The beauty of this book lies in its flexibility. Readers are encouraged to take what resonates with them and leave the rest. It's not about following every piece of advice to the letter, but about finding those nuggets of wisdom that can make a meaningful difference in your own life.
Kelly reminds us that life is a journey, not a destination. The path to an excellent life isn't always easy, but by absorbing and applying these bits of wisdom, we can navigate the complexities of modern life with greater ease and purpose.
Whether you're facing a specific challenge or simply seeking general life guidance, "Excellent Advice for Living" serves as a valuable companion. It's a book you can return to time and again, finding new insights with each reading as you progress through different stages of life.
In a world that often feels chaotic and confusing, Kelly's collection of simple truths helps cut through the noise. It reminds us that while life's challenges may be complex, the principles for living well can be surprisingly straightforward.
As you embark on your journey towards an excellent life, let these bits of wisdom be your guide. Remember, it's not about perfection, but about continuous growth and improvement. Embrace the advice that speaks to you, apply it to your unique circumstances, and don't be afraid to revisit this wellspring of wisdom whenever you need a dose of excellent advice for living.