Marriage, a History Summary

How has marriage transformed from a tool for survival to a partnership based on love and mutual respect? The evolution reveals the story of our collective progress.

1. Marriage Began as a Solution for Survival

Marriage initially served a practical purpose: connecting groups to ensure survival. In prehistoric times, hunter-gatherers formed alliances to avoid conflict and foster cooperation. Marriage was a way to turn strangers or enemies into allies by linking bloodlines.

The Anglo-Saxon word for "wife" translates to "peace weaver," reflecting this role. These bonds were a strategy to create networks and ensure peace, particularly during territorial disputes. Forming kinship ties was a vital part of group survival, as individuals could rely on larger familial alliances to share resources and address threats.

In some ancient societies, marriage went beyond creating peace and aided economic stability. For example, groups in the Pacific Northwest even formalized trade through symbolic marriages involving people and objects. Marriage, therefore, became about family success rather than personal partnerships or affection.

Examples

• Hunter-gatherer bands intermarried to avoid violent confrontations.
• The Bella Coola and Kwakiutl tribes married relatives to dogs or objects to create trade alliances.
• The term "peace weaver" in Anglo-Saxon culture underscores marriage’s role in fostering peaceful coexistence.

2. It Became a Tool to Expand Power and Influence

In ancient and medieval contexts, marriages were rarely personal; they were political and economic contracts. Families used marriage to extend their power, increase their wealth, and solidify alliances with other groups or kingdoms.

This period saw marriages used for strategic advantages. For instance, rulers like Cleopatra and Mark Antony formed unions not based purely on romance but as strategic moves to bolster political agendas. Cleopatra sought Roman support to strengthen her rule in Egypt, while Mark Antony needed resources for his campaigns.

Marriage also served as a diplomatic tactic. Kings and nobles often arranged unions to confirm truces or consolidate territories. Having more in-laws meant capturing broader social and economic networks, vital for resource sharing and influence-building in hierarchical societies.

Examples

• Mark Antony’s marriage to Cleopatra symbolized a partnership for power rather than romance.
• Marriages in feudal Europe often sealed treaties and military alliances between neighboring kingdoms.
• The Bella Coola people used symbolic marriage contracts to trade and expand social networks.

3. Romantic Love Was Once Feared and Dismissed

For ages, love was not seen as the foundation for marriage. Many historical societies treated romantic attachment as dangerous, irrational, and even antisocial. It conflicted with the need to prioritize family interests and alliances.

In India, love was considered disruptive, threatening the authority of parents who made strategic decisions for the family. Similarly, in medieval Europe, love was tied to spirituality or one’s community rather than marital relationships. Love was a side effect rather than a legitimate reason for binding couples together legally.

Arranged marriages across cultures ensured that families maintained tradition, social status, and well-being. Letting individuals decide based on love was unthinkable, as emotions were seen as less enduring compared to familial commitments.

Examples

• In medieval Europe, "love" often described relationships with God or neighbors rather than spouses.
• In ancient India, falling in love was socially discouraged for threatening familial authority.
• Romantic love wasn’t prioritized in marriage until widespread Enlightenment ideals emerged.

4. Enlightenment Ideals Redefined Marriage

The Enlightenment revolutionized marriage during the eighteenth century, when greater emphasis was placed on individual rights and personal freedom. For the first time, marrying for love began to gain acceptance.

During this time, thinkers like John Locke encouraged self-determination, framing marriage as a personal journey rather than a family obligation. Political changes, such as the U.S. Declaration of Independence and the French Revolution, supported this ideology. Economic independence, particularly with the rise of wage labor, also allowed people to choose their own partners based on personal affection, circumventing family-imposed constraints.

This era marked a turning point where love emerged as a central factor in marriage decisions across many Western societies. For young people, the change allowed greater freedom in their choice of life partners, creating a cultural shift toward emotional compatibility over duty or obligation.

Examples

• Enlightenment ideals propagated ideas about individual liberty and human rights.
• Wage labor allowed young couples to financially support households independent of their parents.
• The French Revolution validated individualism, extending those values into marital choices.

5. The Victorian Shift: Emotional Fulfillment with Restrictions

The Victorian era (1837-1901) introduced the idea of expecting emotional fulfillment through marriage. Spouses became primary sources of comfort, intimacy, and joy. For the first time, deep companionship was seen as an achievable marital goal.

However, sexual fulfillment lagged behind emotional progress. Women were viewed as pure, and any display of sexual desire was stifled by cultural norms. Men, while encouraged to control their sexual urges, often sought outlets outside of marriage, prompting a rise in prostitution. This imbalance between emotional aspirations and reality led to frustrations, especially among women.

The concept of "hysteria" emerged during this period—a diagnosis often given to women experiencing sexual repression. Physicians treated women through mechanical vibrators, which ironically became one of the first personal technologies popularized in households.

Examples

• Victorian love letters show couples expressing unmatched emotional closeness.
• The expectation for women to be desexualized led to sexual frustration across classes.
• The invention of vibrators to "medically" treat women points to the era’s repression.

6. Post-War Marriage and Breadwinner Ideals

The mid-twentieth century marked the rise of the breadwinning husband and homemaking wife as the quintessential marriage dynamic. Economic booms after World War II allowed families to survive on one income, creating the idealized nuclear family.

Marriage rates soared, and societal pressure to marry young reached peak intensity. By the 1950s, being single beyond age 25 was stigmatized, particularly for women. However, this model didn’t represent long-standing tradition but was rather a product of economic growth, making the arrangement briefly viable.

The male-as-breadwinner framework masked the realities of many families, where women also worked part-time or managed the home economy. Nevertheless, the time cemented these roles in public consciousness as what marriage "should" be.

Examples

• Half of 19-year-old American women were married by 1959.
• Surveys from 1957 labeled lifelong bachelors as socially deviant.
• Rapid postwar wage growth enabled more single-income households.

7. The 1970s Marriage Crisis

The rise of freedom during the 1970s brought major changes. Divorce rates surged, and traditional marriage roles started dissolving. Love, once central to marriage post-Enlightenment, became its vulnerability.

With women entering higher education and the workforce, economic dependency on spouses declined. This autonomy allowed women to leave unhappy marriages, adding to the growing divorce rate. Culturally, the 1970s rejected rigid gender roles from previous decades, increasing experimentation with alternative lifestyles.

The idea that love alone could sustain marriage proved volatile during this decade. Some partnerships dissolved when passion faded, weakening the institution’s earlier stability based on shared work or social obligations.

Examples

• Divorce rates in the 1970s surged to nearly one in two marriages.
• Women with financial independence left unsatisfying marriages en masse.
• Changing societal norms encouraged later age marriages and non-traditional arrangements.

8. Modern Relationships and Equal Partnerships

As of today, marriage is more flexible and egalitarian than ever. Most couples now share economic responsibilities, and women’s contributions to family income frequently exceed those of their husbands.

Legal frameworks in countries like Canada or France have redefined partnerships, allowing individuals to pool resources or co-parent without requiring traditional marriage. Flexibility has allowed partnerships to adapt to challenges and goals rather than adhere to rigid templates.

Despite this, the institution remains relevant. Studies suggest that married couples enjoy greater resilience against hardships, from unemployment to mental health struggles, highlighting the continued value of shared connection.

Examples

• In 2001, 30 percent of working wives earned more than their husbands.
• French legal partnerships allow siblings or friends to share resources like marital partners.
• Research shows higher happiness and health levels among married people.

9. Marriage Remains Central, Even Amid Change

Though marriage has transformed radically, it’s far from disappearing. The institution survives because it adapts to the needs of societies over time and balances emotional with practical benefits.

Experts predict most Americans will marry eventually, even if they wait longer than previous generations. While alternatives to traditional unions grow, marriage provides a model for commitment that transcends eras.

At its core, the institution evolves to reflect cultural values, becoming a mirror of human progress rather than a static tradition frozen in time.

Examples

• Demographers predict nine out of ten Americans will still marry.
• Marriage now accommodates both emotional satisfaction and shared responsibility.
• Social resilience persists as one advantage for married couples over their single peers.

Takeaways

1. Build trust and mutual respect with your partner; compromise strengthens bonds, but it’s built on kindness.
2. Allow the foundation of your relationship to grow and evolve, as all sustainable partnerships adapt to change.
3. Avoid overly romanticized expectations; balance passion with practical teamwork in marriage.