Introduction
Stephanie Coontz's "Marriage, a History" takes readers on a fascinating journey through the evolution of one of humanity's oldest institutions. This eye-opening book challenges our preconceptions about what constitutes a "traditional" marriage and reveals how the concept of marriage has transformed dramatically over time. From its origins as a tool for establishing kinship and ensuring survival to its modern incarnation as a bond of love and companionship, Coontz explores the many faces of marriage throughout human history.
The Origins of Marriage: Kinship and Survival
In the earliest days of human civilization, marriage served a very different purpose than it does today. Our ancestors didn't marry for love or personal fulfillment; instead, they used marriage as a means of establishing kinship between different groups.
Peace Through Matrimony
For nomadic hunter-gatherer societies, encounters with unfamiliar groups could often lead to conflict and violence. Marriage provided a solution to this problem by creating familial ties between strangers. By marrying members of different bands together, our ancestors could transform potential enemies into relatives, thereby ensuring peace and cooperation.
This practice was so crucial that the old Anglo-Saxon word for "wife" actually meant "peace weaver." Marriage, in essence, was a diplomatic tool that helped early humans survive and thrive in a challenging world.
Expanding Economic and Political Power
As human societies grew more complex, so did the role of marriage. It became a vital instrument for extending economic and political power. More in-laws meant more trading partners, which increased a group's chances of prosperity and survival.
Some societies took this concept to extremes. The Bella Coola and Kwakiutl peoples of the Pacific Northwest, for example, would sometimes establish marriage contracts between a person from one group and an object (like a dog or even a person's foot) from another group. This allowed them to create beneficial in-law relationships even when suitable marriage partners weren't available.
In medieval times, marriage continued to serve political purposes. It was used to formalize peace treaties, create military alliances, and expand power. The famous union of Mark Antony and Cleopatra, often romanticized in literature and film, was primarily a political arrangement. Antony sought financial support for his military campaigns, while Cleopatra aimed to solidify her power in Egypt through an alliance with Rome.
The Shift Towards Love-Based Marriage
For thousands of years, the idea of marrying for love was considered foolish and even dangerous. Parents arranged marriages based on family interests, and love was seen as a potential threat to social order.
The Enlightenment and Wage Labor: Catalysts for Change
The late 18th century brought significant changes that would forever alter the institution of marriage. Two major factors contributed to this shift:
The Enlightenment: This intellectual movement spread radical ideas about individual rights and self-determination throughout the Western world. The French Revolution and the American Declaration of Independence legitimized the concept that people should be free to shape their own lives and relationships.
The emergence of wage labor: As the market economy developed, young people could earn their own money and set up households independent of their families. This economic independence gave them the freedom to choose their own partners based on personal preferences rather than family dictates.
These changes marked a turning point in the history of marriage. For the first time, love became a legitimate reason for getting married.
The Victorian Era: Emotional Fulfillment and Sexual Repression
The 19th century, particularly the Victorian era (1837-1901), saw further evolution in the concept of marriage. As people began to expect romantic love and personal fulfillment from matrimony, marriage took on an almost religious significance. Spouses would express their devotion in deeply emotional terms, comparing their partners to sacred texts or holy places.
However, this new emphasis on emotional fulfillment came with a paradoxical attitude towards sexuality within marriage. Victorian society viewed women as pure, moral beings without sexual desires, while men were seen as lustful creatures who needed to control their impulses. This led to strict regulations on marital sex and widespread sexual repression.
The consequences of this repression were far-reaching. Prostitution flourished as men sought outlets for their desires outside of marriage. Women, denied sexual expression, often suffered from what was then called "hysteria" – a catch-all term for various symptoms of sexual frustration. Doctors would treat these women by manually stimulating them to orgasm, a practice that became so popular it led to the invention of the mechanical vibrator.
The Golden Age of the Male Breadwinner Marriage
The period following World War II, particularly the 1950s and early 1960s, is often idealized as the "golden age" of traditional marriage. This era saw unprecedented rates of young marriages, with almost half of all 19-year-old American women married by 1959.
During this time, the male breadwinner model became the norm. Husbands were expected to work outside the home and provide for the family, while wives managed the household and cared for children. This stark division of labor, often considered "traditional" today, was actually quite rare before this period.
For centuries, families had worked together to earn a living, with both husbands and wives contributing to the household economy. Even after the rise of wage labor, many families couldn't survive on a single income, necessitating wives to work as well. It wasn't until the economic boom of the 1950s that single-earner families became widespread.
This period of relative economic stability and clearly defined gender roles led many to believe that they had discovered the ideal family model. However, this golden age would prove to be short-lived.
The 1970s: Freedom of Choice and the Decline of Marriage
The 1970s marked a turning point in the history of marriage. Marriage rates began to decline, people started marrying later in life, out-of-wedlock births increased, and divorce rates rose dramatically. By the end of the decade, about half of all marriages in the United States ended in divorce.
Several factors contributed to this shift:
The paradox of love-based marriage: When love becomes the foundation of marriage, the relationship becomes more rewarding but also more fragile. If love fades, there's less incentive to stay together.
Economic independence: More women pursued higher education and entered the workforce, gaining financial independence. This allowed them to leave unhappy marriages without facing extreme poverty.
Changing values: New generations questioned traditional gender roles and sought self-expression before settling down.
Increased personal freedom: Cultural and financial constraints that had previously prevented people from divorcing were loosened, giving individuals more choice in their personal lives.
These changes fundamentally altered the landscape of marriage, setting the stage for further evolution in the coming decades.
Modern Marriage: Adapting to New Realities
Today's marriages look very different from those of previous generations. The traditional male breadwinner model has given way to more egalitarian partnerships, with both spouses often pursuing careers and sharing household responsibilities.
Women are increasingly unwilling to sacrifice their professional aspirations for marriage, and many now out-earn their husbands. As of 2001, 30% of working wives brought home more money than their spouses.
Legal recognition of alternative partnership arrangements has also challenged the privileged status of marriage. In countries like France and Canada, individuals can establish legally recognized relationships that offer many of the benefits of marriage, whether with a romantic partner, a sibling, or a close friend.
Despite these changes and challenges, marriage remains a fundamental institution in society. Studies show that married individuals tend to be happier and healthier than their unmarried counterparts. Marriage also provides a buffer against financial and psychological hardships, helping couples better cope with setbacks and depression.
While the institution of marriage has undergone significant transformations throughout history, it continues to adapt and evolve. Demographers predict that nine out of ten Americans will eventually marry, suggesting that marriage, in some form, is here to stay.
Final Thoughts: The Enduring Nature of Marriage
Stephanie Coontz's "Marriage, a History" provides a compelling look at how this ancient institution has changed over time. From its origins as a tool for survival and political alliance to its current status as a bond of love and companionship, marriage has proven remarkably adaptable.
The book challenges our notions of "traditional" marriage, revealing that many practices we consider timeless are actually quite recent developments. It also highlights how economic, social, and cultural factors have shaped and reshaped the institution of marriage throughout human history.
As we look to the future, it's clear that marriage will continue to evolve. The key to successful marriages in the modern era seems to lie in mutual respect, friendship, and the ability to accept and celebrate differences. While there may be no perfect formula for marital bliss, understanding the history of this institution can help us appreciate its complexity and importance in human society.
In a world of rapid change and increasing personal freedom, marriage has shown remarkable resilience. It has transformed from a strategic alliance into a deeply personal choice based on love and commitment. As we move forward, marriage will likely continue to adapt to new social realities while maintaining its core function as a foundation for human relationships and family life.
Coontz's work reminds us that marriage, far from being a static institution, is a dynamic and evolving aspect of human culture. By understanding its past, we can better navigate its present and shape its future. Whether married, single, or somewhere in between, this book offers valuable insights into one of humanity's most enduring and important social institutions.