Sexploitation

By talking openly about sex, you create a foundation for your child to make healthier and more informed choices about their own sexuality.

1. Start Early and Keep It Ongoing

It’s a misstep to think of “the talk” as a one-time event. Instead, children benefit from ongoing, age-appropriate conversations about sex that evolve with their understanding. This dialogue begins in toddlerhood with simple, shame-free descriptions of body parts. By doing this, parents take the pressure off themselves and their kids, making discussions about sex natural and approachable.

Talking about sex early not only provides useful knowledge but also lets kids know their parents are a safe source of information. Beginning with labeling body parts helps children establish comfort with their bodies. As they grow, layering more detail onto these conversations creates an environment in which kids are comfortable asking questions and seeking guidance when more complex issues arise.

Modeling behavior is equally important. For example, teaching consent during bath time or staying calm when a child walks in on a parent undressed shows confidence and comfort in addressing sexual matters. This normalizes the topic, setting a healthy tone that will carry into more mature discussions in the future.

Examples

• Labeling body parts as "penis" or "vagina" instead of euphemisms like "down there."
• Explaining personal boundaries during interactions among siblings.
• Staying calm when a child accidentally sees a parent naked.

2. Teens Are Ready For Real Conversations

Even if you've waited until the tween or teen years to start talking about sex, it’s not too late. Honesty with your kids about why you’re starting these conversations now can break the ice. Plus, using prompts from media or shared experiences creates pathways for open discussions that feel natural instead of forced.

With adolescents, the scope of topics should broaden to include relationships, masturbation, sexual orientation, and protection against STIs and pregnancy. Such conversations should focus on not only the mechanics but also the emotional and relational aspects of sex. It’s also helpful to explicitly communicate that these discussions aim to help teens have a healthy and pleasurable perspective on sexuality.

The driving metaphor is particularly useful for awkward moments. Talking while both participants face forward avoids the intensity of eye contact, making challenging runs of conversation easier for both parents and teenagers.

Examples

• Mentioning sexually suggestive song lyrics to open a conversation about consent or intimacy.
• Sharing resources like books or articles on sexual health for teens.
• Using car rides as opportunities for more in-depth but less intimidating conversations.

3. Porn Is a Sex Educator – And That’s Problematic

Kids are encountering porn earlier than ever, often by age eleven, and it’s framing their view of sex. Without guidance, they may believe the portrayals of sex in porn are realistic or desirable, despite its frequent focus on aggressive, one-sided acts. Unfortunately, these scenes are teaching boys and girls unrealistic physical expectations and skewed ideas about sexual relationships.

For example, boys who watch porn may associate it directly with their natural habit of masturbating, conflating the two and developing unrealistic expectations for sex. Girls, meanwhile, might feel insecure about their bodies because of the way porn stars physically present themselves. These narratives can shape early sexual experiences in ways that are troubling and unfulfilling.

Parents can neutralize porn's influence by fostering open, nonjudgmental conversations. Dispel misinformation, emphasize consent, and encourage teens to explore their sexuality and desires outside the pornographic framework. Porn doesn’t go away, but its power can be counteracted with honest dialogue.

Examples

• Discussing the unrealistic body standards often depicted in porn.
• Explaining how respect and consent often get overlooked in the porn industry.
• Encouraging teens to use imagination and understanding their desires without relying on visual media.

4. Consent Is More Than “No Means No”

Teaching enthusiastic consent is essential, especially as teens and young adults enter the realm of hook-ups and dating. This goes beyond saying “no” and delves into the idea that all participants should feel genuine willingness and excitement to engage in sexual activity.

When people understand enthusiastic consent, they are less likely to engage in regrettable or harmful encounters, especially in environments where alcohol or peer pressure are at play. Young adults should also learn the importance of vocalizing discomfort or hesitation—and respecting the same in their partners. This easy, straightforward concept creates a framework for healthier and safer sexual interactions.

By emphasizing these principles to your kids, you help reduce the risks associated with non-consensual or unhappy sexual encounters. It’s a blueprint for building mutual respect and trust in relationships, both casual and committed.

Examples

• Explaining that silence isn't consent – a clear "yes" is needed.
• Discussing hypothetical scenarios where alcohol might hinder someone's ability to give consent.
• Encouraging kids to only say "yes" to activities they genuinely feel comfortable doing.

5. Hook-Up Culture Can Be Both an Opportunity and a Risk

For many teens and young adults, hook-ups offer their first foray into sexual exploration. These can be positive, low-stakes opportunities for self-discovery. But when mixed with alcohol, drugs, or an emphasis on physical gratification above all else, hook-ups can leave participants feeling disconnected or regretful.

Oddly enough, studies show that even males, who are stereotypically assumed to always enjoy hook-ups, often report feelings of dissatisfaction. Females, meanwhile, frequently experience a lack of orgasm or mutual pleasure. Honest conversations can help kids approach hook-ups with better self-awareness, responsibility, and emotional investment.

Emphasizing the role of intimacy and communication is equally critical. Hook-ups with trust and honest dialogue involved are likely to be more fulfilling and less harmful than superficial encounters with no mutual understanding.

Examples

• Studies showing women rarely reach orgasm in basic hook-ups compared to established relationships.
• Explaining the connection between drinking and impaired judgment in hook-up culture.
• Highlighting how real experimentation works best with understanding and intimacy.

6. Normalize Masturbation as Healthy and Natural

Kids’ curiosity about their bodies, including masturbation, begins early and remains a healthy part of their sexual development. Normalizing this experience helps relieve feelings of shame or embarrassment they might have picked up from broader cultural taboos.

Conversations about masturbation should emphasize its privacy and individuality. It’s helpful to explain that it’s a natural way to explore one’s sexuality without outside influences or external pressures.

Acknowledging masturbation supports kids in building a healthy relationship with their body and desires. When paired with dismantling harmful portrayals of sex in porn, it equips young people for a confident and self-aware approach to their sexual lives.

Examples

• Discussing masturbation with young kids as normal but private.
• Reassuring teens that curiosity about their own bodies is healthy.
• Highlighting the role of imagination versus external visual aids like porn.

7. Female Pleasure Deserves a Spotlight

Girls and young women often miss out on conversations about their pleasure, partly because sex education often ignores topics like orgasm and foreplay. Educating both young men and women about anatomy, including the clitoris and G-spot, ensures informed and considerate decision-making.

By fostering curiosity about female pleasure, parents can help reduce the cultural inequality surrounding sexual fulfillment. Knowledge equips teens to advocate for themselves and respect their partners’ needs in equal measure.

Teaching this also emphasizes the distinction between true sexual connection and distant, objectified acts seen in media, allowing for more fulfilling experiences.

Examples

• Statistics showing the gap in orgasm rates between male and female hook-ups.
• Identifying parts of the anatomy that contribute most to female orgasm.
• Sharing how communication creates better sexual satisfaction for all genders.

8. Conversations Build Trust Over Shame

Approaching awkward discussions positively builds a stronger bond between parents and children. When kids feel free to ask questions or express confusion without judgment, parents establish themselves as trusted allies.

Avoid punishing or ridiculing kids for their curiosity. Instead, use questions as a way to teach not just knowledge but also wisdom. This approach keeps the lines of communication open even in adulthood.

By framing sex as a topic that’s safe to explore, parents also teach kids to respect themselves and their choices, all while respecting boundaries around discussing sexuality.

Examples

• Staying calm when kids ask difficult or awkward questions.
• Reassuring kids there’s no "bad" question about sex.
• Using humor or patience when kids hesitate to engage in the conversation.

9. Parents Are Key to Shaping Sexual Literacy

Sex education starts at home, and children trust parental perspectives more than educators or media as long as the parents maintain consistency and openness. Advocating for school-based comprehensive sex education supplements, but never replaces, what parents provide.

By normalizing frank conversations, parents help dismantle harmful myths perpetuated outside the home. They also allow kids to see sexuality as an integrated, accepted part of being human.

Taking this proactive role means children are better equipped to resist poor information and media portrayals that might harm their sexual development or health choices.

Examples

• Raising the importance of consistent, shared family values about sex.
• Highlighting when to supplement knowledge with outside resources.
• Advocating for inclusive, wide-ranging sex education at schools.

Takeaways

1. Start conversations early by labeling body parts accurately and addressing issues like boundaries and consent from toddlerhood.
2. Maintain regular, open discussions about sex through the teen years, addressing topics like porn, relationships, and identity.
3. Teach and model enthusiasm-based consent, healthy exploration, and the importance of emotional intimacy in positive sexual experiences.