The Happiest Baby on the Block Summary

Why do babies cry so much, and how can we help them feel safe in their new world? The answer lies in understanding their natural needs and reflexes.

1. Babies Are Born Before They’re Ready

Human babies are the most helpless creatures at birth. They can’t walk, feed themselves, or even hold up their heads. Compared to animals like horses, who can run shortly after birth, babies are fragile and dependent. This is because human babies are born three months before they’re fully ready to face the world.

The reason for this early arrival stems from the size of their brains and heads. If babies remained in the womb longer, their heads would grow too large to fit through the birth canal safely. This trade-off allows human infants to develop their big brains, even though it means they exit the womb earlier than their physical development might ideally allow.

As a result, babies cry to ensure they receive the continuous care they need to survive. Crying isn’t a random instinct, but a way to signal hunger, discomfort, fear, or other needs. Ignoring a baby’s cries can lead to complications, such as disrupted breastfeeding or worse outcomes like sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Babies require constant nurturing, especially because they miss what is often called a "fourth trimester" in the comfort of the womb.

Examples

• A newborn’s inability to burp without help highlights their dependency.
• Crying peaks at about six weeks, which corresponds to the most vulnerable period outside the womb.
• Studies show that responding to cries fosters emotional security in babies.

2. Babies Have a Built-in Calming Reflex

Every baby has a calming reflex, a natural mechanism designed to soothe them in the womb and beyond. This reflex protects them by reducing movement during the late stages of pregnancy when the womb becomes cramped. Without this reflex, a baby’s movements could complicate its position for a safe birth.

The calming reflex doesn’t disappear once a baby is born. Parents can learn to trigger it effectively. This reflex is like a switch that shifts a baby from crying to quiet mode. However, activating it requires specific actions inspired by the womb's environment.

The five “S”s — simple techniques discussed in the book — can help parents use this reflex. These techniques work by replicating the sensations and experiences a baby was accustomed to in the womb. Though it takes a little practice, parents can learn to activate this response to calm even the fussiest baby.

Examples

• In the third trimester, the calming reflex prevents excessive twisting in the womb.
• Babies often calm down instinctively when placed in soothing, womb-like environments.
• Parents report different reactions to the calming techniques based on their baby’s personality.

3. Swaddling Recreates the Womb’s Comfort

Swaddling is one of the most effective ways to calm a crying baby. Wrapping a baby snugly in a soft blanket mimics the constant pressure of the womb, making them feel secure and soothed. This approach helps calm their nervous system, which often feels under threat in the open world.

Parents sometimes fear that swaddling is too restrictive, especially because their baby may kick and flail. However, research shows swaddling, when done correctly, reduces risks such as SIDS while calming an upset infant. Babies flail because their immature motor system makes them startle frequently, which swaddling can prevent.

While swaddling is great for soothing, it should only be used during sleep or crying episodes. Babies need moments of free movement as well. Over time, parents can wean their babies off swaddling as they grow more accustomed to their new environment.

Examples

• Wrapping preemies in a swaddle often stabilizes their heart rate and breathing.
• Swaddling reduces sudden reflexive movements that can wake a baby.
• Historically, many cultures have used variations of swaddling for centuries.

4. Positioning Matters: Lay Your Baby on Its Side

The position you place your baby in can either calm or alarm it. Placing babies on their backs during awake times can trigger a falling sensation, leading them to startle and cry. Rolling them onto their side or stomach momentarily positions them for comfort.

Side-positioning is closely tied to the calming reflex. Babies laid on their sides feel more supported and secure. However, this position should never be used for sleep to minimize risks of SIDS. It’s essential to return the baby to its back once they’re calm or asleep.

Using side-positioning alongside swaddling can calm even the loudest cries quickly. You’re providing both the physical sensation of support and reducing the falling reflex that might prolong your baby’s distress.

Examples

• The Moro, or startle, reflex can be minimized by placing a baby on its side.
• Nurses in maternity wards often lay babies on their side to soothe them.
• A parent rocking a baby on its side often sees faster results than when laying it flat.

5. Shushing Mimics Womb Sounds

The womb is not a quiet place. In fact, the sounds of blood rushing through the mother’s veins are as loud as a vacuum cleaner. Babies are used to persistent background noise, which is why silence in the outside world can be unsettling.

Shushing is a way to recreate the soothing whooshing noise of the womb. Parents can gently mimic this sound by saying “shhh” near a baby’s ear, gradually reducing the volume as the crying diminishes. Matching the initial volume of the baby’s cries before tapering off makes this technique effective.

Using shushing consistently comforts babies, especially as they grow familiar with the sound. Tools like white noise machines or apps can also be a helpful supplement to this technique.

Examples

• White noise significantly reduces crying for premature infants in NICUs.
• Pediatricians recommend shushing to parents of colicky infants.
• Combining shushing with rocking multiplies its calming effect.

6. Swinging Quietly Comforts a Crying Baby

Motion is another trick to calm babies. In the womb, babies experience constant movement as their mother moves throughout the day. That’s why stillness is unsettling for them.

Swinging, or gentle rocking, appeals to a baby’s natural preference for motion. Holding your baby securely and using small, rapid movements calms them quickly. Over time, these movements can be slowed into more rhythmic rocking to sustain calmness.

Parents must, however, avoid aggressive shaking. Only gentle, controlled movements should be used to protect the baby’s safety.

Examples

• Swinging is often combined with singing to create a complete calming environment.
• Parents find rocking chairs or baby swings helpful for colicky infants.
• Motion sickness rarely occurs because baby brains are wired to expect movement.

7. Sucking Provides Comfort and Self-Soothing

Babies have a natural urge to suck as a survival mechanism. Beyond feeding, non-nutritive sucking serves as a powerful way to calm and focus them.

Pacifiers are a useful tool to activate this sucking reflex without the need for feeding. However, parents should ensure that pacifiers are chemical-free and not given after six months to avoid attachment issues. Early pacifier use after establishing breastfeeding won’t interfere with nursing habits and can provide excellent in-between-meal relief.

Sucking is effective whether it’s from breastfeeding, a bottle, or a pacifier. It taps into a baby’s natural instincts to self-soothe.

Examples

• Babies sucking their thumbs instinctively show this natural need.
• Hospitals often use pacifiers to soothe babies during vaccinations.
• Some parents use clean fingers as temporary pacifiers during emergencies.

8. Sleep Challenges Require Creative Solutions

Getting a baby to sleep is one of the hardest parts of parenting. Even with the calming reflex triggered, transitioning from motion to stillness can jolt a baby awake. Babies are sensitive to changes in environment and may start crying again even after being soothed.

Swaddling combined with white noise or soft music can help babies stay asleep longer. Keeping them in the parent’s room also minimizes nighttime disruptions and ensures safer care practices.

However, parents should avoid bedsharing as it increases certain risks. A separate crib in the same room provides proximity and safety.

Examples

• Bedsharing raises SIDS risks compared to room-sharing with separate cribs.
• Exhausted parents can rely on smart-enabled noise machines for uninterrupted nights.
• Nursing mothers report quicker nighttime care when babies sleep nearby.

9. The Fourth Trimester Is the Key Perspective Shift

Understanding the concept of the "missing trimester" helps parents empathize with and address their babies’ needs. Babies spent nine months in a warm, noisy, and constantly moving environment. Replicating those conditions in their early months eases the transition to life outside the womb.

The five “S”s work because they systematically recreate the womb’s sensations. This perspective shift can reduce frustration for parents by making a baby’s cries feel more understandable. It reminds parents their babies aren’t difficult — just adjusting.

With enough patience and practice, parents often find that these techniques help them feel more confident and capable.

Examples

• Historical parenting methods from Indigenous cultures mirror these principles.
• Neonatal experts teach womb-replicating techniques in prenatal classes.
• Many caregivers see reduced crying within one week of applying these methods consistently.

Takeaways

1. Use the five “S”s to remind your baby of the comforting sensations of the womb.
2. Practice calming techniques daily to build your confidence and your baby’s reflexes.
3. Keep a consistent sleep environment to avoid starting the crying cycle over again.