Introduction
In his book "Them," Ben Sasse explores the growing divide in American society and the increasing hostility between different groups. He argues that the United States is facing a crisis of loneliness, community breakdown, and tribal thinking that's tearing the nation apart. Sasse examines how modern technology, changing work patterns, and polarized media are contributing to this problem, while offering ideas on how Americans can bridge these divides and rebuild a sense of shared community and purpose.
The Loneliness Epidemic
Loneliness is Deadly
Sasse begins by highlighting the very real dangers of social isolation and loneliness in modern society. While we may think of loneliness as just an unpleasant emotional state, research shows it can have severe physical and mental health consequences:
Neurological studies have found that social rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain. Our brains process loneliness similarly to actual bodily harm.
Chronic loneliness weakens the immune system, increases stress hormones, and raises the risk of heart disease.
Lonely people get sick more often, take longer to recover, and suffer more heart attacks.
Social isolation speeds up the aging process and increases the risk of dementia.
One study found that unmarried men under 45 had a much higher mortality rate than their married counterparts.
Sasse argues that loneliness is reaching epidemic levels in America, with devastating effects on both individuals and communities. As social bonds fray, people are left without the support networks and sense of belonging that humans need to thrive.
Men at Higher Risk
Interestingly, research suggests that men may be particularly vulnerable to loneliness and its ill effects:
Elderly men have higher rates of loneliness than any other demographic group in the US.
Men are more likely to stop making new friends after getting married or becoming focused on their careers.
For many adult men, their spouse and children become their main social connections. If they lack these family ties, they can quickly become isolated.
Sasse notes that this puts men at higher risk of health problems and early mortality related to loneliness. It also makes them more susceptible to extremist ideologies or angry tribalism as a way to find belonging.
The Breakdown of Work and Community
Changing Nature of Work
Sasse argues that shifts in the American workplace are contributing significantly to social fragmentation and instability:
In the past, people often worked alongside neighbors and had jobs for life, creating strong communal bonds.
Today, the average American changes jobs every 4 years, compared to 25-year tenures in the 1970s.
By 2022, experts predict half the US workforce will be freelancers without stable long-term employment.
Technological changes like self-driving vehicles threaten to eliminate millions of jobs in the near future.
This constant churn and precariousness in employment makes it harder for people to put down roots, form lasting relationships with coworkers, or feel secure in their livelihoods. It erodes the shared identities and stability that work used to provide.
Community Collapse
The author warns that these economic shifts could have catastrophic effects on communities across America:
When major industries collapse, it can devastate entire regions, as seen in former coal mining areas.
The potential loss of millions of driving jobs could trigger widespread unemployment and social breakdown.
Without stable jobs anchoring people to places, communities lose cohesion and shared purpose.
Sasse argues that rebuilding a sense of community and creating new economic opportunities in struggling regions needs to be a top priority to heal America's divisions.
The Problem with Modern Media
Information Overload
Sasse reflects on how the media landscape has changed since his childhood, when staying informed meant reading the newspaper and watching the nightly news. Today's 24/7 news cycle and constant notifications create several problems:
It's hard to distinguish truly important news from trivial updates and clickbait.
We're bombarded with a mix of relevant and irrelevant information at all times.
Short news segments and social media posts can't provide the depth needed to understand complex issues.
Dumbing Down of Discourse
The author argues that modern media, especially television and social media, are poorly suited for communicating nuanced ideas:
TV news repackages complex topics into overly simplistic soundbites for the sake of entertainment.
Twitter's character limit forces people to reduce nuanced arguments to pithy one-liners.
This "polititainment" blurs the line between news and entertainment, prioritizing drama over substance.
As a result, Sasse believes many Americans are becoming less truly informed about important issues, despite having access to more information than ever. This contributes to misunderstanding and polarization.
Rage-Driven News
Sasse singles out certain media figures, like Sean Hannity, for deliberately stoking anger and division:
Hannity openly admits his goal is to make viewers angry, not to advance logical arguments.
He engages in "nutpicking" - finding extreme examples to paint entire groups as ridiculous or evil.
This creates a sense of "us vs. them" and demonizes political opponents.
The author argues that while most people recognize this isn't healthy, many still tune in because having clear "enemies" provides a sense of meaning and coherence. But it comes at the cost of further dividing society.
Intolerance on College Campuses
Suppression of Free Speech
Sasse expresses deep concern about the state of discourse and free speech at American universities:
There's a growing culture of intolerance for differing viewpoints on many campuses.
Students and administrators sometimes try to shut down speakers or ideas they disagree with.
He cites the example of Yale professors forced to resign over a mild email about Halloween costumes.
Self-Segregation and Safe Spaces
The author criticizes trends that he believes shelter students from challenging ideas:
The creation of "safe spaces" where students can avoid hearing opposing views.
Designated areas for students to retreat from ideas they find upsetting.
This encourages self-segregation based on ideology or identity.
Sasse argues this approach is fundamentally un-American and fails to prepare students for life in a diverse society. He believes universities should be places where people engage with different perspectives, not avoid them.
Rebuilding American Unity
Restoring Civility to Debate
To heal divisions, Sasse calls for a return to basic standards of civility in public discourse:
Distinguish between debating ideas and demonizing opponents.
Protect the dignity of those we disagree with.
Set a good example for children in how we engage with different views.
Hold politicians and commentators on "our side" to the same standards we demand of opponents.
Media Literacy and Quality Journalism
The author emphasizes the need to distinguish between factual reporting and opinion:
Be skeptical of simple answers to complex problems.
Separate serious journalism from entertainment masquerading as news.
Support media that asks tough questions of those in power.
Be wary of politicians who attack the press for doing its job.
Embracing Shared Values
Ultimately, Sasse argues Americans need to focus more on what unites them than what divides them:
Remember that political opponents are not evil, just people with different ideas.
Resist the urge to frame every issue as "us vs. them."
Recognize that what Americans have in common is greater than their differences.
Work to rebuild a sense of shared national purpose and identity.
The Dangers of Tribalism
Us vs. Them Mentality
Sasse explores how humans naturally tend to divide the world into in-groups and out-groups:
We're prone to seeing those who disagree with us as "the other."
This tribal mindset can lead us to dehumanize opponents.
Social media and partisan news reinforce these tribal instincts.
Scapegoating
When communities face economic hardship or social changes, there's a tendency to look for someone to blame:
Struggling regions may scapegoat immigrants or elites for their problems.
Politicians exploit this by offering simplistic narratives about who's at fault.
This further divides society and prevents addressing root causes.
Echo Chambers
Modern technology makes it easy to surround ourselves only with like-minded views:
Social media algorithms show us content we already agree with.
We can choose news sources that confirm our existing beliefs.
This leads to a narrowing of perspective and less empathy for other views.
Sasse warns that these tribal instincts, when taken to extremes, threaten the fabric of American democracy and civil society.
The Importance of Local Community
Rebuilding Social Capital
The author emphasizes the vital role of local communities and institutions:
Churches, civic groups, and community organizations create social bonds.
Participating in local life helps people feel connected and purposeful.
Strong communities are more resilient to economic shocks and social changes.
Revitalizing Small Towns
Sasse argues for the importance of creating opportunity in struggling regions:
Invest in infrastructure and education in rural areas and small towns.
Support entrepreneurship and new industries in former manufacturing hubs.
Recognize the value of stable communities for individual and social wellbeing.
Encouraging Civic Engagement
Getting involved locally is key to rebuilding a shared sense of citizenship:
Volunteer for community organizations.
Attend town halls and local government meetings.
Organize community events and projects.
By strengthening local ties, Sasse believes Americans can start to bridge larger divides.
The Role of Family and Religion
Family as Foundation
Sasse sees strong families as crucial to individual and social health:
Stable families provide emotional support and teach crucial life skills.
Family breakdown contributes to loneliness and social fragmentation.
Supporting healthy families should be a bipartisan priority.
Religious Participation
While not advocating any particular faith, Sasse notes the social benefits of religious involvement:
Religious communities often provide strong social networks.
Shared moral frameworks can unite diverse groups.
Decline in religious participation may contribute to loss of social cohesion.
He argues for respecting the role of faith in many people's lives while maintaining separation of church and state.
Technology and Human Connection
Social Media's Double-Edged Sword
Sasse explores how technology impacts our relationships:
Social media can help us stay in touch, but often provides only shallow connection.
Online interactions lack the depth of in-person relationships.
Constant device use can detract from quality time with loved ones.
Digital Detox
The author recommends periodically unplugging to focus on real-world connections:
Set aside phone-free time for family meals and activities.
Engage in face-to-face conversations without distractions.
Spend time in nature and physical activities with others.
Mindful Tech Use
Rather than rejecting technology entirely, Sasse advocates using it more intentionally:
Use social media to facilitate in-person meetups.
Video chat with distant loved ones for deeper connection.
Join online communities focused on shared interests and real-world action.
Education for Citizenship
Teaching Civil Discourse
Sasse emphasizes the need to equip young people with skills for democratic participation:
Teach students how to engage respectfully with different viewpoints.
Encourage critical thinking and media literacy.
Provide opportunities to practice civic debate and compromise.
American History and Civics
The author calls for a renewed focus on shared national identity:
Teach an honest but not overly cynical view of American history.
Help students understand democratic institutions and processes.
Emphasize civic responsibility and the importance of participation.
Diversity of Thought
Exposing students to a range of ideas is crucial:
Ensure campus speakers and reading lists include diverse perspectives.
Encourage students to seek out and understand opposing views.
Teach the value of intellectual humility and changing one's mind.
Economic Policies for Unity
Shared Prosperity
Sasse argues that reducing inequality is key to national cohesion:
Support policies that broaden economic opportunity.
Invest in education and job training for the modern economy.
Address regional economic disparities that fuel resentment.
Dignity of Work
The author emphasizes the importance of meaningful employment:
Recognize the value of all types of work, not just white-collar jobs.
Support entrepreneurship and small businesses.
Explore ideas like portable benefits for the gig economy.
Preparing for the Future
Sasse calls for proactively addressing coming economic shifts:
Invest in research and development of new industries.
Prepare workers for careers less likely to be automated.
Consider policies like universal basic income to address job displacement.
A New American Identity
Shared National Purpose
To unite the country, Sasse believes Americans need a renewed sense of common cause:
Emphasize shared values like liberty, equality, and opportunity.
Rally around ambitious national projects and goals.
Celebrate examples of cross-partisan cooperation and problem-solving.
Balancing Unity and Diversity
The author advocates embracing both national identity and cultural differences:
Recognize the strengths of America's diverse population.
Find ways to unite around core principles while respecting pluralism.
Resist efforts to define American identity in narrow ethnic or religious terms.
Reviving Civic Rituals
Sasse sees value in shared experiences that bring Americans together:
Support national service programs for young people.
Reinvigorate civic holidays and patriotic observances.
Create new traditions that reflect modern American diversity.
Conclusion: Choosing Community Over Division
In closing, Sasse emphasizes that healing America's divisions will require effort from all citizens:
Make conscious choices to engage with those different from us.
Resist the pull of anger and tribalism in media and politics.
Invest time and energy in local communities and relationships.
Remember our shared humanity and common hopes for the future.
While the challenges are significant, the author remains optimistic that Americans can overcome their differences and rebuild a sense of national community. By recommitting to core values of pluralism, civil discourse, and shared citizenship, Sasse believes the United States can emerge stronger and more united.