Them Summary

"Either we heal as a team, or we are going to crumble." This line from a fictional sports movie captures the fragile state of American society today, riddled with hostility and division.

1. Loneliness is a Silent Killer

Loneliness is not just a state of mind; it’s a health risk equivalent to chronic pain. Research has shown that social rejection triggers the same parts of the brain as physical injury. Prolonged loneliness causes harmful physical effects like immune dysfunction, elevated stress hormones, and higher risks of heart disease and dementia.

Men are particularly prone to becoming socially isolated. Studies indicate that unmarried men, especially those under 45, have a significantly higher likelihood of early death compared to their married counterparts. Elderly men, too, are found to have the highest rates of loneliness in the country. Men often neglect to maintain friendships as they focus on family or careers, leaving them vulnerable when personal ties like a spouse or children are absent.

This “loneliness epidemic” doesn’t result in dramatic Shakespearean deaths but wears people down over time. As fMRI scans reveal, the human brain reacts to social disconnection just as it does to physical harm, illustrating how modern lifestyles leave many men disconnected and unhealthy.

Examples

• fMRI scans show that social rejection activates the brain’s pain centers.
• University of Chicago researchers found emotional distress accelerates aging.
• Men without wives or careers often lose their social circles entirely.

2. Changing Work Patterns Weaken Communities

The workplace once served as an anchor for social bonds. In the past, Americans often worked side by side with neighbors or spent their entire careers at the same company, fostering enduring relationships. Today, this stability in work has vanished.

Short job tenures and rising gig work have disrupted these connections. In 1970, workers typically stayed at a single company for 25 years, but now they average only four years. By 2022, about half of all Americans are expected to function as project-based freelancers. Without steady colleagues or a community tied to their work, these workers face growing isolation.

Add to this the looming threat of large-scale automation. As self-driving technology advances, millions of driving-related jobs are at risk of disappearing. States heavily dependent on these jobs, like much of Appalachia, could experience crises similar to the opioid epidemic seen in coal-mining communities after industry collapse.

Examples

• In 1970, the primary breadwinner often stayed in one role for 25 years.
• By 2022, 50% of American workers aim to be freelancers.
• Self-driving cars might eliminate 65% of driving jobs in the next decade.

3. Modern Media Overloads and Simplifies News

The daily news cycle no longer revolves around informing the public but often entertains instead. The rise of breaking news notifications and the 24/7 media cycle floods us with information—much of it irrelevant—making it harder to understand issues deeply. This constant bombardment replaces meaningful debates with sound bites.

Traditional news forms like television have adjusted by simplifying issues for quick consumption. Platforms like Twitter exacerbate this by limiting arguments to 280 characters, reducing conversations about complex topics into superficial exchanges. This oversimplification makes it nearly impossible for the public to make informed decisions based on nuanced realities.

As a society, we risk misunderstanding the world around us, generating deeper divides. Instead of fostering understanding, 24-hour news and social media promote frustration and polarization, pushing people back into their ideological bubbles.

Examples

• The author recalls past civic habits of tuning into detailed news, which no longer exist.
• Television reduces nuanced debates to three-minute segments.
• Twitter’s format prioritizes one-liners over substantive discourse.

4. "Nutpicking" Fuels Division in Public Discourse

Media figures like Sean Hannity amplify division by engaging in "nutpicking," a tactic that spotlights extreme or irrational individuals to represent entire groups. When Hannity chose controversial social media posts after the Las Vegas mass shooting, he framed left-wing Americans as heartless villains.

The appeal of constructing enemies isn’t limited to Hannity; it taps into human psychology. Studies demonstrate that having a defined enemy like ISIS provides a sense of order and reduces feelings of chaos in participants’ minds. However, this strategy also deepens polarization by perpetuating stereotypes and ignoring the spectrum of opinions within any group.

While millions recognize the shallow nature of such tactics, they keep watching. Having an enemy—even an imagined one—helps people simplify dangerous realities, leading to further entrenchment of "us versus them" thinking.

Examples

• Hannity used an obscure teacher’s tweet to disparage left-wing Americans.
• Viewers gain psychological comfort by imagining a uniform "enemy."
• Sociologists found having an enemy reduces perceived chaos for individuals.

5. Universities Foster Intolerance and Ideological Bubbles

Modern universities, once champions of open dialogue, now often suppress contrasting ideas. Students prioritize protection from controversial views over engaging with them. This rejection of opposing opinions leads to intolerance and stifles intellectual growth.

A glaring example occurred at Yale in 2015. A professor suggested students manage cultural sensitivity issues among themselves, instead of the administration setting Halloween costume rules. This mild suggestion led to protests that forced the professor and her husband to resign, demonstrating campuses’ declining tolerance for dissent.

Universities even reinforce self-isolation by creating “safe spaces” where individuals can avoid uncomfortable conversations. Such practices are counterintuitive to the collaborative, diverse society that America aspires to build.

Examples

• Yale students protested over a professor’s views on free speech surrounding costumes.
• Campuses now offer crying rooms and "safe spaces" to avoid dissenting voices.
• The trend reflects broader societal unwillingness to engage opposing views.

6. Civility is Losing to Hostile Ideologies

Political debates in America have shifted dramatically, with opponents demonizing one another rather than addressing policies. Politicians and commentators opt for personal attacks rather than constructive criticism, eroding public discourse and setting a poor example for younger generations.

For the country to improve, individuals must demand higher standards from their political representatives and the media they consume. Candidates who offer easy answers by pitting one group against another must be questioned. Through rejecting us-versus-them rhetoric, citizens can build a more respectful and thoughtful democracy.

Examples

• Politicians often focus on vilifying opponents rather than policies.
• Public acceptance of dishonest behavior perpetuates the issue.
• Combative debate teaches youth hostility rather than dialogue.

7. Journalism Must Serve, Not Entertain

Modern media often prioritizes sensationalism over facts, reducing reporting to an emotional spectacle. True journalism’s mission is to ask hard questions of those in power and relay accurate information to the public, tasks often neglected in the current media environment.

Americans must begin separating fact-based journalism from opinion-driven shows like those of Sean Hannity. Honest critique—rather than enraged narratives—is key to improving how the press operates.

Examples

• Many programs prioritize clicks and views over investigative reporting.
• Politicians attacking journalists harm society’s checks and balances.
• Consumers must scrutinize which media sources actually inform rather than entertain.

8. America’s Future Hinges on Unity, Not Division

The future demands that Americans think of their society like a family football team, where everyone must work together to succeed. Differences in beliefs or affiliations shouldn’t overshadow shared goals of prosperity and justice for all.

To achieve this, Americans must first acknowledge that those with different perspectives are not enemies. Empathy and productive debates, rather than endless arguments, are vital. Only through unity can the nation prosper as a whole.

Examples

• Differences existed throughout America’s history, yet the nation thrived when united.
• Shared projects often bridge gaps between political standpoints.
• Politicians who frame issues as divisive must be held accountable.

9. Social Media Needs Re-Evaluation in Public Life

Social media fosters division with its emphasis on short, argumentative exchanges. Rather than being spaces for civil discussion, platforms like Twitter often amplify hostility and spread misinformation.

Americans must rethink how they engage with these platforms and each other online. A shift toward using social media as a tool for connection—and not combat—could reduce anger and isolation.

Examples

• Twitter debates devolve into personal attacks rather than substantive arguments.
• Algorithms prioritize negativity and division to maintain engagement.
• Thoughtful usage of digital spaces improves online discussions.

Takeaways

1. Rebuild personal relationships to combat loneliness—start by reconnecting with old friends or neighbors.
2. Seek out media that presents nuanced, fact-based reporting, and avoid platforms that thrive on outrage or sound bites.
3. Engage in open and respectful conversations with those who hold differing views to foster mutual understanding and reduce division.