Weird Parenting Wins

“Parenting is weird. It’s hard. It’s magical. And sometimes, it’s wonderfully, hilariously ridiculous.” – Hillary Frank

1. Transform Whining Into Something Fun

Whining is a universal habit among kids, and it can test the patience of any caregiver. Instead of succumbing to the frustration, Hillary Frank suggests using creativity to transform whining into a bonding moment. During one memorable ski trip, Frank battled her daughter's endless complaints by turning it into a game. She encouraged her to sing her grievances like blues lyrics, which soon dissolved into shared laughter rather than frustration. The trick is not to fight the whining but to redirect it with humor and connection.

The magic lies in engaging a child’s imagination. Parents can introduce playful elements that align with the child’s current mood to lighten the atmosphere. This technique lets kids feel heard without it becoming a headache for adults.

Examples

• When stuck in a long line, sing out the complaints together in different musical genres like opera or country.
• Let a child whine in a silly voice or using their favorite word repeatedly until they can't stop giggling.
• Introduce a quirky “whine count” game and reward them with points for being entertaining about their complaints.

2. Reinvent Mealtimes for Picky Eaters

Mealtimes can be a battleground, with parents struggling to convince kids to eat nutritious food. Frank recommends flipping the concept of mealtime to make it more exciting and approachable. Her mom, for instance, created "snack meals," presenting food in a casual, fun way. The author recalls eating chicken on toothpicks at the kitchen counter rather than the formal dining table.

This strategy works because it breaks routine and simplifies a child’s mental barriers. By giving food a playful presentation, it becomes an opportunity for the child to explore eating on their terms rather than enduring a chore-like meal.

Examples

• Serve fruit kabobs or colorful veggies with toothpicks to make them bite-sized “snacks.”
• Turn plain sandwiches into fun shapes using cookie cutters.
• Allow kids to serve themselves build-your-own-style meals, such as taco bars or mini pizzas.

3. Address Big Fears Through Imagination

Children’s fears can feel overwhelming to them but are often rooted in vivid imaginations. Frank shares how her mother banished the “lion under the bed” with a homemade sign declaring her room a no-wild-animal zone. This empowered her as a child, transforming her fear into manageable fiction. This approach channels creativity to reduce anxiety and creates a sense of control for kids.

Parents can also foster bravery in small doses. Set up games or challenges, like exploring dark rooms for a set amount of time, to stretch their comfort levels gently. The key is to make it interactive and lighthearted.

Examples

• Stick up "no monsters or animals" signs in bedrooms to add a layer of fun and security.
• Play “bravery games” like counting to ten in a dark room together and gradually increasing the time.
• Use role-playing to imagine friendly characters protecting them, like a brave knight guarding their room.

4. Decode Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry often comes from underlying emotions, like needing attention or reassurance. Frank recounts mischievously teasing her little brother, from pranking him with fake Tooth Fairy notes to stashing him under the sink “for fun.” These antics often mask a child’s struggle for love or validation.

As Danielle, a mom who wrote to Frank, discovered, meeting a child’s emotional needs can significantly reduce sibling conflicts. She told her older child he was her “favorite,” not to play favorites but to remind him that he was deeply loved. Simple reassurances can make children feel secure and reduce rivalry.

Examples

• Spend one-on-one time with each child to ensure individual attention.
• When dealing with rivalry, verbalize to kids how much they are cherished, fostering trust.
• Redirect competitiveness into teamwork activities, like collaborative games or family chores.

5. Parents Need Outlets for Emotions Too

Parenting can push even the most patient individual to their breaking point. Frank normalizes the occasional meltdown, recounting how she has sobbed over a relatable movie or screamed into a pillow to release pent-up tension. Recognizing stress and finding healthy outlets is an essential balance for caregiving.

Shift your focus when overwhelmed. Like Kristina at a YMCA pool, using creative distractions – in her case, asking a child to mimic a turtle – can ease tensions. Stepping back and laughing at the absurdity of situations can lighten the load.

Examples

• Watch relatable, cathartic films or shows to decompress during rough days.
• Practice distraction techniques, like turning an argument into a spontaneous game or story.
• Carve out self-care periods, even if it means only ten minutes for slow breathing or a cup of tea.

6. Teach Kids the Joy of Solo Play

Caregivers can’t entertain children 24/7—kids need to learn to create their own fun. Frank stumbled onto this solution when she gave Sasha condiment packets to play with. Sasha eagerly sorted them and placed them in a pretend cash register, keeping herself entertained for hours.

With slight nudges, children can develop independence in play. Assign simple "missions" or encourage imaginative setups so they engage in focused activities without constant adult intervention. Teaching them to free-play benefits both them and their caregivers.

Examples

• Hand children unexpected objects like sauce packets or bottle caps to spark creative games.
• Challenge kids to “invent” something out of recyclables or create a story around their toys.
• Introduce them to independent tasks or hobbies, like drawing or building forts.

7. Unlock Emotions Through Role-Playing

Kids don’t always have the words to express complex feelings. By role-playing scenarios, parents can decode what’s going on. Frank shares how her daughter, feeling bullied by a preschool friend, acted it out by switching roles in a make-believe setup. This helped Frank understand her daughter’s emotional world better than conversations could.

Role-playing gives kids a safe way to process experiences and feelings. It works best with younger kids who find action easier than verbalizing their struggles.

Examples

• Use dolls or action figures to recreate scenarios your kid describes to better understand the dynamics.
• Provide props, like fake phones or costumes, to depict feelings or conflicts through play.
• After role-playing, provide simple affirmations or steps to address the highlighted issues.

8. Lay Silent Support for Teenagers

While younger kids need consistent engagement, teenagers often retreat when pressed. Frank notes that sometimes silent companionship can draw them out. A friend shared how her teenage son would eventually open up on quiet walks without feeling interrogated.

This type of "listening without speaking" signals support. Let them lead conversations at their comfort level, and avoid overreacting or solving problems unless invited.

Examples

• Offer occasional quiet activities like driving together or evening strolls.
• Delay input; teens often think out loud and need space to articulate before involving others.
• Respond with nonjudgmental phrases like “I hear you” or “That sounds tough.”

9. Be Patient With Post-Childbirth Changes

After childbirth, physical recovery comes with unexpected challenges, as Frank experienced with long-lasting pain from an episiotomy. Her story serves as a reminder for patience and persistence in seeking solutions.

Health issues like postpartum pain might require multiple medical opinions. Take small steps to advocate for yourself while allowing your body time to adjust.

Examples

• Research and consult multiple specialists if doctors don’t sufficiently address your concerns.
• Use resources like pelvic floor therapy or physical therapists specializing in postnatal care.
• Don’t hesitate to seek emotional support during childbirth-related recoveries.

Takeaways

1. Approach parenting with creativity. Think outside the box to turn challenges into opportunities for connection and laughter.
2. Recognize both your child’s emotions and your own. Allow yourself breaks and strategies to manage stress.
3. Build independence and bravery in children gradually through games, self-play, and imagination-driven methods.