Daring to Trust

Trust is the bridge from being grounded in reality to fulfilling our deepest selves.

1. Childhood Shapes Your Foundation of Trust

The way we experience trust as children lays the groundwork for how we interact with the world as adults. Positive early bonds with caregivers help us feel safe and trusting. A comforting parent teaches a child that the world is not a threatening place, making interactions with new people and experiences feel less daunting.

For example, when a mother reassures her frightened child, the child not only feels safer at that moment but also begins to trust that comfort can always be found in relationships. These experiences stay with us long into adulthood, emerging in times of uncertainty to offer reassurance or, conversely, to remind us of fears.

However, the lack of such bonds during childhood can leave lingering struggles. Some people find it difficult to trust others or allow themselves to be vulnerable, as they fear emotional harm or rejection. Over-possessive parenting can hinder a child's independence. For trust to flourish, parents need to allow children to make safe mistakes and explore the world with the assurance of their support.

Examples

• Children held and comforted during fear grow up trusting others more readily.
• A childhood full of distant caregivers can create emotional barriers in adult relationships.
• Overbearing parenting stifles independence, disrupting a child's ability to trust their own instincts.

2. Trust Forms the Backbone of Healthy Relationships

In relationships, determining if your partner is trustworthy is not just a step in the beginning, but an ongoing process. Trust is what transforms a simple connection into a safe, thriving partnership. It lets us open up and feel truly understood.

Healthy relationships are based on fulfilling core needs—what the book calls the Five A’s: attention, appreciation, acceptance, affection, and the allowance to be oneself. When partners nourish each other with these elements, trust blossoms. On the flip side, when partners manipulate or control each other out of mistrust, relationships falter.

Moreover, trust extends beyond expecting a partner to meet your needs—it includes understanding that life and relationships evolve. Love isn't static, and as people grow, maintaining trust requires flexibility and self-assurance to embrace change.

Examples

• A partner paying close attention to your thoughts fosters trust.
• A controlling partner undermines trust by restricting freedom instead of offering support.
• Accepting that your partner’s interests may shift over time strengthens mutual trust.

3. Past Trauma Can Haunt Present Relationships

Emotional wounds from the past often shape our current relationships more than we realize. Fear and unresolved pain from earlier experiences can manifest as overreactions or misjudgment in seemingly unrelated situations. When trust was breached in the past, it becomes tricky to trust again.

For instance, small instances like a moody partner might trigger insecurity or anger when it links subconsciously to past rejections. These disproportionate responses often stem from unresolved experiences rather than a partner’s current actions.

Besides sabotaging trust, past pain might leave a person prone to staying in harmful situations. Someone raised in an abusive home, for example, might normalize mistreatment in relationships or even feel ill at ease without conflict. To move forward, recognizing these emotional triggers is the first step.

Examples

• A child of emotionally distant parents may struggle with misinterpreting their partner’s behavior.
• Abuse survivors might cling to toxic relationships due to a faulty association between love and pain.
• Self-inflicted thinking like "no one will ever love me" exacerbates trust issues.

4. Self-Acceptance Is the Key to Emotional Security

You cannot trust others fully unless you first trust yourself, and to trust yourself, you need to accept who you are—flaws and all. Denying or suppressing emotions erodes personal trust and creates disconnection within.

Honesty with yourself begins with acknowledging what you feel, even when those feelings are unpleasant. Suppressing them might seem like an easy escape, but it only causes longer-term alienation. Embracing emotions like sadness, anger, or fear provides clarity and strength to steer your life toward what you genuinely desire.

This self-knowledge includes being attuned to your body. Physical sensations often reveal suppressed emotions; for instance, a racing pulse or shallow breath during stress signals unacknowledged anxiety. Grounding yourself in these bodily cues helps maintain composure and calm in tough situations.

Examples

• Suppressing sadness often manifests physically as tension or fatigue.
• Acknowledging frustration lets you address its root cause rather than ignoring it.
• Focusing on steady, deep breathing reduces stress during challenging moments.

5. Developing Core Trust Helps You Cope with Life’s Challenges

Core trust is the inner belief that no matter what happens, you will survive and grow. This isn’t overly optimistic thinking; it’s the acceptance that life comes with hardships, but every experience helps you evolve.

When you embrace this internal trust, emotional pain becomes less paralyzing. Challenges, whether big or small, appear not as threats but as opportunities for growth. This mindset of mindfulness anchors you in the present, encouraging you to work with life rather than resist it.

Many find that moments of despair can foster connection with a higher sense of strength—the “Self,” as Carl Jung defines it. This Self represents a universal power within you that links to a deeper understanding of love and acceptance.

Examples

• Viewing a career setback as a lesson turns a perceived failure into growth.
• Adversities, like losing a loved one, help people find deeper resilience.
• Core trust transforms fear of uncertainty into a sense of adventure.

6. Fear and Love Can Coexist but Shouldn’t Dominate

People often feel torn between their vulnerability to emotional pain and their longing for deep connection. Recognizing that fear and love coexist allows you to navigate relationships without letting fear dictate actions or limit emotional intimacy.

Being honest about your fears with yourself and your partner is essential. Concealing vulnerability only adds distance, creating unnecessary mistrust. Vulnerability—a choice to be honest and open—is a catalyst for building love and trust.

This does not mean eliminating fear. Instead, it’s about managing fear by reaffirming confidence in your coping abilities and focusing on nurturing love over clinging to fears.

Examples

• Sharing fears with a partner fosters connection rather than isolation.
• Choosing to love deeply even while fearing rejection strengthens inner courage.
• Acknowledging fears about change reduces their weight on relationships.

7. Listening to Your Breath Grounds You in Reality

When life feels overwhelming, turning attention inward—specifically to your breath—creates a sense of calm and connectivity. Breathing provides an immediate path to anchor yourself in the moment.

Shallow breathing typically signals heightened stress or disconnection. Focusing on deep, rhythmic breaths balances tension and nurtures mindfulness. This not only regulates physical stress but also clears emotional noise, helping you rebuild trust in your emotional intuition.

In a chaotic world, making a habit of practicing breath awareness connects you to your inner Self, supplying clarity and power to tackle challenges with confidence.

Examples

• Deep breathing calms a racing heart during panic or anxiety attacks.
• Slow, conscious breaths improve focus during arguments or emotional moments.
• Athletes use breathwork to keep calm and enhance performance under pressure.

8. Positivity Strengthens Your Emotional Resilience

Positive thinking goes beyond optimism—it’s about turning hard experiences into affirmations of your strength. By choosing empowering perspectives, you reduce the emotional grip of negative events.

During setbacks, it’s helpful to rewrite the narrative you tell yourself. Instead of dwelling on difficulties, remind yourself of prior successes and your ability to manage tough times. This self-reassurance fosters resilience and inspires trust in your capacity to handle life.

Daily affirmations develop this habit, forming a mental buffer against future hassles. Positive reinforcement is a skill that grows with practice, rewiring your mind to lean toward gratitude and away from self-doubt.

Examples

• Replacing "I can't handle this" with "I’ve handled worse before and survived.”
• Practicing gratitude for small joys rewires the brain for positivity.
• Journaling affirmations regularly builds self-confidence.

9. Trust Evolves By Letting Go of Control

Life is unpredictable. Clinging too tightly to control can lead to frustration and weaken relationships through unnecessary pressure. Trusting reality as it unfolds—and your ability to adapt to it—creates space for peace and growth.

Letting go does not mean apathy or lack of effort. Instead, it’s a shift toward collaboration with life rather than resistance to its natural flow. Choosing your energy wisely—focusing on actions rather than outcomes—fosters contentment and enduring trust within yourself and your relationships.

This also partners with forgiveness. Forgiving yourself or others for past errors clears the way for renewed trust rooted in present intention rather than past mistakes.

Examples

• Releasing grudges in relationships decreases emotional drag and reignites trust.
• Letting go of strict control helps partners maintain individuality while staying connected.
• A teacher trusting students to learn through their unique paths inspires mutual respect.

Takeaways

1. Build self-trust by acknowledging and embracing your emotions rather than suppressing them.
2. Practice mindful breathing to anchor yourself during stress and improve clarity.
3. Adapt positive affirmations in difficult moments to strengthen your emotional resilience.