Single, Dating, Engaged, Married Summary

"Love's fire burns brightest when fueled by spiritual truth." What if the key to a fulfilling relationship isn't in finding "the one," but in understanding God's unwavering love and letting it shape your life?

1. God's Love is the Ultimate Source of Fulfillment

Searching for love often begins with a longing for acceptance and validation, but no human relationship can completely satisfy this yearning. This is because we are first and foremost spiritual beings meant to connect with God, who loves us unconditionally. Relationships thrive when approached from this sense of divine abundance.

Ben Stuart recounts the story of the Samaritan woman at the well in the Gospel of John. Jesus offers her "living water," symbolic of the love that fills every void the human heart experiences. Her failed relationships couldn’t quench her thirst, but God’s love could. This illustrates how, without a foundation in God’s endless love, relationships built on human efforts often fall short.

When you understand yourself as a beloved child of God, it reshapes the way you approach love. Instead of seeking someone to "complete" you, you begin to pull from the fullness already provided by divine love. This shift reduces desperation and allows grace and compassion to flourish. God’s unconditional affection equips us to love others selflessly, as it replenishes the love we give.

Examples

• The "living water" moment between Jesus and the Samaritan woman
• Feeling secure in God’s love allows for generosity in relationships
• Approaching love as a reflection of divine abundance, not scarcity

2. Singleness is a Season of Spiritual Growth

Many view singleness as a waiting period before love, but Stuart reframes it as a specific gift from God. This time allows individuals to focus exclusively on deepening their relationship with God and discovering their purpose without external distractions.

The Apostle Paul speaks about singleness as an opportunity for "undistracted devotion to the Lord." This doesn't minimize the joys of relationships but highlights the unique season where your spiritual priorities can take the spotlight. Singleness offers freedom: freedom from relational responsibility and worries about shared decisions. This creates space to volunteer, pursue spiritual growth, or explore personal goals.

Stuart cautions readers not to waste this gift by chasing temporary distractions. For example, people who spend countless hours gaming or binge-watching television are simply passing the time. Instead, this season can be used to strengthen your abilities for future responsibilities, relationships, and service to God's kingdom.

Examples

• Paul's teaching on singleness as "undistracted devotion"
• Helping others by volunteering without the constraints of family obligations
• Practicing daily spiritual disciplines like prayer and Bible study

3. Dating Should Be Intentional and Purposeful

Modern dating can be confusing and frustrating, leaving many people wounded rather than enriched. Stuart encourages a purposeful approach to dating, one that honors both individuals' faith journeys while discerning compatibility for marriage.

Dating involves evaluating two aspects: character and chemistry. Good character reflects shared values and faith, while chemistry captures aspects like attraction, communication, and shared goals. Relationships based only on chemistry often fail to last, while relationships grounded in shared character build a stronger foundation. Picture dating as two runners chasing God; if your life directions align, you’re more likely to march forward in harmony.

To avoid a consumer approach to dating, Stuart challenges people to treat potential partners as companions rather than checklists. This allows dating to become a process of mutual encouragement rather than self-serving satisfaction. The key is to focus on long-term compatibility over superficial traits.

Examples

• Watching for shared life direction and values while dating
• The interplay of character (faith, integrity) and chemistry (connection, attraction)
• Reframing dating as companionship rather than consumption

4. Engagement Prepares You for Marriage, Not Just a Wedding

Engagement isn’t just about florists and seating charts. It’s the time to evaluate whether you and your partner are truly prepared for life’s shared journey. Stuart outlines four areas of focus to ensure a strong marriage foundation: commitment, communication, vulnerability, and alignment.

Commitment involves working through challenges together instead of backing off when difficulties arise. Communication requires effective conflict resolution, especially during moments of anger or disappointment. Vulnerability entails sharing your scars, struggles, and past pains, which builds trust and intimacy. Lastly, alignment refers to agreeing on major life goals, parenting philosophies, and financial responsibilities.

By focusing on these four areas during engagement, couples set the groundwork for a meaningful partnership beyond the wedding day. Without intentional preparation, even the most beautiful weddings can lead to disappointing marriages.

Examples

• Navigating conflict with kindness and humility
• Opening up about personal struggles and past experiences honestly
• Aligning on financial goals and shared dreams

5. Marriage is a Mission, Not Just a Relationship

Marriage is about more than companionship; it’s about reflecting God’s glory. Stuart stresses that marriage paints a picture of Christ’s relationship with the Church. Learning to work together with mutual respect and shared purpose transforms marriage into a powerful spiritual partnership.

The Biblical principle of wives submitting to husbands and husbands sacrificially leading often gets misunderstood in modern times. Stuart clarifies that submission isn't about inferiority but willingly supporting a husband’s godly leadership. At the same time, husbands are called to love unconditionally, putting their wife's needs above their own.

This mutual design ensures a balance of humility, care, and leadership in the relationship. Stuart describes it as a "dance," where husband and wife play distinct but complementary roles. When couples embrace these roles, the marriage becomes an act of worship and a mission to glorify God in their shared lives.

Examples

• Christ's sacrificial love as a model for husbands
• Wives trusting their partners’ leadership in alignment with faith
• Building a marriage around shared spiritual goals like serving their community

6. Scarcity vs. Abundance Mindset in Relationships

A scarcity mindset, where love and resources feel limited, leads to fear and conflict in relationships. Stuart explains how the limitless love of God heals this mindset, allowing us to act generously with our partners.

This shift is like the principle of scuba diving: during emergencies, calm divers share oxygen and ascend together. Plenty makes sharing easier, while fear of scarcity breeds struggle. Access to God’s love fills our spiritual "oxygen tank," restoring confidence and enhancing how we treat one another.

Understanding abundance also minimizes jealousy, selfishness, or bitterness in relationships. Recognizing God’s provision ensures couples approach life together as generous teammates.

Examples

• Comparing relationship challenges to divers sharing oxygen during emergencies
• Replacing desperation with God-given security
• Tackling relational stress with reassurance in God’s endless supply

7. Communication is the Glue in Relationships

Healthy relationships are built on intentional communication, especially in conflict. Stuart emphasizes the importance of fighting fair and treating disagreements as opportunities for growth rather than division.

Scripture warns against letting harsh words poison relationships. Instead, Stuart urges couples to use gentle, respectful language and persist in reconciliatory efforts. A couple’s ability to "fight fair" often determines the depth of their intimacy and shared understanding.

Communication skills grow through practice. Kind, careful dialogue transforms tense moments into breakthrough connections, helping couples align their goals and tackle misunderstandings.

Examples

• Using "I feel" statements to express emotions without blaming
• Saving difficult conversations for times of emotional calm
• Turning disagreements into mutual learning moments

8. Marriage Thrives on Shared Dreams

God’s plan for marriage includes aligning life purposes and supporting each other's dreams. Couples whose visions align face fewer sources of conflict and enjoy greater unity. Stuart recommends evaluating aspirations during engagement and continuing the conversation regularly in marriage.

It's about harmony, not identical goals. You don’t need to share every interest but should aim for meaningful alignment on life’s bigger picture. Small adjustments can help couples grow closer while honoring their individuality.

Without shared dreams, partners may find themselves pulling in opposite directions, threatening their long-term success. Unity in purpose strengthens both the relationship and faith walks.

Examples

• Regular conversations about family, career, or spiritual aspirations
• Supporting individual dreams within shared frameworks
• Celebrating both personal milestones and collective goals

9. Love Reflects the Gospel

Ultimately, all love points back to God. Our human displays of affection and care mirror God’s greater plan of redemption. When relationships are grounded in divine love, they reflect the Gospel’s hope, healing, and joy.

True love involves sacrifice, patience, and faithfulness, echoing God’s love for humanity. Whether in dating, marriage, or friendships, love serves as a living testimony of His grace. This perspective shifts relationships from self-centered to God-centered.

By honoring God through action, relationships become transformative, teaching lessons about forgiveness, humility, and grace. Stuart encourages readers to view relationships as spiritual tools for growth and ministry.

Examples

• God sending Jesus as the ultimate act of sacrificial love
• Moments of forgiveness within relationships reflecting grace
• Partners encouraging each other in faith as an act of devotion

Takeaways

1. Dedicate daily time to experience and receive God’s love through prayer and scripture.
2. Use seasons of singleness to volunteer, explore passions, and deepen your faith without distraction.
3. Approach dating and marriage with intentionality, focusing on shared spiritual goals and selflessness.