Labor of Love

Introduction

In "Labor of Love," author Moira Weigel takes readers on a fascinating journey through the history of dating, exploring how our romantic rituals have evolved over time. From the Industrial Revolution to the digital age, this book examines the social, economic, and cultural forces that have shaped the way we seek and find love.

For those who've ever wondered how dating has changed from their grandparents' era to today's swipe-right culture, this book offers a wealth of insights. It's a captivating exploration of how our quest for companionship has been influenced by societal shifts, technological advancements, and changing cultural norms.

The Industrial Revolution and the Birth of Modern Dating

Women in the Workforce: A Catalyst for Change

The story of modern dating begins with the Industrial Revolution, a period that dramatically reshaped society and, consequently, courtship rituals. As factories sprung up in cities, young women flocked to urban areas in search of work. This influx of female workers into city life marked a significant turning point in the history of romance.

Before this era, matchmaking was largely controlled by parents and relatives. However, the presence of young, single women in cities created new opportunities for men and women to interact outside the watchful eyes of family members. For the first time, couples could be seen spending time together in public spaces, even engaging in displays of affection that would have been scandalous in previous generations.

Public vs. Private Courtship

The contrast between working-class and middle-class courtship during this period is particularly striking. Working-class couples, living in cramped apartments with little privacy, often resorted to public spaces for their romantic encounters. Parks and secluded alleyways became impromptu venues for stolen kisses and intimate conversations.

On the other hand, the growing middle class, benefiting from the wealth generated by industrialization, engaged in a more formal courtship ritual known as "calling." This practice involved men visiting women in their homes, competing for their attention and favor. The ability to host these private meetings was a sign of wealth and social status, highlighting the economic divide in courtship practices.

The Rise of Consumer Culture and Its Impact on Dating

Shopgirls and the Transformation of Taste

As we move into the early 20th century, another significant shift occurs in the dating landscape, driven by the booming American economy and the rise of consumer culture. At the heart of this transformation were the "shopgirls" – young women who moved to cities to work in department stores.

These shopgirls played a crucial role in shaping dating culture. Working in luxury retail, they observed and mimicked the tastes and mannerisms of their wealthy female customers. This imitation blurred the lines between social classes, as shopgirls became adept at presenting themselves as more affluent than they were.

Dating as Consumption

The influence of consumer culture on dating cannot be overstated. By 1925, consumerism had become the driving force of the American economy and society. This shift had a profound impact on how people approached romantic relationships.

In this new paradigm, potential partners were increasingly judged based on their consumer preferences – what they wore, what they liked, and what they consumed. This focus on external markers of taste and status laid the groundwork for modern dating practices, where personal branding and curated self-presentation play a significant role.

Interestingly, this consumer-oriented approach to dating is still evident in today's digital landscape. Popular dating apps and websites often prompt users to list their favorite bands, books, and foods – echoing the early 20th-century emphasis on consumer preferences as indicators of compatibility.

Overcoming Obstacles: Dating for Marginalized Groups

The Secret Language of Gay Dating

While the early 20th century saw increased freedom in dating for many, certain groups faced significant challenges in their pursuit of romance. For gay individuals, societal hostility and legal sanctions made open dating not just difficult, but dangerous.

In response to this oppressive environment, the gay community developed a secret language to communicate sexual preferences safely. This coded communication took various forms:

1. Subtle body language, such as specific head tilts
2. Strategic use of certain words, like "gay" (which at the time meant "fun" or "bright")
3. Clothing choices, such as wearing white gloves or a red bow tie

These covert signals allowed gay individuals to identify potential partners without risking exposure to a hostile society. The need for such secrecy highlights the significant obstacles faced by LGBTQ+ individuals in a time when their very existence was criminalized.

Black Women and the "Rent Party" Solution

Another group that faced unique challenges in the dating world was black women working as domestic servants in white households. These women often found themselves isolated, with limited opportunities to meet potential partners. Their low wages also made it difficult to afford entertainment at popular venues like Harlem clubs.

To overcome these obstacles, black communities developed creative solutions. One such innovation was the "rent party" – social gatherings held in private homes in Harlem. These parties served multiple purposes:

1. They provided a venue for musicians to perform and earn money
2. They helped hosts raise funds to pay their rent
3. Most importantly for our discussion, they offered a space for black women to meet and socialize with single men

These rent parties demonstrate the resilience and ingenuity of communities in creating opportunities for romance and connection, even in the face of significant social and economic barriers.

The 1950s: "Going Steady" and Generational Conflict

A New Dating Trend Emerges

The 1950s saw the emergence of a new dating phenomenon known as "going steady." This practice marked a significant shift in how young people approached romantic relationships. Unlike previous generations who dated with the explicit goal of finding a spouse, "going steady" was more about the experience of being in a relationship itself.

This trend became so popular that by the mid-1950s, even children as young as 11 were experimenting with "going steady." The practice involved a series of short-term, exclusive relationships, allowing young people to experience different partners before settling down.

Parental Concerns and Changing Norms

The rise of "going steady" caused considerable anxiety among parents who had grown up with more traditional courtship practices. Their concerns centered around several key issues:

1. The seeming lack of commitment in these relationships
2. The fear that their children might engage in premarital sex
3. The worry that young people were not taking the process of finding a life partner seriously enough

Despite parental concerns, studies from the 1950s reveal that young people were indeed becoming more comfortable with physical intimacy before marriage. The Kelly Longitudinal study, for example, found that 90% of participants who married in the 1950s had engaged in some form of sexual activity beyond kissing and hugging before their wedding day.

This generational divide highlights the ongoing tension between established social norms and evolving attitudes towards dating and sexuality – a theme that would become even more pronounced in the following decade.

The Sexual Revolution: A New Era of Freedom

Breaking Down Barriers

The 1960s ushered in a period of dramatic social change, with the sexual revolution at its forefront. This movement challenged long-standing taboos and restrictions surrounding sex and relationships. Young people of this era advocated for:

1. The freedom to have sex with whomever they chose
2. The right to pursue sexual desire as a natural and healthy impulse
3. The repeal of laws condemning premarital sex and homosexuality

This shift in attitudes marked a significant departure from previous generations' more conservative views on sex and relationships. The mantra of "free love" replaced the emphasis on marriage and monogamy, making dating a more casual and exploratory experience for both men and women.

The Rise of Adult Media

The sexual revolution also gave birth to new forms of media that celebrated and commodified sexuality. Two notable examples are:

1. Playboy magazine, launched by Hugh Hefner in 1953
2. The rebranded Cosmopolitan magazine, which took a more sexually liberated stance in 1965

These publications both reflected and shaped the new sexual landscape. Playboy, with its celebration of male sexuality and desire, became immensely popular among young men. By the early 1970s, one in four American male students had a subscription.

Cosmopolitan, on the other hand, targeted women with articles on how to make themselves more desirable to men. While the approach of these magazines differed, both thrived in the new atmosphere of sexual openness and exploration.

The AIDS Crisis: A Turning Point in Dating Culture

The Initial Impact on the Gay Community

The early 1980s saw the emergence of a mysterious and deadly illness that would come to be known as AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome). Initially referred to as GRID (Gay-Related Immuno-Deficiency), the epidemic hit the gay community particularly hard.

The AIDS crisis had a profound impact on dating and sexual practices, especially among gay men. It forced a reevaluation of casual sex and brought discussions about sexual health to the forefront of public discourse.

Safe Sex and Open Communication

As the severity of the AIDS crisis became apparent, the gay community took the lead in developing and promoting safe sex practices. Key developments included:

1. The publication of "How to Have Sex in an Epidemic," a booklet that provided practical advice on safer sex practices
2. The promotion of condom use and alternative forms of sexual expression to reduce the risk of infection
3. An emphasis on open communication about sexual history and health status

These initiatives, born out of necessity within the gay community, eventually influenced broader societal attitudes towards sex and dating.

The Wider Impact on Dating Culture

The AIDS crisis ultimately affected dating practices across all sexual orientations. It prompted a more cautious approach to casual sex and emphasized the importance of honest communication between partners. Key changes included:

1. A greater focus on getting to know potential partners before becoming sexually involved
2. More open discussions about sexual history and health
3. Increased use of protection during sexual encounters

Even conservative figures, such as US Surgeon General C. Everett Koop, recognized the need for frank discussions about sex. Koop's efforts to distribute information about safe sex practices to American households marked a significant shift in how society approached these topics.

The Digital Age: Dating in the 21st Century

The Rise of Online Dating

While "Labor of Love" doesn't extensively cover the most recent developments in dating, it's worth noting how the digital revolution has further transformed the landscape of romance. The rise of online dating platforms and apps has dramatically changed how people meet and interact with potential partners.

These digital tools have, in many ways, amplified the consumer-oriented approach to dating that began in the early 20th century. Modern dating profiles often resemble carefully curated personal advertisements, with users showcasing their interests, tastes, and lifestyle choices to attract potential matches.

The Return of "Shopping" for Partners

Interestingly, the digital age has brought us full circle to a form of "window shopping" for partners that echoes the era of the shopgirls. Just as those young women once observed and emulated the tastes of their wealthy customers, today's daters craft online personas designed to appeal to their desired audience.

Dating apps, with their emphasis on quick judgments based on photos and brief bios, have intensified the focus on external attributes and consumer preferences. The act of swiping left or right on a potential match is not unlike a shopper browsing items in a store, making snap decisions based on appearance and perceived value.

Conclusion: The Ongoing Evolution of Dating

As we reflect on the history of dating presented in "Labor of Love," several key themes emerge:

1. The profound influence of economic and social changes on romantic practices
2. The ongoing tension between traditional values and evolving attitudes towards sex and relationships
3. The resilience and creativity of marginalized groups in creating spaces for romance and connection
4. The cyclical nature of certain dating trends, as evidenced by the return to a "consumer" mindset in the digital age

Weigel's exploration of dating history reminds us that our current practices, however natural they may seem, are the product of complex historical, economic, and cultural forces. As society continues to evolve, so too will our approaches to finding love and companionship.

The book encourages readers to think critically about their own dating experiences and to recognize the broader context in which these personal interactions take place. By understanding the historical trajectory of dating, we can better appreciate the freedoms we now enjoy while also recognizing the challenges that persist in our quest for meaningful connections.

Ultimately, "Labor of Love" paints a picture of dating as a dynamic, ever-changing landscape – one that reflects and shapes the society in which it exists. As we look to the future, we can expect further transformations in how we approach love and relationships, driven by technological innovations, shifting social norms, and the enduring human desire for connection.