Sex at Dawn

Are humans truly built to love just one partner for life, or is this cultural ideal at odds with our biological makeup?

1. Early Human Communities Were Sexually Open

Our earliest ancestors lived in tight-knit hunter-gatherer groups where sharing resources, including sexual favors, was a means of survival. In such societies, collaboration outweighed individual ownership, and sexual relationships were no exception.

Sex acted as a social glue, helping to foster cooperation and mutual trust within these small groups. With no concept of property or exclusivity, sexual encounters were as freely shared as food or shelter, contributing to the well-being of the group as a whole. This system kept everyone more bonded and ensured communal parenting and care for children.

For example:

• Hunter-gatherers didn’t practice monogamy; sexual freedom encouraged solidarity.
• The Warao people in Venezuela still maintain rituals where adults suspend monogamy temporarily for communal intimacy.
• Even the Romans, though agricultural, engaged in pre-marriage orgies that reflected this legacy.

Examples

• The Warao tribe's sexual rituals.
• Nomadic hunter-gatherers sharing resources and relationships.
• Roman wedding ceremonies involving orgies.

2. Shared Paternity Strengthened Tribal Bonds

In some tribal cultures, fatherhood isn't exclusive to one man. Instead, it’s a group effort. Such shared responsibility fostered unity and ensured all children received care and resources. This parenting system also spread survival duties across the group.

Tribes like the Achè in South America believed that multiple fathers contributed to the creation of a child, and so multiple men would assume paternal roles. This eliminated jealous rivalries and created a culture of shared resources and communal care.

Examples

• The Achè traditions of recognizing multiple fathers (“put it in,” “mixed it,” etc.).
• Shared food and resources among tribal groups ensured community survival.
• Oxytocin released during sexual bonds created peace and amiability in the group.

3. Agriculture Changed Everything

The advent of farming wasn’t just an economic shift; it also disrupted our social and sexual norms. Farming introduced property ownership, which extended to controlling women and their sexuality. This led to the first notions of sexual exclusivity to ensure inheritance followed precise bloodlines.

This shift also positioned women as caregivers rather than contributors, de-emphasizing their roles in other areas. Over time, this led to the false belief that women’s libidos were weaker than men’s, despite clear biological evidence to the contrary.

Examples

• Farming tied women to child-rearing, limiting their independence.
• Social structures based on property emerged, promoting monogamy.
• Women were often shamed or punished for promiscuity to ensure fidelity.

4. Female Desire Is as Intense as Male Desire

Cultural conditioning has led many to think that women are less sexually driven than men, but studies show this isn’t true. Women’s libidos are not only as strong as men’s but are often more flexible and varied in what triggers desire.

A study using erotic films revealed women experienced just as much arousal as men, regardless of the gender or scenario on-screen. However, social norms caused many women to downplay their attraction when asked about it, demonstrating the power of societal pressures.

Examples

• Heterosexual women in studies were aroused by diverse sexual imagery, including non-human animals like bonobos.
• Women have the ability to experience multiple orgasms, pointing to sexual endurance.
• Social expectations still encourage women to suppress their desires.

5. Chimps, Bonobos, and Us

Our closest primate relatives—chimps and bonobos—share many behaviors with humans, including open sexuality and complex social structures. Their practice of using sexual interactions to resolve conflicts and build alliances mirrors early human societies.

Female bonobos, for instance, often initiate sexual contact during disputes to defuse tension. Similarly, male bonobos engage in casual sexual encounters to build alliances. These behaviors suggest that the roots of human sexual openness are deeply embedded in our evolutionary past.

Examples

• Bonobos use sex as a means of resolving disputes and building peace.
• Female chimpanzees and bonobos often have multiple partners in a day.
• Humans also use physical intimacy to strengthen bonds, dating back to prehistoric norms.

6. The Human Male Body Reflects Competition

The size and shape of male reproductive organs indicate a history of sexual competition. Human penises are proportionally larger than those of other primates, and men also have external testes designed to preserve optimal sperm production.

These traits suggest that human males evolved to compete within a multi-male mating system, where female mates would copulate with multiple partners in quick succession. Sperm competition, where the best sperm wins, shaped these anatomical traits.

Examples

• The human penis is adapted to “displace” semen from previous partners.
• External testes allow for increased sperm production and temperature regulation.
• Body size dimorphism (men being taller than women) signals a semi-promiscuous mating past.

7. Women’s Sexual Behaviors Signal Shared Mating History

Even today, women exhibit behaviors that likely evolved in a promiscuous setting. For instance, women are capable of multiple orgasms and take significantly longer to climax—both traits suggesting they were evolved to mate with multiple men.

Additionally, loud moaning during sex can act as an invitation for other males, reminiscent of the audible signals used by bonobos to attract additional partners. These behavioral traits serve as links to the free sexual systems of our ancestors.

Examples

• Female copulatory vocalizations in humans and bonobos attract multiple mates.
• Women’s ability to climax repeatedly may reflect evolutionary promiscuity.
• Males’ frequent rest periods post-orgasm align with multi-mate scenarios.

8. Monogamy Creates Unrealistic Expectations

Modern relationships often demand lifelong monogamy, but these expectations conflict with our biological nature. While love and long-term affection are sustainable, continued sexual desire for the same partner is less so.

This mismatch explains high rates of infidelity and the struggles many marriages face. It also leads to confusion about love and lust, with some believing a loss of sexual interest signals a lack of love—misunderstanding the difference between affection and sexual impulse.

Examples

• Many long-term relationships show decreasing sexual satisfaction over time.
• The media’s romanticized ideals often clash with real-life experiences.
• Passionate extra-marital flings are frequently mistaken for true romantic love.

9. Embracing Open Conversations About Sex

Improving relationships may depend on creating open dialogue about our desires, biology, and cultural conditioning. Societies that promote conversation about sexuality see healthier attitudes and fewer taboos.

Education is critical in helping people navigate these cultural and biological divides. Societies like the Muria in India, who celebrate teenage sexual exploration, show us that healthy sexual attitudes can be fostered with the right environment.

Examples

• The Muria tribe educates adolescents on sexuality through open exploration.
• Open discussions reduce shame and stigma regarding sexual fantasies.
• Masturbation, once condemned, is now seen as a healthy outlet.

Takeaways

1. Openly discuss ideas about monogamy and sexual desires with your partner to build mutual understanding.
2. Reframe your views on sexuality; treat it as separate from love and long-term affection.
3. Encourage comprehensive sex education to promote healthier and more open attitudes in younger generations.