Sex for One

"Learning how to stimulate yourself is learning how to love yourself." Betty Dodson explores how embracing masturbation is not only an act of self-discovery but a path to sexual liberation and healing.

1. Society Enforces Shame Around Masturbation

Dodson reveals that cultural norms perpetuate shame around masturbation, especially for women, which stifles individual freedom and sexual exploration. Growing up, Dodson internalized the belief that sexual pleasure should come from a romantic partner and that masturbation was an infantile or embarrassing act. This belief, enforced by 1950s Freudian psychology and marriage manuals, led her to feel guilt and inadequacy.

After her divorce, Dodson began unlearning these societal messages. She realized that masturbation was a legitimate form of self-expression and self-love. It allowed her to shed the dependence on a sexual partner for validation. Over time, Dodson began referring to her first act of masturbation as her true “first time” rather than her first experience with penetrative sex.

By redefining masturbation as a meaningful and empowering practice, Dodson encourages individuals to reject societal narratives that aim to disempower autonomous sexual pleasure.

Examples

• Dodson believed sex had to occur within love and marriage until she realized this framework limited her fulfillment.
• Masturbating alongside her partner Blake strengthened intimacy and broke down her internalized shame.
• She now views masturbation as a profound and personal sexual experience just as significant as intercourse.

2. Sexual Liberation Is a Pathway to Independence

When Dodson started depicting erotic themes in her artwork, she noticed how conversations about sexual freedom sparked new kinds of dialogue. Exhibiting sensual and sexual-themed art opened doors for deeper explorations of repression, taboos, and empowerment. However, she also encountered resistance.

Her 1970 series featuring masturbation sparked controversy, revealing entrenched discomfort with the topic. Some men resented depictions of a woman pleasuring herself, fearing it removed male relevance from female pleasure. Dodson viewed this as evidence that patriarchal norms target female sexuality as a way to maintain control.

Through art and open dialogue, Dodson argued that embracing masturbation and sexual self-awareness equips women to reject roles of dependence, setting them on a course toward independence in both their bodies and broader lives.

Examples

• Her "lovemaking" art initially gained praise but later works about masturbation caused a stir, highlighting societal repression.
• Dodson noted women were more open to discussing sex compared to men, who often avoided vulnerability.
• She connected vibrators to women’s growing freedoms, observing how information-sharing emboldened other women to explore.

3. Sharing Stories Creates Sexual Awareness

Dodson found that communication within women’s groups helped participants challenge shame and reclaim their sexual power. In one impactful moment, Dodson held a “Genital Show and Tell” to debunk myths about women’s bodies. She recounted her own struggles, showing that everyone’s genitals are unique and normal.

Sharing sexual experiences within consciousness-raising circles provided healing for women bound by insecurities or misinformation. Dodson described how openness helped group members foster self-esteem, reshaping their relationships with their bodies and their pleasure.

Dodson also encouraged women to coin new language, adopting positive associations for words like "cunt." This included reclaiming its usage with pride, helping her audience dismantle power structures that weaponized demeaning terms.

Examples

• A photography project of genitals empowered women to see themselves in detail, breaking societal taboos.
• Women in her circles often reported improved confidence after discussions, both in their careers and personal lives.
• Language reclamation helped normalize once-shameful terminology, fostering empowerment.

4. Masturbation as a Meditation Practice

Dodson discovered parallels between masturbation and meditation, viewing both as harmonies of body and mind. When she first explored meditative practices, she realized orgasms, like meditation, removed mental clutter and restored inner peace.

Later, Dodson participated in a neuroscience study measuring brain waves during orgasm. The findings confirmed her intuition: at orgasm, her brain entered an alpha and theta state, akin to deep, restorative meditation.

She realized that the blend of physical and mental wellbeing is what makes masturbation deeply rejuvenating, inspiring others to treat it as a mindful activity, free from stigma and guilt.

Examples

• Dodson reported similar feelings of calmness after practicing both meditation and masturbation.
• Neuroscience researchers validated her experience with findings about her theta brainwave state.
• Workshop participants credited masturbation for stress relief and improved focus, echoing meditative benefits.

5. Empathy Enhances Shared Sexual Dialogue

Dodson’s initial hesitation to host men’s workshops shifted when she saw the potential for meaningful exchanges among diverse male participants. Though men started with traditional hierarchical and performance concerns, they ultimately engaged in cross-dialogue that dismantled stereotypes.

Her workshops highlighted how vulnerability builds not only better sexual expression but also human connection. Gay, bisexual, and straight men found commonality in their struggles, fostering joint empathy.

Dodson showed how honest communication improves relationships, proving that openness bridges gaps between genders, orientations, and expectations.

Examples

• Male attendees, struggling with premature ejaculation or bodily expectations, shared openly in her sessions.
• Straight men gained respect for gay peers in cross-orientation discussions about sex and relationships.
• Group masturbation sessions helped the men embrace vulnerability, improving their relationship to self and others.

6. Playfulness and Exploration Are Fundamental

Dodson’s workshops were playful dives into physical exploration and experimentation. From carving dildos out of vegetables to reenacting male thrusting techniques, she encouraged fun over rigid convention. This playful structure created an environment where women could detach from judgment and rediscover sexuality.

By bringing levity to workshops, Dodson tore down barriers of shame, guiding participants toward curiosity. Laughter and light-hearted participation often displaced feelings of inadequacy with positivity.

By the end of these sessions, participants reported not just sexual breakthroughs but a genuine joy they carried into other aspects of life.

Examples

• Participants crafted personal, whimsical dildos from cucumbers, making light of traditionally serious objects.
• Role-swapping exercises helped women empathize with men’s sexual challenges, such as stamina and control.
• Dodson’s energetic teaching style encouraged boldness, creating breakthroughs where apprehension once lingered.

7. Body Positivity Transforms Self-Image

Dodson advocated for appreciating the body without comparing it to societal standards. She demonstrated this by showing women how to admire their unique beauty through rituals that involved mirrors, light-touch exploration, and complete self-acceptance.

Visual self-admiration helped many overcome years of self-consciousness imposed by beauty norms or insecurities. Instead of seeking validation from outside sources, women began to celebrate their individuality, shifting their perspectives.

Dodson also incorporated dance and sensual play into lessons, enabling participants to see themselves in an erotic yet empowering light.

Examples

• Mirror exercises revealed overlooked beauty, replacing shame with self-recognition and pride.
• Group dancing let women celebrate personal sensuality in an uninhibited, joyous space.
• Vulva exploration normalized bodily variations, leading to acceptance and love.

8. Experimenting with Erotic Rituals Builds Confidence

Dodson encouraged designing personal self-love rituals as fundamental steps toward sexual confidence. From soaking in a warm bath to using a makeup mirror for genital exploration, rituals provided a playful yet intentional self-connection process.

Through these steps, Dodson reframed masturbation as a sensual ritual where people could learn about themselves without judgment. Over time, rituals became tools for boosting mood, confidence, and sexual agency.

These exercises also helped participants approach partnered sex with clearer boundaries and understanding of their desires.

Examples

• Candles and sensual fabrics enriched the environment, making self-love feel celebratory.
• Using mirrors to admire one’s body countered years of societal messaging about shame.
• Participant feedback showed ritualized self-care improved sexual intimacy with partners.

9. Masturbation Knowledge Empowers Both Sexes

Dodson believed masturbation could improve intimacy for everyone, regardless of gender. For women, it meant independence and liberation from patriarchal norms. For men, it sometimes illuminated deeper emotional or performance pressures they hadn’t confronted.

Teaching both groups allowed Dodson to explore masturbation not simply as sexual gratification but as a bond humans share with their bodies.

Her workshops encouraged men and women alike to redefine pleasure collaboratively, growing self-awareness, empathy, and shared trust.

Examples

• Women gained tools to self-pleasure confidently in relationships, improving overall fulfillment.
• Men embraced discussions around struggles like erectile unpredictability or self-esteem issues.
• Mixed workshops before the AIDS epidemic bridged empathy between gay, bisexual, and heterosexual participants.

Takeaways

1. Reframe masturbation as a practice of self-discovery by using elements like rituals and self-affirmations.
2. Embrace open communication about sexual experiences with trusted partners or communities to expand understanding.
3. Develop a consistent pelvic muscle strengthening routine to enhance both mental health and sexual sensation, bringing intentional physical awareness into daily life.