Single On Purpose Summary

“Being single isn’t about finding the one. It’s about becoming the one.”

1. Embracing Your Loneliness

Loneliness is often misunderstood as failure, but it is a natural experience and an opportunity for growth. Reframing loneliness as a signal rather than a stigma can help you reconnect with yourself. It's not a sign of brokenness, but a reminder to focus inward.

Feeling lonely might compel people to seek external solutions like relationships. However, rushing into partnerships often masks deeper self-neglect. Instead, embrace solitude as a chance to check in with your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being while appreciating life as it is now.

Taking joy in your own company is transformative. Whether hiking, painting, or enjoying small pleasures like sipping coffee at a park, these moments help build self-worth and deepen relationships.

Examples

• Reflecting on feelings of loneliness as an opportunity for self-awareness
• Taking up solitary hobbies like painting or hiking to rediscover personal joy
• Practicing mindfulness daily to enjoy present moments without needing external validation

2. The Patterns of Attraction

Attraction often connects to familiar experiences or unmet needs from the past. Recognizing these patterns helps to understand the choices you’ve made in romantic connections and avoid repeating cycles.

Childhood dynamics—whether a need for stability or excitement—can unconsciously influence the people we are drawn to. By reflecting on past relationships, consider whether you sought partners who highlighted your strengths or mirrored past dysfunctions.

Understanding attraction differently allows you to evaluate relationships more deliberately. Appreciating personality traits over temporary infatuations can prevent long-term dissatisfaction.

Examples

• Examining childhood dynamics to see how they shape adult relationships
• Identifying unhealthy patterns, like seeking chaotic relationships for the thrill of familiarity
• Building healthier connections by understanding personal needs and motivations

3. Letting Go for Good

Healing starts with accepting the end of a relationship and actively choosing to move on. This involves creating firm boundaries, cutting contact, and processing emotions without rushing through them.

Dwelling on “what-ifs” prolongs pain. A relationship’s worth isn’t defined by its permanence. Firmly “cutting the cord” by unfollowing an ex on social media or halting communication ensures the needed emotional space to recover.

Confronting and understanding your role in a relationship’s end fosters deeper self-awareness and readiness for healthier future connections.

Examples

• Unfollowing or muting an ex’s social media for mental clarity
• Journaling about personal behavior patterns during past relationships
• Seeking therapy to process feelings of loss in a constructive way

4. Reconnecting with Your Physical and Emotional Self

Your body and mind are connected, and both thrive on self-care. Engaging in physical movement boosts confidence and sensuality while also fostering a positive relationship with yourself.

Activities like dancing or working out aren’t just about fitness; they cultivate a sense of rhythm and control, which translates into your personal life. Similarly, challenging harmful beliefs about appearance or worth strengthens self-esteem.

Nurturing a healthier self-image reshapes your perspective. It’s not about external validation but a personal journey to rediscover confidence and inner kindness.

Examples

• Joining a yoga or dance class to feel in tune with one’s body
• Replacing self-critical thoughts with affirmations like “My worth isn’t defined by others”
• Dressing in clothes that make you feel uniquely yourself, regardless of others’ opinions

5. The Importance of Self-Dating

Dating yourself means carving out intentioned time to nurture your mental, emotional, and spiritual health. It’s a practice of choosing yourself first.

Self-dating builds resilience. Planning regular "self-dates" helps you recognize your value without relying on external relationships. Loving and respecting your time alone develops inner peace.

Whether you indulge yourself with a passionate book or arrange a picnic just for yourself, these acts create rituals of self-love and acceptance.

Examples

• Setting aside Saturday mornings for solo coffee outings and journaling
• Exploring personal interests like cooking classes or photography alone
• Booking a weekend retreat purely for relaxation and restoration

6. Healing Takes Time

Contrary to cultural pressure, there’s no set timeline for moving on from heartbreak. Each person’s experience and healing process varies.

Rushing through pain does more harm than good. Unprocessed emotions can linger and affect future endeavors. Allowing time to grieve and learn from the loss ensures emotional maturity.

Embracing this journey requires patience and compassion. Acknowledging that healing isn’t linear helps you avoid unrealistic expectations.

Examples

• Practicing mindful acceptance when waves of grief resurface unexpectedly
• Comparing notes with supportive friends who remind you healing is personal
• Avoiding rebound relationships to focus on internal growth comfortably

7. Creating Non-Negotiables

Understanding your personal standards in relationships builds healthier connections. These non-negotiables are principles shaped by who you are and what’s important to you.

Moving beyond superficial preferences, these are rooted in values like mutual respect, communication, and shared goals. Setting these rules prevents compromising self-worth in love or any other area of life.

Holding non-negotiables transforms relationships by fostering respect—both toward others and yourself.

Examples

• Making mutual respect and good communication a cornerstone of relationships
• Prioritizing restful weekends to nourish mental health instead of over-commitments
• Declining professional or social connections that violate personal boundaries

8. Tuning Into Your Drive

Your sex drive depends on the harmony of both body and mind. A fulfilling connection to these aspects brings confidence, energy, and intimacy, even when flying solo.

Physical movement aids not only health but also self-expression. Coupled with self-kindness and discarding harmful beliefs around sexuality, this creates a rewarding balance and safe space.

Feeling sexy doesn’t require validation. It starts with appreciating your own body and exploring sensuality authentically.

Examples

• Scattering self-affirming post-it notes around the mirror
• Engaging in art, like dance or painting, that embodies sensuality
• Viewing sensuality as an internal language of self, not just romantic connection

9. Crafting a Life You Love

True happiness isn’t defined by relationships, appearances, or material possessions. It comes from engaging in meaningful, joyful, and fulfilling pursuits.

Finding a sense of purpose in activities you love, whether professional or personal, generates long-lasting fulfillment. Meanwhile, gratitude for day-to-day joys brings peace.

Engagement adds emotional richness. Whether deepening current connections or learning conversational vulnerability, these habits infuse life with contentment.

Examples

• Regularly volunteering time toward a cause that excites you
• Balancing small delights like flavorful breakfasts with larger commitments
• Exploring new hobbies to keep curiosity alive and present

Takeaways

1. Schedule regular dates with yourself to enjoy alone time and nurture self-love.
2. Replace the search for external solutions with meaningful activities and purpose-driven goals.
3. Build a personal life that prioritizes fulfillment, aligning daily actions with your joy and long-term vision.