Introduction
Anne Lamott's "Somehow" is a collection of ten essays that delve into the many facets of love, faith, and human connection. Known for her honest and vulnerable writing style, Lamott shares personal stories and reflections that explore the complexities of life and the wisdom gained through perseverance and faith. This book continues her tradition of offering wit, wisdom, and raw vulnerability to her readers.
In "Somehow," Lamott takes us on a journey through moments of anxiety and doubt, often followed by healing moments of grace. The essays are loosely tied together through the theme of love, showing how it can manifest in various forms, including forgiveness, making peace with the past, and embracing the power of human connection.
Let's dive into each of the ten essays and explore the compelling roadmap Lamott provides for navigating life's trials with courage and compassion.
Love with the Skin On
Lamott begins by exploring the concept of love as more than just a feeling. She describes it as an energy that permeates everything, from the graceful movements of a ballerina to our clumsy stumbling through everyday life. The author suggests that love is a biological imperative, and when we experience a love deficiency, we humans tend to turn on each other.
However, even in our darkest moments, love can be sensed, waiting to carry us safely through. Lamott illustrates this with a story about her friend Caroline, who picked up a wayward frog from a construction site and carried it to safer pastures. This simple act of kindness demonstrates how love can manifest in unexpected ways.
Lamott emphasizes the importance of "love with the skin on" – love in action, rather than just an abstract idea. She shares her experience participating in a community outreach program that provides goods to the unhoused population in her area. The program distributes purple bags filled with useful items like soaps, clothes, lotions, and dental floss.
However, Lamott discovers that offering love doesn't always go smoothly. She recounts encounters with unhoused individuals who react with skepticism or indifference to the gifts. One man chain-smoked cigarettes while initially refusing to look in the bag, eventually taking only a pair of socks. Another man, however, was more receptive and appreciated everything in the bag.
These experiences teach Lamott that you can't control how love will be received. The important thing is to try to be of service – to be a representative of goodness in a society that can often feel devoid of warmth. She emphasizes that love needn't be grand gestures or lofty ideals but can be found in small, everyday moments of connection and care, like a willingness to sit and listen to someone else's story.
The Shelter of Friendship
In this essay, Lamott explores the role of love in sustaining friendships. She describes a good friendship as a shelter, a place where one can be vulnerable and find solace in deep conversation. However, she also acknowledges that friendships can face challenges that test the love they are built upon.
Lamott shares the story of her long-time friend Tim, whom she's known since they both got sober in 1986. As Tim approaches his 55th birthday, he struggles with worries, regrets, and disappointments, including bitterness toward others. Lamott listens patiently as Tim shares his struggles with envy and resentment, particularly towards their mutual friend Emma.
In an attempt to comfort Tim and boost his self-esteem, Lamott suggests that Emma might have her own issues and possibly some jealousy over Tim's long and happy marriage. This well-intentioned advice backfires when Tim later calls Lamott to tell her that he feels he should stop relying on her advice, accusing her of being cruel in talking about Emma behind her back.
This incident sends Lamott into a spiral of shame and self-doubt for several days. She grapples with her own fears of being seen as flawed and unlovable by others. During this time, she focuses on self-acceptance and finding peace in nature.
Lamott reaches out to her own confidant for advice on whether to send Tim a message begging for forgiveness. Her confidant wisely advises her to wait, which proves to be good advice. After a few days, Tim calls and apologizes to Lamott, reaffirming their bond of friendship. He realizes that Lamott's advice came from a place of love and that he had overreacted.
This experience teaches Lamott about the resilience of friendship when built on patience, understanding, and love. She concludes that true shelter lies not in walls or roofs, but in the open hearts of those who love us unconditionally.
Barriers and Passages
In this essay, Lamott explores the metaphors of hinges and tides as they relate to love and life experiences. She reflects on her childhood and troubled past, using doorways and hinges as meaningful imagery for unforgettable moments and important decisions.
Lamott associates the sound of a slamming door with her mother's way of expressing frustration. Her father, on the other hand, is remembered as frequently keeping himself behind the closed door of his study, working on his books. These memories highlight the complexities of love and longing that lie behind closed doors.
The author also recalls the arched doorway that led her to her first support meeting for recovering alcoholics. This memory serves as a reminder that doors aren't just barriers; they can also be gateways to possibility and growth. Lamott learns that behind every door lies the promise of safety and acceptance, a reminder that love is always waiting, ready to welcome her home.
Lamott then shifts to the metaphor of tides, comparing the ebb and flow of joy and sorrow in our relationships to the rhythms of the ocean. She illustrates this with the story of her friend Karen Carlson, who was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Karen's journey from the pinnacle of fitness to struggling with constant pain serves as a poignant example of life's unpredictability.
Despite her illness, Karen remained a source of joy, making the most of each day she had left. Lamott sees this as a testament to the power of love in human resilience and our ability to transcend even the darkest of times. Karen's courage becomes a beacon of light in the face of ultimate adversity.
Openhearted Solidarity
In this essay, Lamott explores the themes of acceptance, forgiveness, and community. She emphasizes that acceptance is a crucial part of love, both in accepting the imperfections of others and in accepting our own mistakes.
Lamott shares a personal story about a mistake she made in 2015 when she tweeted insensitive remarks about a transgender celebrity. As someone who had always spoken out against bigotry, this mistake sent her into a shame spiral. She lost speaking engagements due to accusations of transphobia, and she struggled to come to terms with the situation.
However, Lamott used this experience as an opportunity for growth. She educated herself about transgender issues and used her platform to raise money for a law firm that provided pro bono work for the local LGBTQ community. Through this process, she discovered the transformative potential of vulnerability and self-acceptance.
Lamott then shifts focus to the importance of opening oneself up to others. She tells the story of her neighbor Paul, who opened his home to a family of Ukrainian refugees. Despite initial plans for the refugees to stay in the guesthouse, Paul found himself overwhelmed by their need for companionship and support. He struggled with feelings of irritation and discomfort but ultimately recognized the importance of his act of kindness.
Through this experience, Paul and his family forged a deep bond with their guests, transcending language barriers and cultural differences. This story illustrates how love can grow exponentially when we become part of a community and open ourselves to others.
Lamott extends this idea to broader social issues, discussing how collective action against problems like gun violence and school shootings demonstrates the profound impact that community and solidarity can have in times of adversity. She emphasizes the interconnectedness of all living beings and the importance of empathy and compassion in fostering meaningful relationships.
What Lies Above, Memories and Revelations
In this essay, Lamott explores the themes of change, memory, and self-discovery through three interconnected stories.
The first story revolves around Lamott's decision to move in with her partner, Neal. The prospect of moving forces her to confront the contents of her attic – a space filled with personal belongings and memories. The idea of dealing with the physical and emotional clutter in the attic becomes a metaphor for facing her past and embracing change.
As Lamott goes through the process of moving, she finds that the attic becomes a space of reflection and transformation. She confronts her fears and the ghosts of her childhood, allowing her to let go, embrace change, and move forward. This process brings her solace and clarity in the face of an uncertain future.
The second story takes place during a vacation to Cuba with Neal. While immersed in the vibrant culture of the country, Lamott has a vivid dream about her father's former girlfriend, Bev. This dream forces Lamott to confront unresolved feelings and emotions about Bev's relationship with her father.
As Lamott unpacks the meaning behind her dream, she uncovers hidden truths about herself and the nature of love. She realizes that despite her initial resentment, Bev had always been kind to her, even during Lamott's darkest moments. This revelation opens up unexpected compassion and empathy for Bev, allowing Lamott to recognize their shared humanity and struggles.
The final story in this essay revolves around a question posed by a child in Lamott's Sunday school class: why is Good Friday called "good" when it commemorates the death of Jesus? Lamott explains that Jesus's death gives meaning to earthly suffering and that it's celebrated because it led to the Resurrection, teaching us that there is always hope for renewal and transformation, even in the darkest times.
This explanation reminds Lamott of one of her favorite quotes by the poet William Blake: "And we are put on Earth a little space, that we may learn to bear the beams of love." She reflects on how this encapsulates the human experience – we're given a limited time on Earth, and the best thing we can do is try to give and receive love, even when it doesn't come easily.
Conclusion: The Power of Love and Human Connection
Throughout "Somehow," Anne Lamott weaves together personal anecdotes, profound reflections, and insightful observations to explore the complexities of life, love, and faith. Her stories touch on the various forms that love can take, from acts of service to dealing with friendship, acceptance, and forgiveness.
Lamott's essays remind us of the power of love to transcend adversity and illuminate even the darkest corners of our lives. She shows us that love is not just a feeling, but an energy that permeates everything around us. It's in the small acts of kindness, the resilience of friendships, and the courage to face our past and embrace change.
The author emphasizes the importance of "love with the skin on" – love in action rather than just an abstract concept. She encourages readers to be representatives of goodness in a world that can often feel cold and uncaring. Through her stories, Lamott demonstrates that love can be found in the everyday moments of connection and care, like listening to someone's story or offering help to those in need.
Lamott also explores the challenges that come with love and relationships. She shows us that friendships can be tested, mistakes can be made, and forgiveness can be difficult. However, she also reveals the transformative power of vulnerability, self-acceptance, and the willingness to learn and grow from our experiences.
The book touches on the importance of community and solidarity, showing how our capacity for love can expand when we open ourselves to others and become part of something larger than ourselves. Lamott's stories of helping refugees and participating in collective action against social issues illustrate the profound impact that community-based love can have.
Throughout "Somehow," Lamott grapples with deep existential questions, exploring the nature of suffering, the meaning of faith, and the purpose of our brief time on Earth. She finds solace in the idea that we are here to learn to "bear the beams of love" – to give and receive love in all its forms, even when it's challenging.
Ultimately, "Somehow" is a testament to human resilience and the transformative power of grace and compassion. Lamott's essays serve as a reminder that love, in its many forms, has the power to heal, transform, and illuminate our lives. They encourage us to embrace our imperfections, to be kind to ourselves and others, and to recognize the interconnectedness of all living beings.
In a world that can often feel divided and harsh, Lamott's book offers a beacon of hope. It reminds us that love is always present, waiting to be discovered in the most unexpected places and moments. Through her honest and vulnerable storytelling, Lamott invites readers to open their hearts, embrace the messiness of life, and find the courage to love deeply and authentically.
"Somehow" is more than just a collection of essays; it's a guidebook for navigating the complexities of the human experience with grace, humor, and an open heart. It encourages readers to look for the love that exists in every moment, to extend compassion to themselves and others, and to find meaning and purpose in the connections we forge with one another.
As we close the pages of "Somehow," we are left with a profound sense of the power of love to transform our lives and the world around us. Lamott's words serve as a gentle reminder that in the face of life's challenges and uncertainties, love remains our greatest source of strength, healing, and hope.