Dating has been an integral part of human society for centuries, evolving alongside cultural norms, technological advancements, and changing attitudes towards love, sex, and relationships. In "The Curious History of Dating," Nichi Hodgson takes readers on a fascinating journey through the history of British dating, spanning from the 1700s to the present day. This book provides a comprehensive look at how courtship and romance have transformed over time, reflecting broader societal shifts and the ever-changing dynamics between men and women.
From the formal, status-driven marriages of the 18th century to the swipe-right culture of modern dating apps, Hodgson explores the myriad ways in which people have sought out companionship, love, and sexual fulfillment. Along the way, she examines the impact of major historical events, cultural movements, and technological innovations on dating practices and attitudes.
This summary will delve into the key ideas and insights presented in Hodgson's book, offering a chronological overview of the evolution of dating in British society. We'll explore how factors such as class, gender roles, sexuality, and social norms have shaped romantic interactions throughout the centuries, and how these elements continue to influence dating culture today.
The 1700s: Status Marriages and the Rise of Romance
Status-Driven Marriages
In the late 1700s, marriages in British society were primarily driven by considerations of social status and financial security rather than romantic love. This approach to matrimony was reflected in the literature of the time, particularly in the works of Jane Austen. A "good" marriage was one that secured or improved one's social standing and financial situation.
As a result, courtship during this period took on a more pragmatic tone. Men began to focus on demonstrating their respectability and financial stability rather than relying solely on charm and sweet talk. This shift in approach was evident in the increasing popularity of "Lonely Hearts" advertisements in newspapers, where individuals could directly state their assets and what they were looking for in a partner.
The London Season
For the wealthy elite, the primary venue for courtship was "the Season" in London, which ran from March to June. This period was filled with balls and galas where eligible young women were presented to society and potential suitors. These events were highly formal affairs with strict dress codes and rules of conduct. A single misstep could potentially ruin a young woman's chances of securing a suitable match for the entire season.
The Emergence of Romance
Towards the end of the 18th century and into the early 19th century, attitudes began to shift towards a more romantic view of marriage. This change was influenced in part by Queen Victoria's public displays of affection for her husband, Prince Albert. The Queen even took the unconventional step of proposing to Albert herself, setting a new precedent for royal romance.
The rise of Valentine's Day cards also contributed to this romantic trend. The introduction of cheap paper and new printing techniques made these tokens of affection more accessible to the masses. In 1836, approximately 60,000 Valentine's cards were sent in Britain. By 1840, this number had increased to 400,000, and it tripled again by 1871 with the introduction of an affordable public postal service.
Class and Gender Constraints
Despite the growing emphasis on romance, courtship and marriage were still heavily influenced by class and gender norms. While a gentleman could potentially elevate a lower-class woman through marriage, the same opportunity was not afforded to women of higher rank. This disparity highlighted the persistent inequalities in romantic relationships during this period.
The Late 1800s and Early 1900s: Cultural Shifts and Increased Freedom
Legal Changes and Women's Rights
The late 19th century saw significant legal changes that began to address gender inequalities in marriage and property ownership. The Married Women's Property Act of 1870 was a landmark piece of legislation that allowed women to retain ownership of their property and inheritances after marriage. This act marked a crucial step towards greater independence for married women and had far-reaching implications for romantic relationships.
New Forms of Transportation
The introduction of new modes of transportation, particularly the bicycle and the steam train, had a profound impact on dating practices. These innovations expanded the pool of potential partners by allowing people to travel more easily between towns and cities. Train stations became popular meeting places where men and women could interact in a socially acceptable setting.
The bicycle was especially significant for women's emancipation, as it provided them with unprecedented freedom of movement. Although this newfound mobility was met with some societal resistance, it ultimately contributed to women's increased independence and ability to pursue romantic interests.
Changing Attitudes Towards Homosexuality
The late 19th century also saw some progress in attitudes towards homosexuality, although it remained largely taboo. The Offences Against the Person Act of 1861 removed the death penalty for "buggery" (anal intercourse), though homosexual acts were still punishable by imprisonment. This legal change, while far from full acceptance, represented a small step towards acknowledging diverse sexualities.
The Edwardian Era and Social Change
The early 1900s, known as the Edwardian Era, brought about further social changes that influenced dating and courtship. The upper classes embraced a more hedonistic lifestyle, inspired in part by the future King Edward VII's love of revelry. This period saw the rise of dance halls as popular social venues, particularly among the working classes.
The influx of American culture also had a significant impact on British dating practices. Ragtime music and its associated dances became popular, introducing new forms of social interaction between men and women. The arrival of wealthy American women seeking marriages with British aristocrats (known as "buccaneer brides") added a new dynamic to the upper-class dating scene.
The New Woman
The turn of the century saw the emergence of the "New Woman," a more liberated and independent female archetype. These women pursued their own interests, adopted more masculine styles of dress, and advocated for education and sexual equality. The Suffragette movement of the early 20th century embodied many of these ideals, pushing for women's right to vote and greater societal equality.
World War I and Its Aftermath
The Impact of War on Gender Dynamics
The outbreak of World War I in 1914 had a profound effect on gender roles and dating practices in Britain. Initially, there was a surge of patriotic fervor, with young women experiencing "khaki fever" – an intense attraction to men in military uniforms. However, as men were sent to the front lines, women were left to take on traditionally male roles in agriculture, manufacturing, and other industries.
This shift in responsibilities led to changes in fashion and social norms. Women began to adopt more practical, masculine styles of clothing to suit their new roles in the workforce. The war also necessitated new forms of long-distance relationships, with letter-writing becoming a crucial means of maintaining romantic connections. An astonishing volume of mail – up to 20,000 bags per day – was sent between soldiers and their loved ones in Britain and France.
The Roaring Twenties
The end of the war ushered in a period of liberation and hedonism, particularly among the upper classes. The 1920s saw the rise of jazz music and associated dances like the Charleston and the Shimmy, which became popular in London's nightclubs. This era also gave birth to the "flapper" – young women who embraced short skirts, bobbed haircuts, and a lifestyle of cocktails and excitement.
However, it's important to note that this newfound freedom was not universal. Many working-class families were still grappling with the aftermath of the war, caring for traumatized veterans and struggling with poverty. The stark contrast between the frivolity of the wealthy and the hardships of the poor created tension and resentment in some quarters.
The 1930s: Cinema, Economic Challenges, and Changing Attitudes
The Great Depression and Its Impact on Dating
The 1930s brought economic hardship in the form of the Great Depression, which had a significant impact on dating and marriage patterns. Despite the challenges, marriage rates among women rebounded, with the average age for marriage dropping to around 25 for women and 27 for men. However, widespread unemployment and poverty meant that dating often became a luxury that many could not afford.
The economic situation also created tension between genders, with unemployed men often resenting women who managed to secure jobs. This dynamic added another layer of complexity to romantic relationships during this period.
The Rise of Cinema Culture
For those who could afford it, going to the movies became the quintessential date activity of the 1930s. The number of cinemas in Britain grew from around 3,000 in 1914 to 5,000 by 1939, with discounted tickets available for the unemployed. Films provided an escape from the harsh realities of daily life and offered couples a chance for intimacy in the darkened theater.
Shifting Attitudes Towards Single Women
The 1930s also saw a gradual shift in societal attitudes towards single women. The publication of Marjorie Hillis's "How to Live Alone and Like It" in 1937 was a significant milestone. While the book still included advice on finding a partner, its underlying message – that it was acceptable for women to be single – was revolutionary for its time.
Changes in Divorce Laws
Divorce laws in Britain were reformed in 1937, no longer requiring proof of adultery to end a marriage. However, the grounds for divorce remained limited and conservative by modern standards. Acceptable reasons included certain illnesses, non-consummation of the marriage, or a wife becoming pregnant by a man other than her husband.
Improved Access to Information
The 1930s also saw improved access to information about sex and relationships, particularly for working-class women. Magazines such as Woman's Own and Woman's Illustrated began publishing more explicit articles about sex and relationships, although these were still limited to discussions of married couples.
World War II and Its Aftermath
The Marriage Boom
The outbreak of World War II in 1939 led to a significant increase in marriages. The number of weddings in England and Wales jumped from 409,000 in 1938 to 494,000 in 1939 and 534,000 in 1940. This trend was mirrored in other countries affected by the war, such as the United States, where marriage rates also spiked following the attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941.
Long-Distance Relationships and Infidelity
As in World War I, letter-writing became a crucial means of communication for couples separated by the conflict. By 1944, millions of letters were being exchanged weekly between service members and their loved ones in the UK.
However, the prolonged separations also led to increased infidelity. The arrival of 1.5 million American GIs in Britain in 1943 had a significant impact on the dating scene. These well-paid, charismatic soldiers proved popular with British women, leading to numerous relationships and even marriages. By 1944, a quarter of all US Army letters were being sent to British addresses, and 20,000 British women had registered to marry their American fiancés.
Post-War Divorce Rates
The combination of hasty wartime marriages and widespread infidelity led to a sharp increase in divorce rates after the war. The number of divorces in Britain rose from 7,995 in 1939 to over 60,000 in 1947, reflecting the strain that the war had placed on many relationships.
The 1950s: American Influence and Changing Attitudes
Economic Challenges and Simple Pleasures
The immediate post-war years were characterized by continued economic hardship, with rationing persisting in the UK well into the 1950s and high income tax rates. As a result, expensive dating activities were not a priority for many people. However, simpler forms of entertainment and socializing began to emerge.
The Influence of American Culture
American cultural imports had a significant impact on British dating practices in the 1950s. The early part of the decade saw the popularity of swing music from artists like Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald in dance halls. However, the arrival of rock and roll in 1955, epitomized by Bill Haley and His Comets' "Rock Around the Clock," revolutionized youth culture and dating.
The energy and thinly veiled sexuality of rock and roll music encouraged a more liberated attitude among young people. This period also saw the rise of new types of celebrities and sex symbols, from James Dean and Marilyn Monroe to Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant, who influenced fashion and dating ideals.
Changing Attitudes Towards Sex
The 1950s marked a gradual shift in attitudes towards premarital sex and relationships. A 1955 survey by Geoffrey Gorer revealed that while a majority of British people still disapproved of premarital sexual experience, there were significant differences based on class and age. Working-class and younger respondents tended to be more accepting of premarital sex.
Advancements in Sex Education and Contraception
One of the most significant changes of this period was increased access to sex education and contraception for unmarried couples. By 1955, the newly formed National Health Service (NHS) was providing diaphragms and condoms in clinics across the country. This development signaled a growing acceptance of premarital relationships and gave couples more control over their sexual and reproductive choices.
The 1960s: Sexual Revolution and Cultural Transformation
Legal and Social Progress
The 1960s marked a period of significant social and legal change in Britain, particularly regarding sexuality and relationships. The Sexual Offences Act of 1967 decriminalized homosexual acts between consenting adults in England and Wales, representing a major step forward for LGBTQ+ rights.
The decade also saw an increase in interracial relationships, with high-profile couples like John Lennon and Yoko Ono helping to normalize such partnerships in the public eye.
Economic Boom and Youth Culture
An economic boom in the 1960s meant that young people had more disposable income than ever before. This financial freedom, combined with steady employment opportunities for both men and women, allowed young people to express themselves through fashion, music, and lifestyle choices.
The emergence of distinct subcultures, such as the Mods, provided new social circles and opportunities for meeting potential partners. These groups often had their own fashion styles, musical preferences, and social norms, which influenced dating practices within their communities.
Sexual Liberation and the Free Love Movement
The 1960s are often associated with the sexual revolution and the concept of "free love." This movement advocated for sexual relationships without the expectation of long-term commitment. By 1970, there were about 50 established communes across Britain living according to these principles.
The widespread adoption of the contraceptive pill played a crucial role in this sexual liberation. A 1969 study found that 48% of women under 23 had taken the pill, giving women unprecedented control over their reproductive choices.
Persistent Conservatism
Despite these radical changes, it's important to note that conservative attitudes persisted in many areas of society. Sex education, for example, still lagged behind the rapidly changing social norms. This disconnect was evident in the high rates of premarital pregnancy and illegal abortions that continued throughout the decade.
The 1970s: Normalization of Sexual Liberation and Persistent Contradictions
Continuing Trends and New Developments
The 1970s saw a continuation and deepening of many trends that had begun in the 1960s. Sexual liberation became increasingly normalized, although individual attitudes still varied widely.
The decade witnessed the emergence of new forms of media catering to different aspects of sexuality and relationships. Magazines like Jackie offered dating advice for teenage girls, while more radical feminist publications like Spare Rib tackled taboo subjects such as sex and disability. Meanwhile, Forum took a scientific approach to discussing the biological and psychological aspects of sex.
Glam Rock and Gender Fluidity
The rise of glam rock in the early 1970s challenged traditional gender norms in popular culture. Artists like Marc Bolan of T. Rex and David Bowie embraced androgynous styles, blurring the lines between masculine and feminine aesthetics. Bowie's public disclosure of his bisexuality in 1972 was a landmark moment for LGBTQ+ visibility in mainstream culture.
LGBTQ+ Rights and Visibility
The 1970s also saw significant progress in LGBTQ+ rights and visibility. The first Gay Pride March in the UK took place in London's Hyde Park in 1972, marking a new era of public activism for gay rights.
Contradictions in Public Attitudes
Despite these advances, public attitudes towards sex and relationships remained contradictory in many ways. The publication of Dr. Alex Comfort's "The Joy of Sex" in 1972 sparked controversy, with some conservative outlets decrying it as pornographic. However, the book's popularity indicated a growing public interest in frank discussions about sex.
A 1974 survey by Forum magazine revealed widely varying opinions among young women about the appropriate age to lose one's virginity. At the same time, a majority of women who married between 1971 and 1975 admitted to having had premarital sex with their husbands, indicating a gap between stated values and actual behavior.
The 1980s: Dating as Entertainment and the AIDS Crisis
Dating as Entertainment
The 1980s saw dating increasingly portrayed as a fun, lighthearted activity in popular culture. This shift was epitomized by the hugely popular TV show "Blind Date," which debuted in 1985. The show's format, where contestants chose potential dates based on their answers to questions, reflected a growing trend of treating dating as a form of entertainment.
Consumerism and Dating
The rise of MTV and the increasing influence of consumer culture had a significant impact on dating practices. There was a growing emphasis on material displays of affection, with sales of cosmetics, designer clothes, and luxury goods skyrocketing. The ability to spend money on dates and gifts became an important factor in the dating scene.
Women's Empowerment
The 1980s marked significant progress for women in both their personal and professional lives. The image of the power-dressing career woman became iconic, representing a new ideal of female independence. Women were increasingly defined by their career successes rather than their roles as wives or mothers.
Changing Attitudes Towards Sexuality
Attitudes towards sexuality continued to evolve during this decade. A 1984 survey by Woman magazine found that 10% of women reported having had sex with another woman, indicating growing acceptance of diverse sexual experiences. However, traditional values still held sway for many, with a majority of young women believing that couples should be in love before having sex.
The AIDS Crisis
The progress of sexual liberation in the 1980s was severely impacted by the AIDS epidemic. The first AIDS-related death in the UK occurred in 1982, but the government's response was slow and inadequate. The epidemic led to increased discrimination against the LGBTQ+ community and a general fear of casual sex.
By the late 1980s, attitudes towards casual sex had become more conservative, with a majority of women viewing one-night stands negatively. The AIDS crisis had a profound effect on dating and sexual practices, emphasizing the importance of safe sex and monogamy.
The 1990s: Third-Wave Feminism and the Dawn of Online Dating
Third-Wave Feminism and Women's Self-Perception
The 1990s saw the rise of third-wave feminism, which had a significant impact on how women viewed themselves in relationships. Popular culture, including films and TV shows like "Clueless" and "Sex and the City," portrayed female leads who expected respect, support, and equality from their romantic partners.
However, this newfound empowerment was often accompanied by intense self-scrutiny. A 1991 poll found that 90% of women considered themselves overweight, highlighting the complex relationship between female independence and body image issues.
The Bridget Jones Phenomenon
Helen Fielding's character Bridget Jones, introduced in a newspaper column in 1995 and later adapted into novels and films, captured the zeitgeist of dating in the 1990s. Jones represented the struggles of many 30-something women balancing career ambitions, societal expectations, and the search for love.
New Forms of Dating
The 1990s saw the emergence of several new dating trends. Speed dating, invented in 1998, quickly gained popularity as an efficient way to meet multiple potential partners in a short time.
The collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991 led to a surge in the "mail-order bride" business, with many Eastern European women seeking marriages with Western men as a means of economic advancement.
The Internet and Dating
Perhaps the most significant development of the 1990s for dating was the rise of the internet. Online chat rooms like AOL's Instant Messenger (1997), Yahoo! Messenger (1998), and MSN Messenger (1999) provided new ways for people to connect and flirt from the comfort of their homes. These platforms laid the groundwork for the online dating revolution that would follow in the next decade.
The 2000s and Beyond: LGBTQ+ Rights, Sexual Liberation, and Online Dating
Progress in LGBTQ+ Rights
The new millennium saw significant advancements in LGBTQ+ rights in the UK. In 2000, the ban on homosexuals serving in the armed forces was lifted, and the age of consent for homosexual sex was lowered to 16, matching that for heterosexual sex.
The Civil Partnership Act of 2004 allowed same-sex couples to enter into legally recognized unions, and in 2014, same-sex marriage was legalized in England and Wales. These legal changes reflected and encouraged greater societal acceptance of diverse sexualities and relationship structures.
Sexual Liberation in Popular Culture
The publication of E.L. James's "Fifty Shades of Grey" in 2011 marked a new level of mainstream acceptance for explicit sexual content. The book's enormous popularity led to increased interest in BDSM and other alternative sexual practices, influencing everything from fashion to sex toy sales.
The Rise of Online Dating
The most significant change in dating practices in the 21st century has been the shift to online platforms. Dating websites and apps have revolutionized how people meet potential partners. Tinder, launched in 2012, has become particularly influential, with its simple swipe-based interface setting a new standard for online dating.
The prevalence of online dating has raised questions about its impact on relationships. Some worry that the abundance of choices might make people less likely to commit, while others argue that it allows for more efficient and compatible matches. Research by eHarmony suggests that couples who meet online may actually have lower rates of divorce or separation.
Conclusion
Nichi Hodgson's "The Curious History of Dating" provides a fascinating look at how romantic relationships have evolved in British society over the past three centuries. From the formal, status-driven courtships of the 1700s to the swipe-right culture of today, the journey of dating reflects broader societal changes in attitudes towards gender, sexuality, class, and personal freedom.
Key themes that emerge throughout this history include:
The gradual shift from marriages based on social and economic considerations to relationships founded on romantic love and personal compatibility.
The impact of major historical events, such as world wars and economic crises, on dating practices and attitudes.
The influence of technology, from the introduction of the bicycle and telephone to the rise of social media and dating apps, in shaping how people meet and interact.
The ongoing struggle for equality in relationships, particularly for women and LGBTQ+ individuals.
The tension between sexual liberation and conservative social norms, which has persisted in various forms throughout the centuries.
The commercialization of dating, from formal balls and newspaper personal ads to today's multi-billion dollar online dating industry.
As we look to the future, it's clear that dating will continue to evolve alongside societal changes and technological advancements. While the fundamental human desire for connection remains constant, the ways in which we pursue and express that connection are likely to keep changing in exciting and unpredictable ways.
Hodgson's work reminds us that while dating customs may seem fixed and "natural" in any given era, they are in fact deeply influenced by historical, cultural, and technological factors. By understanding this history, we can gain valuable perspective on our own dating experiences and the societal norms that shape them.
As we navigate the complex world of modern dating, it's worth remembering that every generation has faced its own challenges and opportunities in the quest for love and companionship. The story of dating is, in many ways, the story of how we as a society have grappled with fundamental questions of identity, equality, and human connection.
In the end, "The Curious History of Dating" is not just about how people have found romantic partners throughout history. It's a lens through which we can examine broader social changes, cultural shifts, and the ever-evolving nature of human relationships. As we continue to write new chapters in this history, we can look back on the past with a mixture of amusement, empathy, and appreciation for how far we've come – and how far we still have to go in creating a world where everyone has the freedom to love and be loved on their own terms.