1. Love Exists in Two Primary Forms: Gift-love and Need-love

Love can be classified into two foundational categories based on what motivates it—Gift-love and Need-love. Gift-love is selfless and rooted in generosity. It reflects Divine Love, characterized by giving endlessly without expecting anything in return. For instance, a parent caring for their child tirelessly or a stranger helping someone in need demonstrates Gift-love.

Need-love, on the other hand, arises from human inadequacies or longing. It’s driven by a desire for comfort, support, or connection, like a child running to a parent for safety in moments of fear. While it might appear less admirable, Need-love is equally significant because it pushes us to form bonds and seek out relationships that fulfill our emotional and spiritual needs.

Both forms of love are essential and intertwined. While Gift-love mirrors the Divine Love of God, Need-love fosters our yearning for something greater, ultimately pointing us toward God. Together, they lay the groundwork for a deeper understanding of how love functions in our lives.

Examples

A parent forgiving a dawdling child reflects self-renewing Gift-love.
A frightened person praying to God in crisis exemplifies Need-love as a bridge to spirituality.
Comforting a grieving friend balances the two; Need-love anchors connection while Gift-love brings solace.

2. Affection: The Love That Grows from Familiarity

Affection, often experienced from a very young age, is the love that emerges naturally from proximity and familiarity. It’s the kind of love we feel in everyday relationships with family, pets, or even neighbors. Unlike romantic love or friendship, Affection doesn’t require shared passions—it forms simply by being around someone regularly.

For instance, you might feel Affection for a chatty neighbor you barely know or a quirky coworker whose antics you secretly appreciate. Affection is inclusive, allowing us to soften the boundaries between ourselves and others who might be drastically different from us, fostering understanding and empathy.

However, Affection can also falter if taken for granted. Relationships based on Affection need nurturing, patience, and kindness, just as any other type of love does. Without effort, even the warmest Affection can dissolve, leaving resentment or apathy in its wake.

Examples

Feeling fondness for a longtime neighbor who routinely offers morning greetings.
Watching pets of different species snuggle together demonstrates Affection across differences.
Over time, housemates learning to care for each other’s well-being despite differences.

3. Friendship: The Love of Shared Passions and Goals

Friendship is a unique love based on shared interests and collective pursuits rather than emotional or physical needs. Unlike Affection, which often arises from proximity, Friendship grows from commonality and mutual goals. According to Lewis, true friends walk together on a journey, supporting and inspiring each other along the way.

Friendship often transcends labels, allowing individuals to form bonds without regard to superficial differences. For example, shared love for a rare hobby or a shared belief system can unite individuals who might otherwise remain strangers. Unlike other loves, Friendship isn’t tied to basic human needs, which allows it to develop with purity and purpose.

However, Friendship can create echo chambers if we surround ourselves only with like-minded people. This can close us off from new ideas and other perspectives, making Affection’s inclusivity a valuable counterbalance. Friendship at its best helps us grow while bridging our individuality with shared experience.

Examples

Joining an environmental club and developing friendships while working toward a cleaner planet.
Bonding over a shared love of music during choir practice.
Collaborating on a community project that strengthens your connection with a new friend.

4. Eros: A Love Riddled with Paradox

Eros, or romantic love, transcends mere physical attraction and immerses us in admiration and devotion for another person. Unlike sexual desire, which seeks physical pleasure, Eros fundamentally yearns for the beloved’s whole being—body, mind, and soul.

While love stories often romanticize Eros as a pathway to happiness, Lewis reminds us of its complexities. Eros can push people to stay together through difficult times, showing its enduring and sacrificial aspects. But, unchecked, Eros can also lead us to dark choices, such as placing the beloved ahead of moral considerations, leading to destruction rather than fulfillment.

Despite this, Eros also provides a compelling way to love God. By channeling the devotion and longing we feel in romance toward God, we deepen our relationship with Him and model our lives in love’s image.

Examples

A partner staying through financial hardship for the sake of their bond.
Romantic literature portraying reckless actions in love’s name, like Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.
Seeking God's love with the same abandon, passion, and depth that Eros fuels in romantic relationships.

5. Charity: The Ultimate Selfless Love

Charity, the highest and purest form of love, invites us to care for others without self-interest. It’s the kind of love that mirrors Divine Love, enabling us to love not just those who are lovable but also those whom we might find difficult.

Charity allows us to forgive, to love others even when they wrong us, and to give without expecting anything in return. This form of love is often humbling and awe-inspiring because it illuminates our shortcomings and highlights the power of true selflessness.

Charity enriches all other types of love. It helps Affection flourish rather than go stale, elevates Friendship beyond selfish gain, and transforms Eros into a deeper connection. Without Charity, our loves are limited, but with it, they reflect God’s love.

Examples

A mother caring for her tantrum-throwing child with patience and tenderness.
Saints and humanitarians devoting their lives to helping society's most vulnerable.
Forgiving a friend who has hurt you and rebuilding the relationship.

6. Love as a Journey Toward God

Each type of love provides a roadmap for understanding and loving God. Need-love draws us to Him in moments of urgency, while Gift-love allows us to emulate His endless giving. Eros teaches us devotion, and Charity allows us to love others as Christ loves us.

By meditating on these loves, we open ourselves to the profound idea that God is present in all moments of love. From the mundane to the extraordinary, love becomes an active way to deepen our spirituality.

When we accept love in its imperfections and actively foster it within ourselves, we embark on the lifelong process of growing closer to God.

Examples

Praying for God's guidance symbolizes Need-love's yearning to connect.
Volunteering to help strangers, a reflection of Gift-love, carries inspirational echoes of Divinity.
Loving a flawed family member unconditionally mirrors Charity’s ultimate reach.

[Continue the remaining insights formatted similarly.]

Takeaways

Reflect on how different types of love appear in your life and relationships, and actively nurture each of them with Charity.
Practice being open to love not just through shared passions, like Friendship, but also in unexpected places through Affection or Charity.
Allow your understanding of Eros, Friendship, and Need-love to shape a deeper connection with God or your own concept of higher love.