Introduction
The age-old question of what women want has puzzled people for centuries. In his book "What Do Women Want?", Daniel Bergner sets out to explore the complex and often misunderstood world of female sexuality and desire. Through a combination of scientific research, interviews, and cultural analysis, Bergner challenges many long-held assumptions about women's sexual nature and offers a fresh perspective on female desire.
The Misunderstood Female Libido
Historical Repression and Misconceptions
Throughout history, women's sexuality has been largely misunderstood and often repressed. Ancient texts and religions frequently portrayed female desire as dangerous or sinful. For example, in Greek mythology, Pandora, the first woman, was blamed for unleashing all the world's evils.
Even as scientific understanding advanced, misconceptions persisted. In the 16th century, when male scientists discovered the role of the ovum in reproduction, they concluded that female pleasure was unimportant since women could conceive regardless of whether they felt desire. This led to a long-standing neglect of female sexual satisfaction.
Evolutionary Psychology and Its Flaws
More recently, evolutionary psychologists developed theories that seemed to explain differences between male and female sexuality. The parental investment theory suggested that because men have unlimited sperm and invest little in reproduction, while women have limited eggs and do more reproductive work, men are programmed to spread their seed widely, while women must carefully select long-term providers.
This theory became widely accepted and contributed to stereotypes about women being more sexually restrained than men. However, Bergner argues that these assumptions oversimplify female sexuality and fail to account for the complexity and power of women's desires.
Animal Nature: Women Are Not So Different
Challenging Stereotypes
Bergner challenges the notion that men are animalistic in their sexual nature while women are more refined and emotionally driven. He presents evidence suggesting that women's sexual desires may be just as powerful and diverse as men's, if not more so.
Dr. Chivers' Revealing Study
One of the most eye-opening studies discussed in the book was conducted by Dr. Meredith Chivers, a sexologist. Using a plethysmograph (a device that measures genital arousal), Chivers showed participants various erotic scenes, including heterosexual and homosexual intercourse, masturbation, and even bonobos mating.
The results were surprising:
- Women, regardless of their sexual orientation, showed physical arousal to all types of sexual footage, including the mating bonobos.
- Men's arousal patterns were more predictable, aligning with their stated sexual orientation.
- Women's self-reported arousal often didn't match their physical responses, while men's did.
This study suggests that women's sexuality may be more fluid and responsive than previously thought, challenging the idea that women are less visually stimulated or have narrower sexual interests than men.
Anatomy and Social Factors Complicating Female Sexuality
The Role of Anatomy
Bergner explores how anatomy might contribute to differences in sexual awareness between men and women. Men's sexual arousal is often more obvious due to visible erections, creating a clear feedback loop between body and mind. Women's arousal, on the other hand, can be more subtle and harder to interpret, potentially making it more challenging for women to understand their own desires.
Social Pressures and Taboos
Social environments also play a crucial role in shaping women's understanding and expression of their sexuality. Bergner cites a study from Ohio State University where women were much less likely to report masturbating or watching pornography if they thought their answers might be seen by others. This highlights how social expectations and taboos can influence women's willingness to acknowledge their sexual behaviors and desires.
Challenging the Emotional Connection Myth
Another common belief is that women's sexuality is centered around emotional bonds. However, Bergner presents research challenging this notion. In one of Dr. Chivers' studies, women showed the highest arousal to audio erotica featuring strangers rather than established couples, suggesting that emotional connection isn't always necessary for female arousal.
Insights from the Animal Kingdom
Female Sexual Aggression in Animals
Bergner draws interesting parallels between human and animal sexuality. Contrary to popular belief, in many species, it's the females who actively pursue sex and even display aggressive sexual behavior. For example, female rhesus monkeys have been observed selecting males for mating, initiating sex, and dismissing partners when they lose interest.
Pleasure-Seeking Behavior
Animals also provide evidence that desire and pleasure, not just reproduction, play significant roles in mating. Rats and other species engage in behaviors that prolong mating, suggesting that females seek sexual pleasure beyond mere reproductive necessity.
Changing Trends in Human Female Sexuality
While many women still feel constrained by social norms, Bergner notes signs of change. For instance, recent reports indicate that one in three porn users is female, and vibrators are now commonly sold in mainstream stores. These trends may signal a growing openness about female sexuality and desire.
The Complexity of Female Fantasies
Surprising Fantasy Content
Bergner delves into the often taboo subject of women's sexual fantasies, revealing that many women have fantasies involving coercion or overpowering. Multiple surveys over the past four decades have consistently shown that a significant percentage of women (around 62% in a 2009 study) have had such fantasies at least once.
Theories Behind These Fantasies
Several explanations are proposed for these seemingly contradictory desires:
The importance of feeling desired: Some researchers suggest that being intensely desired is central to women's arousal, and these fantasies represent an extreme version of that.
The role of fear in arousal: Studies have shown that fear can increase sexual arousal due to overlapping brain circuits, which might explain the appeal of such fantasies.
Overcoming sexual guilt: In cultures where female sexuality is taboo, these fantasies might allow women to explore their desires while avoiding feelings of shame or responsibility.
These complex fantasies highlight the multifaceted nature of female desire and the need for a more nuanced understanding of women's sexuality.
The Challenge of Long-Term Desire
The Search for "Female Viagra"
With the success of Viagra for men, pharmaceutical companies have been eager to find an equivalent for women. However, research has revealed that women's sexual issues are often more psychological than physical or hormonal.
The Impact of Relationship Duration
Studies have shown that women's sexual desire tends to decrease more rapidly than men's in long-term relationships. This finding challenges the notion that women are naturally more inclined towards monogamy than men.
Evolutionary Perspectives
Bergner presents evolutionary theories that might explain why women's desire might naturally wane in monogamous relationships. For example, some researchers suggest that female promiscuity evolved in certain primate species as a way to protect offspring from infanticide by confusing paternity.
These insights raise questions about whether strict monogamy is natural for women and whether it might contribute to decreased sexual desire over time.
The Ongoing Debate: Physical vs. Psychological
Historical Perspectives on Female Pleasure
The book traces the evolving understanding of female sexual pleasure, from Freud's theories about clitoral vs. vaginal orgasms to feminist reclamations of the clitoris in the 1970s. Bergner highlights how these debates have been intertwined with social and political issues surrounding women's autonomy and equality.
The G-Spot Controversy
The existence and nature of the G-spot remain subjects of scientific debate. Some studies with identical twins suggest it might not exist, while others claim to have isolated specific nerves connected to it. This ongoing controversy underscores how much is still unknown about female sexual anatomy and response.
The Power of the Mind
Bergner notes that some women can achieve orgasm through thought alone, without any physical stimulation. This phenomenon highlights the crucial role of the brain in female sexuality and suggests that our understanding of sexual response needs to encompass both physical and psychological factors.
Insights from Speed Dating
Traditional Gender Roles in Dating
Speed dating events have provided researchers with opportunities to study real-world mate selection behaviors. Initially, these studies seemed to confirm evolutionary psychology theories, with women being more selective than men in choosing potential partners.
Challenging Assumptions
However, a simple change in the speed dating format – having women move between tables instead of men – produced dramatically different results. When women were the ones moving, they became just as likely as men to say yes to a second date. This finding challenges the idea that women are inherently more selective and suggests that social dynamics and expectations play a significant role in shaping dating behaviors.
The Ongoing Mystery of Female Desire
Despite the wealth of research and theories presented in the book, Bergner concludes that female sexuality remains largely a mystery. The complex interplay of biological, psychological, and social factors makes it difficult to draw simple conclusions about what women want.
Key Takeaways
- Women's sexuality is more complex and powerful than traditionally believed.
- Social and cultural factors have significantly shaped our understanding of female desire.
- Women's arousal patterns can be more fluid and responsive than men's.
- Long-term monogamy may pose challenges to sustaining female desire.
- The brain plays a crucial role in female sexual response.
- Many common beliefs about gender differences in sexuality may be influenced more by social factors than biology.
Implications and Future Directions
Bergner's exploration of female desire has several important implications:
Need for more research: There's still much to learn about female sexuality, and more diverse and comprehensive studies are needed.
Challenging stereotypes: We should question long-held assumptions about gender differences in sexuality and be open to new understandings.
Improving relationships: A better understanding of female desire could lead to more satisfying sexual relationships for both men and women.
Rethinking monogamy: The book raises questions about whether strict lifelong monogamy is the most natural or satisfying arrangement for many women.
Empowering women: By demystifying and destigmatizing female desire, women may feel more comfortable exploring and expressing their sexuality.
Conclusion
"What Do Women Want?" challenges many of our cultural assumptions about female sexuality and desire. By presenting a wide range of scientific research and real-world observations, Bergner paints a picture of women's sexuality as complex, powerful, and often misunderstood.
The book suggests that women's desires may be just as strong and varied as men's, if not more so. It highlights how social and cultural factors have shaped our understanding of female sexuality, often in ways that don't align with biological realities.
Bergner's work encourages readers to question long-held beliefs about gender differences in sexuality and to consider a more nuanced view of desire. While it doesn't provide definitive answers to the age-old question of what women want, it opens up new avenues for discussion and exploration.
Ultimately, the book leaves us with a sense of wonder at the complexity of human sexuality and a call for continued research and open dialogue about female desire. It suggests that by better understanding and embracing the full spectrum of women's sexual experiences, we can create a more honest and satisfying sexual culture for everyone.
As society continues to evolve in its understanding and acceptance of diverse sexual expressions, books like "What Do Women Want?" play a crucial role in challenging outdated notions and paving the way for more informed and inclusive conversations about sexuality.
The mystery of female desire, while not fully solved, is shown to be a rich and fascinating subject worthy of continued exploration. Bergner's work invites readers to approach the topic with curiosity, empathy, and an open mind, recognizing that the diversity of human sexual experience defies simple categorization or explanation.
In the end, the book suggests that what women want is likely as varied and individual as women themselves. It encourages a move away from broad generalizations about female sexuality and towards a more personalized and nuanced understanding of desire.
By shedding light on the complexities of female sexuality, "What Do Women Want?" not only contributes to our scientific understanding but also has the potential to improve relationships, enhance sexual satisfaction, and promote greater equality and respect between genders.
As we continue to grapple with questions of sexuality, gender, and desire in the 21st century, Bergner's book serves as an important reminder of the need to question our assumptions, remain open to new evidence, and approach these topics with both scientific rigor and human compassion.
The journey to understand female desire is far from over, but "What Do Women Want?" takes a significant step forward, challenging us to think differently about sexuality and opening up new possibilities for research, discussion, and personal exploration. It's a valuable contribution to our ongoing dialogue about sex, gender, and the human experience of desire.