Women Who Love Too Much

Why do so many women equate emotional pain with love? "Women Who Love Too Much" uncovers the truth behind obsessive relationships and offers a pathway to genuine self-love.

1. Love is mistaken for emotional pain

Many women confuse love with obsessive and painful relationships. This pattern leads them to endure neglectful or cold partners, believing that suffering is integral to love.

Women like Jill, who was in a one-sided relationship with Randy, often find themselves repeatedly reaching out and trying to "fix" their partner. Jill willingly played therapist and wanted to win Randy’s affection despite his apathy. The more Randy neglected her, the harder she tried to hold onto the relationship. Her obsessive phone calls and repeated efforts only left her emotionally drained and lonelier.

The root issue is a misplaced belief that enduring pain validates one’s love. For these women, the intensity of their struggle becomes proof of how deeply they care, even as this cycle pulls them further into despair.

Examples

• Jill compulsively called Randy, unable to handle even one night without contact.
• Despite Randy's disinterest, Jill flew to see him, only to be ignored.
• Jill labeled her obsession as love despite its destructive nature.

2. Childhood experiences influence unhealthy choices

The foundation of loving too much often originates in unresolved childhood trauma. Women with cold or indifferent fathers may seek emotionally unavailable men to replicate and "fix" that pain.

Women like Jill and others often grew up receiving little warmth or affection from paternal figures. One notable example involved a woman whose father told her he loved her only once, and only because she begged him. This lack of validation drives women to unconsciously seek similar relationships to rewrite that narrative and gain the love they missed.

This pursuit often leads to unnecessary suffering, as these women chase men who mirror their distant fathers, only to relive the same emotional rejection over and over.

Examples

• Women are drawn to men who share traits with emotionally distant fathers.
• Seeking affection from unavailable men becomes a subconscious effort to reconcile childhood wounds.
• Grown women report still holding doubt or yearning for paternal approval years after childhood.

3. Sex becomes an attempt to gain love

Believing they can win affection through sexual acts, women often use physical intimacy as a desperate tool to bond. However, this approach usually results in more rejection.

Trudi, for instance, prioritized sex over everything in her teenage relationships, feeling validated only when her partner appeared satisfied. Later in life, she became obsessed with pleasing a married lover, altering her appearance and skipping classes to feed this fixation. Yet despite her efforts, she faced rejection when her lovers inevitably moved on.

The overreliance on sex blinds women to the fact that emotions, not physical acts, form sustainable relationships. Without emotional reciprocity, their efforts are futile.

Examples

• Trudi obsessed about buying lingerie to keep her married lover interested.
• As a teenager, she skipped priorities like homework to plan sexual meetups.
• Both of Trudi’s lovers left her, proving sex couldn’t win their commitment.

4. Unavailable men are irresistible for the wrong reasons

Many unavailable men—alcoholics, addicts, or emotionally detached individuals—unintentionally attract women seeking to "heal" others.

These relationships follow a damaging pattern. Women like Trudi are drawn to men with clear issues because they unconsciously identify with their struggles, especially if they grew up with similar dysfunction at home. For example, many women fall for married men knowing they are unavailable, mistaking the challenge for love.

This fixation is born not of attraction but of a misguided belief that "fixing" these men will validate their worth and replay past relationships with different outcomes.

Examples

• Women pursue married or addicted men to replicate the emotional unavailability they knew growing up.
• Addictions or detachment make these men less capable of love, amplifying the women’s frustration.
• Women often overlook stable men, finding excitement in unattainable figures.

5. Other addictions can complicate recovery

Women who love too much often exhibit other dependencies, such as food or alcohol, as ways to manage their pain.

Brenda’s life is an example of how these issues escalate. Her father’s harsh words and neglect contributed to her eating disorder, bingeing on sugar to numb emotional pain. Later, her marriage to an unfaithful alcoholic mirrored her father’s behavior. Food and shoplifting became additional ways for her to cope, ultimately culminating in her arrest before she sought help.

These overlapping issues make recovery complex. Addressing one addiction without acknowledging the others leads to repeated cycles of self-destruction.

Examples

• Brenda alternated between binge eating and starving, mirroring her father’s alcoholism.
• Her marriage to a cheating alcoholic compounded her substance dependency.
• Her downward spiral ended in legal trouble when shoplifting replaced binge eating as a coping tool.

6. Help starts with putting yourself first

Healing begins when women prioritize their recovery rather than centering their lives around others' needs.

Many women struggle to ask for help. However, resources such as therapy or support groups can be transformative. Women often find female therapists especially helpful, as they share an empathetic connection. Even self-help books addressing trauma can be an entry point for recovery.

Shifting the focus from the partner to oneself requires determination. It means refusing to cancel therapy, even if it inconveniences the person they’re obsessed with, and acknowledging that their well-being comes first.

Examples

• Therapy offers space to process unresolved traumas and learn self-worth.
• Many women find solace and understanding among peers in support groups.
• Learning to prioritize personal needs marks the beginning of a transformative recovery journey.

7. Recovered women have strong self-worth

Once the cycle is broken, women develop a renewed sense of confidence, identity, and self-acceptance.

Recovery helps women love themselves as they are without constant self-doubt or external validation. They stop seeking affirmation from unavailable men and start cherishing their own achievements, personalities, and physical traits. This shift brings a healthier perspective to relationships.

A recovered woman no longer settles for emotionally toxic partners because she values peace over destructive drama.

Examples

• Recovered women value mutual respect in relationships, removing themselves from destructive dynamics.
• Self-love replaces the misguided search for external approval through obsessive behaviors.
• They find fulfillment outside of relationships, pursuing hobbies, friendships, or careers.

8. New relationships reflect healthy choices

Instead of chasing unavailable men, recovered women build meaningful connections with supportive, emotionally present partners.

A key change is the recognition of red flags. Women who once fell for problematic men now distance themselves from toxic situations. If someone reveals negative traits, they have the strength to walk away rather than cling harder. This choice reframes love as safe and nurturing, not chaotic or painful.

Their newfound clarity allows healthier, drama-free relationships, driven by mutual compatibility rather than control or desperation.

Examples

• Recovered women refuse to stay in unfaithful or abusive partnerships.
• They seek partners who prioritize emotional availability and kindness.
• They reject drama-filled dynamics for calm, respectful relationships.

9. Peace replaces chaos

For recovered women, serenity becomes more desirable than the adrenaline-fueled highs and lows they once mistook for love.

Where they once sought dramatic and unstable connections, they now value partners offering stability and companionship. Relationships become grounded in mutual respect, not manipulation or constant "fixing." They find joy in personal growth and calm, no longer needing drama to feel alive.

This shift allows them to build lasting partnerships based on love rather than obsession.

Examples

• Women find satisfaction in balanced, stable relationships over thrill-seeking.
• They prioritize personal happiness over destructive attachments.
• Drama no longer defines their concept of love.

Takeaways

1. Speak up for your needs instead of prioritizing others at your own expense.
2. Seek professional help or join support groups to address lingering childhood trauma.
3. Practice self-love daily, shifting focus from seeking love to giving love to yourself.